AITA for admitting I got married for money and ruining my cousin’s idea of love?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A family Zoom call turns into a battlefield when a young woman’s blunt confession shatters her cousin’s rose-tinted dreams. Pregnant and staring down a future of debt, she married a wealthy playboy for financial security, a choice that morphed into unexpected love. But when her starry-eyed 18-year-old cousin points to her marriage as proof that love conquers all, her sharp truth—“I got married for money”—cuts like a knife through the family’s cozy chatter.

This isn’t just a tale of spilled secrets; it’s a clash between practicality and idealism, where love, money, and family expectations tangle. Her cousin’s tears and her uncle’s outrage spark a firestorm, while Reddit weighs in with a mix of cheers and side-eyes. Dive into this juicy drama where honesty might cost more than just hurt feelings—it might rewrite what love means.

‘AITA for admitting I got married for money and ruining my cousin’s idea of love?’

When I was in my second year of university, I found out I was pregnant with my current husband’s baby. We weren’t officially dating at the time because my husband was a pretty arrogant playboy back then who only did “casual”. After the initial shock and discussions on if I would keep the baby.

My husband and his family were very insistent we got married since they’re strong believers in a two-parent household and also because my FIL is a semi-public businessman and he thought this would reflect badly on him.

I said no initially for obvious reasons, but I eventually agreed to it when my FIL offered to pay off all of my student debt and make sure I could finish my degree after I had the baby. He offered me a lot of other financial incentives and we have a prenup which will make sure I’ll be okay if our marriage doesn’t work out (honestly, I had little hope).

My husband actually changed a lot after we got married and after our daughter was born so we’ve been very happily married ever since. Not many people know the real reason I got married so quickly in my family. Everyone thinks we were just really loved up and moved fast.

My younger cousin is 18 and she wants to drop out of university to marry her boyfriend of 2 years. Her parents are against this, but she keeps using me as an example of why it’s a good idea. I heard this from my mum initially and I wasn’t going to get involved since we aren’t that close,

but it came up during a family zoom party and I said “actually, I got married for money” when she was talking about how our (my husband and I’s) love made things work out for us and it would be the same for them.

I received mixed reactions from my family. My cousin is devastated and said I ruined her idea of love and being in a relationship was pointless now. One of my uncles took it incredibly personally and said I was a gold digger and he felt awful for my husband and how he doesn’t know where my mum went wrong with me.

For context: my mum was a single mother and seeing her struggle was part of the reason I agreed to getting married. A few of my other relatives said that that’s something you should keep to yourself because it’s disrespectful to my husband and our marriage. My cousin’s mum is really happy with me though.. What do you guys think? AITA?

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Dropping a truth bomb like “I got married for money” in a family Zoom call is like tossing a spark into dry grass—it’s bound to ignite. The woman’s choice to marry for financial stability, driven by pregnancy and debt, was pragmatic, not heartless. Her cousin’s romanticized view, using the marriage as a blueprint for her own, ignored the gritty realities of life. The family’s mixed reactions—outrage to quiet nods—reflect society’s uneasy dance with money and love.

This scenario mirrors broader trends in marriage motives. A 2023 study from the Institute for Family Studies found that 40% of Americans cite financial security as a key factor in marriage decisions (Institute for Family Studies). Her choice, shaped by her single mother’s struggles, was a calculated step to secure her and her child’s future, not a gold-digging scheme.

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Dr. Esther Perel, a renowned relationship therapist, notes, “Love and security are not mutually exclusive; they often grow together over time” (Esther Perel). Here, the woman’s marriage evolved from a deal to genuine love, a nuance lost in her blunt delivery. Her cousin’s devastation stems from a youthful belief that love alone pays the bills—a myth worth debunking.

To mend this, she could privately clarify to her cousin that her marriage grew into love, emphasizing the importance of education over hasty decisions. For readers in similar binds, honesty about intentions, paired with tact, can prevent family fallout. Supporting young relatives means guiding them toward informed choices, not fairy tales. Her truth was a wake-up call, not a wrecking ball.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit jumped in like a lively family reunion, tossing out support with a side of sass. It’s like a potluck where everyone’s got a spicy take on love and money. Here’s what they served up:

[Reddit User] − Info: where is this school with rich playboys that pay you to marry them after they knock you up?

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Kiyodai − NTA. You told the truth, and it was what she needed to hear. Marrying for financial security isn't weird--it's sensible, and you did what was right for you and your child.. I'm just glad it seems to have all worked out for the best for you!

khc9941 − NTA, but the way you approached it isn’t great. You were young, pregnant, and very limited on options. You chose well, and I would have done exactly the same in your shoes. It sounds like it’s worked out well and you have a solid marriage, which is wonderful.

The way you phrased it on the Zoom sounds very different though. You need to call your cousin and explain exactly what you meant and how everything came about. Love grows, and the idea of love is never pointless.

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It’s also VERY much worth pointing out that there was enough financial support around when you guys got married to help the relationship survive. Money is one of the biggest stressors in life, and being young, broke, and married is a damn sight more stressful than being young, secure, and married, baby or not.

miniatureduck18 − You are definitely NTA you are not a good digger, it was effectively like an arranged marriage, and they offered you a dowery as an incentive. You were realistic and your cousin needs to learn the truth about 'fairytale romances' and ' happy ever after' befor she through her life away.

[Reddit User] − You really saved your cousin of possibly growing up thinking there was something wrong with her if her early marriage didn't reflect what yours looked like in the beginning.

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No other opinion matters here because you went into this with your eyes wide open, and your cousin should too. You weren't really a gold digger, btw. You were a degree digger. Which is another way to look at grants and scholarships. lol. NTA

andreaic − NTA, it sounds like your now husband was also pressured into your marriage (to upkeep their beliefs, and the reputation of his father). He knows you didn’t want to, and he knows about the prenup, so I am assuming he also knows about the financial incentive, because why would you go from saying no to marriage to yes?

So in that regard, you were just being practical. Teenagers have an idea of what love is, and sure, it can be a lot of those silly things they imagine it to be, but love doesn’t pay the bills.. working does, and going to college ups your chances of more earning potential.

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So if you discouraged her from quitting college, that’s always a win. You didn’t devaste her idea of love, you just brought up the realities of it. I’d also like to point out that, just bc you originally married for money, doesn’t mean you’re not staying with this person out of love, and that’s something worthy of your family to make a note of.

poirotsgreycells − NAH, BUT if all you said was “actually I got married for money” without the context of the whole story you told here it could be misleading. There is an actual love story about how your husband grew up and change

and I’m sure you did too and it evolved into something bigger than just money. You’re very happily married, right? I think with some more tact and context you could have gotten your point across without getting into this mess.

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cotsoui − Info: does your husband know about the money deals you made with his family?

loopylandtied − INFO: how does your husband feel about this being common knowledge?

[Reddit User] − NAH, because it’s your personal truth but you shouldn’t be surprised by people’s reactions as that’s not what most consider a valid reason to hitch yourself to someone for life. You’re not responsible for your cousin’s overall impressions of what a relationship is.. Edit: NAH

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Redditors cheered her honesty, praising her for saving her cousin from a risky leap while jabbing at the family’s sanctimonious outrage. Some urged her to soften the blow with context, others celebrated her practicality. But do these hot takes capture the full mess of family dynamics, or are they just stirring the pot?

This woman’s candid admission wasn’t just about money—it was about choosing stability over struggle, only to find love in the bargain. Her cousin’s shattered dreams and the family’s uproar show how truth can shake up even the tightest bonds. It’s a reminder that love stories aren’t always what they seem, and honesty can be a tough but necessary gift. Have you ever faced a family clash over love or money? Share your thoughts below—let’s unpack this tangled tale together.

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