AITA for accepting money from a friend’s estate against the wishes of their family?

The quiet hum of a small-town café once echoed with laughter as two friends, bound by a love for Golden Girls reruns, shared stories over coffee. Jack, a vibrant 61-year-old, had built a new life after his family’s rejection, finding solace in a community that embraced him. When he passed away unexpectedly from COVID, his will revealed a heartfelt choice: his wealth would go to his chosen family—his friends, including a close companion who now faced a storm of resentment from Jack’s estranged kin.

Their anger burned hot, accusing this friend of stealing what they claimed was theirs by blood. The money, a symbol of Jack’s hard-won success, became a battleground for old wounds and new greed. Caught between loyalty to a friend’s final wishes and the family’s bitter demands, the inheritor stood at a crossroads, grappling with a question: what does family truly mean?

‘AITA for accepting money from a friend’s estate against the wishes of their family?’

I (35M) recently had a friend pass away unexpectedly from COVID. My friend (61M) was nearly twice my age however we met at a social event for gay men and struck up a friendship based on our shared love of 80s TV shows (particularly the Golden Girls).

My friend, lets call him Jack, was estranged from his family because he divorced his wife and came out as gay when his kids were teenagers. This was back in the 90s and things weren't as accepting as they are now for gay people, so he faced brutal social isolation and r**ection from his children after he came out.

He told me he truly thought he was straight when he married his wife but through the course of their marriage he realized he was gay. After Jack was rejected by his friends and family he moved to another state (my state) and found a gay friendly city and started a small business.

His business was quite successful and he paid for his children's college education (even though they still didn't speak to him) and he remained estranged from them until his death. After he passed away his lawyer contacted me to let me know that because he never reconciled with his children,

and their n**ty conduct towards him well into their adult years, he decided to only give them a token amount in his will. The vast majority of his money was given to his friends who he said he considered his true family. Since we were very close friends, he left me a considerable sum of money in his will.

I think the amount I was left drew the ire of his children/ex-wife and they are saying that he robbed them of a normal family and life and they deserve the money for the suffering he put them through. WIBTA if I told them to shove it (as I would like to) and keep the money regardless?

Jack’s decision to leave his estate to his friends speaks volumes about the pain of estrangement and the power of chosen family. His children’s rejection, rooted in his coming out, left scars that shaped his legacy. Now, their demand for his wealth reopens those wounds, placing the inheritor in a delicate moral bind. Honoring Jack’s will is not just about money—it’s about respecting his life’s truth.

Family therapist Dr. Joshua Coleman, an expert on estrangement, states, “When parents are rejected by their children, they often redirect their emotional and financial resources to those who reciprocate their love”. Jack’s choice reflects this, prioritizing friends who became his family over those who shunned him. Giving in to his children’s demands risks betraying his explicit wishes, undermining the bonds he valued most.

This situation mirrors a broader societal shift, where 27% of Americans report being estranged from a family member. Jack’s story highlights how rejection can redefine family, with chosen connections often proving stronger than blood. His children’s sense of entitlement ignores their role in the rift, framing their suffering as his fault—a narrative that lacks accountability.

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To navigate this, the inheritor should hold firm, perhaps using the funds to honor Jack’s memory, like supporting LGBTQ+ causes he valued. Dr. Coleman suggests open communication where possible, but not at the cost of personal integrity. Staying true to Jack’s wishes ensures his legacy endures.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s take on this inheritance drama was clear and fiery. The community rallied behind the inheritor, seeing Jack’s will as a testament to his chosen family over those who rejected him. They viewed the estranged family’s demands as opportunistic, arguing that their decades of cruelty forfeited any claim to his wealth.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Funny how they are looking for their piece of the pie now after he's dead and they treated him like s**t for nearly 30 years. Death brings out the worst in people so who think they're suddenly entitled to part of the estate. They don't get to decide what they're entitled to. Their dad and the will do. It was willed to you. It's yours. His kids have made their bed and now they can sleep in it.

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nimajneb21 − Ywbta if you gave them the money. He clearly didn’t want them to have it. NTA

Itsme_siiiimbaaaa − NTA. He didn’t rob them of anything. They’re just selfish and honestly I believe you were his family, not them. Family doesn’t end with blood. We can choose who we want in our family. Keep the money that and ignore them or you can tell them to shove it. Either way he left it to you. Not them.

musical_spork − NTA. Their 'suffering' is their own fault.

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ThaneOfCawdorrr − NTA. this isn't his family. These are people who are STILL being disgusting about him. 'HE' robbed them of a normal family and life? 'HE' put THEM through suffering? These are hateful, terrible people who were cruel to him throughout his life and now want to steal his money. He left it to his REAL family--his friends--and to you.

These were his last wishes. You have a moral obligation to honor them. If he could somehow see you now, imagine how he would feel if you actually did give in to their cruelty, h**red, and bullying, and gave them some of his hard-earned money? He wanted YOU to have it! He very, very specifically did NOT want them to have it.

You are not only NTA, you WOULD be TA if you disregarded his final wishes. Honor him and keep the money. If you want, you can use part of it to create a sort of memorial--donate a bench with a plaque to his favorite place, a park, a library, with a Golden Girls quote, something like that!

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newbie2454229 − They can't accept the gay dad but the gay dad's money is always welcome. NTA, they cut him off and don't deserve anything from him.

[Reddit User] − Didn't a wise prophet once say, 'There's nothing that cures a lifetime of hate like a phone call from the executor of a will.' You are NTA. Enjoy your inheritance, enjoy the Golden Girls and make a contribution to a donkey sanctuary in all their names so everyone realizes what jack asses they are. Good luck to you.

shiningci − Absolutely NTA. If that's what was in your friend's will, then that's it. His family doesn't get to reap the rewards of his success when they were so s**tty towards him.

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SoloBurger13 − NTA you were his chosen family and even in death he honored that. Much love. Sorry for your loss.

beckery − Honey, you take that money and do something fun in his memory. Or donate to a cause he would have appreciated. His family abandoned him.. NTA. I'm glad he had you and other friends in his life. So sorry for your loss.

Commenters urged the inheritor to stand firm, suggesting ways to celebrate Jack’s life with the money, from fun tributes to meaningful donations. The consensus was that honoring Jack’s wishes was not just right—it was a way to keep his spirit alive against those who turned their backs on him.

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Jack’s story is a poignant reminder that family isn’t always defined by blood, but by who stands by you through life’s storms. His friend now carries the weight of his legacy, facing a family that seeks to rewrite their past. How do you balance loyalty to a loved one’s wishes with the pressures of those left behind? Share your thoughts and experiences below.

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