AITA for “Accusing my Parents of Being a Bad Parents to my Deaf Sister”?

The living room buzzed with tension as a 17-year-old girl stood up for her deaf sister, her voice cutting through her parents’ excuses. Her little sister, born deaf on one side and hard of hearing on the other, struggles with a cochlear implant she hates, yet her parents refuse to learn sign language, dismissing it as “useless.” When the teen called them out, sparks flew, and insecurities surfaced, leaving a family grappling with communication and care.

This Reddit story pulls us into a raw clash over love, neglect, and understanding. The parents’ refusal to adapt to their daughter’s needs raises tough questions about responsibility and empathy. Can a family bridge such a profound disconnect? Let’s dive into the post that’s got everyone talking and explore what it means to truly hear those we love.

‘AITA for “Accusing my Parents of Being a Bad Parents to my Deaf Sister”?’

So my(17F) parents(47F,52M) were never too interested in me or my older brother growing up, I was very independent. Well 7 years ago they had a brilliant idea of making another baby, my little sister. She was born deaf on side and HOH on the other.

My parents got her a cochlear implant when she was a baby, they make her completely deaf when she's not wearing the processors but she hates wearing them, I think they give her sensory overload. When she was a toddler my brother found a deaf daycare and he tried to convince my parents to send her there.

They said they didn't care but they wouldn't drive her so my brother decided to drive her 45 minutes there and back everyday. When she was 5 my parents started sending her to the state school for the deaf which was 2 hours away. She would sleep there over the week and the bus would take her home on the weekends.

I know simple sign language, I know most words but I don't have much sentence structure. When I asked my parents if I could take ASL at school when I first started high school they said no and I should take Spanish because it's an actual useful language.

Last weekend they kept trying to tell my sister to wear her CI and she kept saying no. And at one point my mom tried just sticking it on her ear but my sister grabbed it and threw it on the ground. My mom started yelling at her and then I started arguing with my mom. She was really defensive and saying things like 'I'm not taking parenting advice from a 17 year old!' even though I wasn't giving her parenting advice.

At one point I told her to stop yelling at my sister because she couldn't understand and she said 'Well that's not my fault! What do you want me to do about it?' I said 'How about you learn sign language.' My mom acted super offended like that was some evil thing to say. My dad sent me to my room and I could her them yelling at my sister downstairs.

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I don't see how that was bad but I guess it offended. I tried to bring it up to my mom today but she claimed I was accusing her of being a bad parent but I don't see how. I honestly think these are her own insecurities that she's putting onto me. But maybe I was in a way, and although I didn't say it I do kinda think it, AITA here?

Edit: I have suggested moving to the town where the deaf school is so that my sister can live with us, and it's only like half an hour drive from my parents jobs but they refuse.

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Forcing a cochlear implant on a deaf child while refusing to learn sign language is like locking a door and throwing away the key. The parents’ dismissal of their daughter’s needs signals neglect, as communication is the bedrock of a child’s development. Dr. MJ Bienvenu, a deaf culture expert, states, “Sign language is not just communication; it’s a gateway to identity and community” (Gallaudet University). Only 10% of parents of deaf children learn sign language, per a 2021 study in American Annals of the Deaf (Project MUSE), leaving many children isolated.

The teen’s outburst reflects her sister’s frustration, amplified by the parents’ defensiveness. Their refusal to move closer to the deaf school or learn American Sign Language (ASL) prioritizes convenience over connection. The mother’s reaction—yelling and projecting insecurities—suggests denial about her daughter’s deafness, as if the cochlear implant could “fix” it. This overlooks the cultural pride many deaf individuals embrace, where signing is a choice, not a burden.

This story underscores a broader issue: parenting a child with disabilities requires active adaptation. The parents’ choice of Spanish over ASL for their teen daughter ignored her desire to connect with her sister. Dr. Bienvenu emphasizes that “families who sign together build stronger bonds.” The parents should enroll in ASL classes, many free online (Lifeprint), and engage with local deaf community events to support their daughter’s identity.

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For solutions, the family needs open dialogue, possibly through therapy, to address the parents’ resistance and the sister’s needs. The teen should continue advocating, perhaps connecting with deaf advocacy groups for resources. Encouraging the sister’s autonomy over her cochlear implant while learning ASL can rebuild trust, showing her she’s valued in her own language.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The Reddit squad brought their A-game, dishing out support and some serious shade. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

[Reddit User] − NTA. Unfortunately this isn’t uncommon and only 10% of parents to Deaf children learn sign language. I’ll never understand how this isn’t legally considered child abuse. Communication is vital to a child’s development and well being.. Your parents sound horrible and your mom is definitely projecting her insecurities.. I’m proud of you for standing up for your sister.

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MrMulligan319 − You are definitely NTA. You could also look into free online ASL classes for yourself (there are some I’ve found). That way you - at least - can continue to communicate well with your sister and validate her language and culture. I wish you and her the best of all things. Hopefully, she can find safety and love with you and your brother when it seems your parents are seriously neglectful in their refusal to respect your sister.

photosbeersandteach − NTA. They are being bad parents. Not even attempting to learn sign language, forbidding you from learning it? Those are some pretty awful parenting choices when one of you children is HOH.

PotentialityKnocks − NTA. I feel really, really bad for your little sister. Maybe see if there’s a hearing-impaired advocacy group that could give you advice?

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IllustriousComplex6 − Holy crap! Your parents have a HoH kid and they don't know sign language? WTAF???? NTA by the biggest mile. It sounds like you and your brother are good eggs and I would highly recommend looking up sign language videos on YouTube and see if there's a practice group in the area.

MinuteReady − NTA - I’d suggest showing your parents the documentary ‘For A Deaf Son’, as I think it’d be able to shed more light onto the damage they’re causing your sister. I also recommend trying to reach out to members of the local deaf community, because what your sister is experiencing isn’t uncommon at all.. It’s really great that you’re advocating for your sister!

Hiiro2000 − NTA, they are being terribile parents to her. if I understand right, no one spoke to this kid until she was three years old going to school and they didn't speak to her her whole life. thank god for you guys and deaf school

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Maleficent_Ad_3958 − NTA. I think your parents are in denial about her condition and believed her CI would magic her deafness away. They need therapy so they can let go of the idea. I also feel weirded out that if I'm understanding this correctly, the deaf school is doing most of the raising and your family only sees her on weekends?

Awkward_Badger7516 − NTA Parent of a deaf child here. We encourage her to wear her hearing aids (but haven’t pushed a surgical option yet) we never force her to wear it because- bodily autonomy - she’s only 8 but it’s still an important lesson.

We also started signing with her before she was a year old. I was horrified to hear the statistic on the number of parents with deaf kids who don’t sign at home. It’s just heartbreaking.. Your parents sound awful. If they want parenting advice from a parent who gets it give them mine.

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Hearing aids are a choice a deaf person can make. Many deaf people choose not to wear them it’s a cultural decision. Stop trying to force it for your convenience.. Learn about deaf culture and take your child to local community events so she can meet peers locally.. Learn to sign.

retrofr0g − Nta. What is wrong with your parents :( I'm so sorry for you and your siblings, especially your little sister who is treated with so much disrespect.

These Redditors cheered the teen’s gutsy stand but didn’t hold back on the parents’ failings. Are they just venting, or do their hot takes hit the mark?

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This story lays bare the pain of a family failing to listen—literally and figuratively. The teen’s fight for her deaf sister shines a light on love and advocacy, but the parents’ resistance casts a long shadow. Learning sign language could be their first step toward healing, but it takes more than words to rebuild trust. Have you ever had to stand up for someone’s needs in your family? What would you do in this situation? Share your thoughts below.

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