Aita for accepting a trip paid for by my husband to forgive his infidelity when I have no intention of forgiving him and getting a divorce?

When my husband confessed to a one-time infidelity with a coworker, it shattered the foundation of our marriage. Despite his desperate promises—offering to quit his job, switch branches, go to therapy, and even grant me full access to his devices—my heart was set on divorce.

In a final bid to keep us together, he purchased two tickets for a trip, insisting that this getaway would help us mend our relationship. I agreed to go, not out of forgiveness, but because I’ve been longing for a much-needed escape after financial setbacks prevented a family trip a few months ago.

However, deep down, I have no intention of forgiving his betrayal. My acceptance of the trip feels more like a personal indulgence—a chance to travel and regain some independence—rather than a step toward reconciliation. Now, I’m left wondering: Am I the a**hole for going on this trip when my heart is already set on divorce?

‘Aita for accepting a trip paid for by my husband to forgive his infidelity when I have no intention of forgiving him and getting a divorce?’

Relationship experts often stress that reconciliation efforts after infidelity require genuine willingness to forgive and rebuild trust—elements that seem absent in this case. Dr. John Gottman notes, “Without sincere commitment to change, attempts at reconciliation can become transactional and ultimately counterproductive” (read more at gottman.com). In this situation, my husband’s trip appears less like a genuine effort to heal our wounds and more like a strategic maneuver to stall the inevitable divorce.

Psychologists also emphasize that using a trip as a substitute for personal healing can be risky. The emotional disconnect and lingering resentment may only be masked temporarily by the distraction of travel.

My decision to join the trip primarily for the sake of a getaway—and not as a step toward forgiveness—raises valid concerns about the authenticity of any potential reconciliation. Experts suggest that when fundamental issues remain unaddressed, such “trips” can end up deepening the rift rather than bridging it. It becomes essential, then, to confront the underlying pain head-on rather than temporarily escaping it.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community – candid and humorous. Many commenters agree that my decision to go on the trip is justified if it serves as a personal break, even if I don’t intend to forgive my husband. Others warn that accepting his offer might give him false hope or be seen as a sign of lingering attachment. These opinions capture the polarized views on whether using a paid trip as an escape or reconciliation tool is fair when divorce is already on the horizon.

In conclusion, my decision to accept the trip, despite having no intention of forgiving my husband’s infidelity, is a complex one. It reflects my need for personal space and a break from the chaos, rather than an earnest attempt to rebuild our relationship.

Was I wrong to use the opportunity for a much-needed escape, even if it might send mixed signals? I invite you to share your thoughts and experiences: How do you navigate situations where personal healing and reconciliation seem to conflict? What would you do if you were in my shoes?