AITA for Deferring Med School to Chase MMA Without Telling My Wife?

In a whirlwind of ambition and family fallout, a medical school student seized a rare chance to chase his MMA dream by deferring his studies for a year—without telling his wife. Passionate about both medicine and fighting, he saw the deferment as a divine sign to go pro in MMA, but his nurse wife and doctor parents see it as a reckless gamble that threatens their shared plans. Now, with tensions high and a research job offer on the table, he’s caught in a cage match of loyalty and dreams.

This isn’t just a career pivot; it’s a gripping saga of passion, partnership, and tough choices. With Reddit weighing in on his solo decision, the student’s left grappling with the consequences. Step into this ring and decide: was he selfish for following his heart, or should he have consulted his team first?

‘AITA for Deferring Med School to Chase MMA Without Telling My Wife?’

I can't give too much away about my situation because it would reveal where I am. But I started medical school this past week. Due to some clerics errors compounded by a faculty emergency they asked for volunteers to take a one year deferment. I accepted it (without asking my wife).

For some background I've always wanted to be a doctor. Both my parents are doctors, my wife is a nurse and I really enjoy the medical field. But I love, love, love, MMA. It's my passion, in fact I'd hoped to backdoor my way into an MMA career through medicine.

I wrestled in high school, am a purple belt in JiuJitsu, train Muy Thai and am 2-0 in amateur MMA. My MMA coach thinks I have a legit shot at turning pro of I can lose 30lbs and go into the flyweight division. The deferment offer seemed like a message from heaven.

This is my chance to really focus on MMA, maybe pick up my pro card and see where it goes. For sure before I pick up all the school debt and am forced to be in medicine for the next 30 years. I will never get this shot again.

We are more than comfortable living on my wife's salary and I may even be able to pick up some sponsors on Instagram. Well wife is furious at me for not running this by her and she thinks I'm basically putting our future in jeopardy if I get injured.

My parents revealed to me that thier plan all along was to pay for three years of school so we aren't in debt and they are furious with me. My wife and parents are like this joint immovable wall and everyone is mad.

But what's done is done and I can't take back the deferment. My dad found me a post bachelor research position that might even get some some experience to make m1 easier. My wife is demanding I take it. I want to train full time.. Am I the a**hole?

Chasing a dream can be exhilarating, but this Reddit user’s unilateral decision to defer medical school for MMA blindsided his wife and parents, fracturing trust. His passion for MMA is valid, but bypassing his wife, whose salary supports them, and his parents, who planned to fund his tuition, ignored their shared stakes. The physical and financial risks of MMA—potential injuries and uncertain sponsorships—amplify their concerns, especially given his need to cut significant weight to compete as a flyweight. His coach’s optimism may be encouraging, but Reddit’s skepticism about his pro prospects aligns with the sport’s brutal competitiveness.

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Marital decisions require partnership. A 2023 study by the Gottman Institute found that 70% of couples cite poor communication during major life changes as a source of resentment. By acting alone, he undermined his wife’s role, risking long-term strain, even if he resumes medical school later.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman advises, “Major decisions must be co-created to maintain trust”. The user should have discussed the deferment openly, weighing MMA’s risks against their financial and career plans. Taking the research job could rebuild trust while allowing part-time training. For readers, involving partners in big choices prevents fallout. How do you balance personal dreams with family obligations? Share your insights!

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Check out how the community responded:

Reddit stepped into the octagon with this med student’s dilemma, delivering a unanimous jab at his solo move while questioning his MMA odds. Here’s what the community had to say about this career clash:

Allesmoeglichee - YTA. Imagine making life choices like this and not talking about it with the person you spend your life with.

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[Reddit User] - YTA. You say 'we' will be comfortable on your wife's salary but what you mean is that YOU will be comfortable. Your wife will be forced support the family while you enjoy a hobby for a year. That's not comfort.

She's going to resent you bigtime. You don't even seem to have good evidence you'll succeed. You're 2-0 in amateur bouts against cans and your coach thinks you might be good if you drop a massive 3 weight classes. Give me a break.

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[Reddit User] - Yeah, YTA. You can't make major life decisions without talking to your wife man.

TitleTrack1 - NTA for having a passion and potentially looking into it. I’m not going to discuss to weigh in on whether that’s a good idea or not. That’s not the issue.. HOWEVER

YTA for not making a huge discussion without discussing it with you wife first. That’s not cool to do that and incredibly selfish. No wonder she is furious with you. Marriage is a team sport. Not a solo sport like MMA.

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Viking1865 - YTA, for the obvious reason that you didn't talk to your wife.. But here's why you're not thinking straight: You are 30 pounds from making flyweight? So you're 155 pounds. Which means you're looking at cutting 20% of your body weight inside a year, which means you're going on a hard cut.

A year is even too generous, because your goal is to take this year, cut down to fighting weight, while also training hard enough to go pro. I honestly don't see how you can cut that much weight while maintaining your strength and continuing to develop your technical skills.

Like, all due respect to your MMA coach, but I find it very hard to believe that any MMA coach who knows what he's talking about would tell a guy who's in his early 20s with two amateur bouts and is 30 pounds over fighting weight for his best division that he has a legit shot at turning pro.

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All due respect to your own fighting background, but you're going up against dudes who have years and years of training and experience. The current UFC flyweight champ has an Olympic gold in wrestling, and he's been a full time fighter for over a decade.

Going pro is just a pipe dream dude. It really is. Keep on training, keep on enjoying yourself, keep taking amateur bouts. But don't put your career on hold like this in pursuit of something that just isn't going to happen.

Gonebabythoughts - If you had no other obligations or relationships to speak of, I would say, go on with your bad self and follow that dream. But, that’s not the case here, is it? You have people in your life who have invested time, energy and money into you,

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and you didn’t consult any of them before unilaterally deciding to do what you wanted to do. Throw all of your rationalization b**lshit out of the window. These people thought they had a social contract with you, and you broke it. Now, they are mad, and you want the internet to tell you it’s ok.. It’s not ok. YTA.

[Reddit User] - YTA. You made a major decision to live off your wife's salary for a year without talking to her about it. You think it's fine because you're still going to the medical program later but if you're not going to be contributing to household finances for a year, you should have been decent enough to discuss it beforehand.

Sponsors are not guaranteed. And your wife has a point about injuries. All it takes is one mistake or one bad fight to injure yourself. You can't think she's an a**hole for being uset that you made such a massive decision without her or for being worried about your safety!

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poeadam - YTA. This was a big decision and absolutely should have been run by your wife first. While it is great that she earns enough to support you while you do this, you now have an extra year of living on only one salary.

This impacts savings and plans down the road. She also needs to be on board for you to pursue a career in MMA. You could end up with significant injuries, including cognitive issues from concussions, and it will be on her to deal with those for the rest of your lives.

drewmana - YTA your wife needs to know. Her salary may be “enough” but you two have undoubtedly made your life plans around this and you not telling her is a major mistake. By the way, as a current med student, the way you talk about medicine before even starting school is *very* worrying.

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You haven’t even taken a class yet and you’re talking about how being *forced* into medicine will take away your chances, and how getting extra time before it is a gift from heaven. I don’t want to tell you your business, but i’ve seen people drop out for less.

It really seems like medicine isn’t your passion, and if it isn’t your passion, it’s going to be torture for you. I think overall you need to have a long talk with your wife and decide whether medical school is even right for you.

n3x4m - YTA , but not for what you decided but rather how you did it without running it by your wife. That said, damn how badass would a MMA fighter be that kicks ass and afterwards gives their opponents medical treatment. Follow your dreams, but still, YTA.

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These hard-hitting takes slam the user’s decision-making, but do they overlook his once-in-a-lifetime shot? Reddit’s clear: talk to your wife first!

This tale of a med student’s bold MMA gamble throws a punch at the heart of partnership and ambition. The Reddit user’s choice to defer his studies without consulting his wife or parents was a risky move that left his family reeling, even if driven by passion. As he faces pressure to take a research job over full-time training, the question lingers: was his dream-chasing selfish, or a brave leap worth taking? What would you do when your passion collides with family trust? Drop your stories, advice, or spicy takes below!

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