AITA for abruptly cutting my best friend of 17 years out of my life?

A lifelong best friend duo hits a wall when one suddenly turns deeply religious through his marriage. The atheist poster sets a firm boundary after an initial conversion attempt—no more pushing beliefs or he’d walk away. Months later, the friend asks him to be godfather to their new baby, then adds a catch: get baptized first, since his wife worries an unbaptized person is “closer to the devil.”

Poster hangs up, blocks both, and stands firm despite mutual friends calling it an overreaction. This raw shift in a 17-year bond stings, especially with family-like ties. Online voices mostly back the clean cut, praising boundary enforcement while some ponder if a final talk could’ve softened it.

AITA for abruptly cutting my best friend of 17 years out of my life?

The friendship between these two guys started way back in their childhood, building into something truly special over the years.

So, I (31m) have a friend named James (32m). I’ve known James forever, we’ve been best friends the whole time we’ve known each other, our families see the other as...

Everything felt aligned, especially on big topics like religion, until life threw a curveball.

Now, relevant info: I am an atheist. Not the abrasive kind, I just don’t care. Live and let live, just leave me out of it. James and I have always...

Well, that’s changed. James started dating a girl (now married) who is very very religious. Live and die by the Bible type. It can be pretty intense.

He has now taken on those same beliefs. He is staunchly religious now. He’s turned into a very lame and boring person imo, but that’s not important right now lol

Dealing with religious pressure had worn him down long before this.

Now, I’ve dealt with Christians constantly telling me I need to “look to God” or whatever b__lshit they try to push. My family does it, my ex and her family...

ADVERTISEMENT

I’m just… over it at this point. It’s annoying and frustrating having that conversation so often.

One casual chat turned tense when the subject resurfaced unexpectedly.

Anyways, a few months ago, while James and I are talking, we end up at a point where he says “you know, you should consider joining the church. I think...

ADVERTISEMENT

The James I knew would’ve known that was just a dumb thing to say, which kinda added to the frustration since he KNEW he shouldn’t say it. He tried to...

That’s when he drew a hard line to protect himself.

After that, I told him if he or his wife ever tries to convert me, get me to go to church, or pushes their beliefs onto me in any manner,...

ADVERTISEMENT

Excitement built recently around a joyful milestone in James’s life.

Well, fast forward to last week, and the topic came up again. Him and his wife just had their baby. He came to me about being the godfather and telling...

But the happiness shattered with an unexpected condition attached.

ADVERTISEMENT

However, he later called me to tell me how there was actually a stipulation to that. In order for that to happen, I would need to get baptized. His wife...

He stuck to his word without hesitation.

I hung up without saying anything and blocked both of their numbers, just as I warned would happen months ago. He’s now been reaching out through friends to try and...

ADVERTISEMENT

I’ve told them to relay that he needs to give up. I have no interest in being a part of this new lifestyle of his where he decides my boundaries...

Now friends are telling me I overreacted a bit and should’ve had a conversation first before cutting him off, but I feel we already had that conversation months ago?

He got his warning and willfully ignored it. I just followed through.. So, AITA for abruptly cutting my best friend off? Should I have given him another chance first?

ADVERTISEMENT

TLDR: I’m atheist, my friend is newly religious. He tried to push that on me, I told him if he tries that again, I’ll cut him off. He tried again....

Edit: the issue isn’t the religion in and of itself. The issue is ignoring the boundaries I’ve set. Just wanted to add that emphasis

Edit2: I have no idea how Godfather works in terms of the literal rules lol to me it’s more of the concept of “if we die, you take the kid”...

ADVERTISEMENT

and isn’t aware of the rules specifically himself. So obviously, yes, by the Bible I wouldn’t have been able to be the godfather.

Friendships evolve, and sometimes core changes like sudden deep religiosity create rifts that feel impossible to bridge. Here, the real issue isn’t faith itself but repeated boundary violations—first a “joke” suggestion, then weaponizing a godfather role for conversion.

Relationship therapist Esther Perel often discusses how boundaries protect intimacy; ignoring them erodes trust fast. The poster’s clear warning months prior counts as that tough conversation—repeating it would’ve just invited more debate.

ADVERTISEMENT

That “closer to the devil” line adds insult, framing him as morally risky despite years of loyalty. Walking away preserves self-respect, especially after lifelong pushes from others. If mutual friends pressure for reconciliation, a calm reply like “I miss the old dynamic, but boundaries matter” keeps it clear. Grieving the loss hurts, but forcing closeness with this new version risks ongoing frustration.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Strong support poured in for enforcing the boundary without regret.

MushroomNo1525 − If the comment about you being unbaptized and nearer the devil hadn’t been said then I would hear him out. But that comment is entering the level of...

ADVERTISEMENT

Tyaasei − Nta. I've tried to play that game before. Best friend got crazy religious in high school, like, didn't believe in evolution anymore religious. We'd been best friends since...

I tried to be the understanding atheist. Her family ran a church (more like a racket in my opinion). I went to church with her. I was respectful. But it...

My last straw was her telling me that I was beyond help and that I'll burn in hell. She was very shocked when I no longer answered her calls.

ADVERTISEMENT

You did what you had to to respect yourself and your boundaries. You warned him. He chose to ignore that.

He has no right to act hurt when you followed through with what you told him you'd do. You don't owe him anything, but if you must, I would speak...

He's already broken your trust. He's lost the privilege of speaking somewhere more private.

ADVERTISEMENT

Notcherie − NTA. You didn't cut your best friend off, that person is gone. Would you and the person who's replaced him have ever developed such a close friendship, if...

I feel it's unlikely, especially with the consistent pushing of boundaries. It sucks when things end, but people change, and that's okay.

ADVERTISEMENT

It's also okay to walk away when you no longer align with who they are now. They might call it growth, but that doesn't mean you're obligated to change/"grow" with...

ambushbug69 − NTA! About 20 years ago, my best friend became a "born-again" Christian. He told me he was on an escalator going up because he was right with God....

I haven't spoken to him since. I'm not going to put up with that. Be true to yourself and don't put up with any of that BS because its just...

ADVERTISEMENT

swissmtndog398 − I feel for you. I was raised in a VERY kooky, religious family. Like 3 to 4 days a week in church. The funny thing was, as a...

Here's what got me, those same people standing up throwing their arms in the air, waving them like they just don't care, were absolutely horrible to reach other in small...

All those "love thy neighbor"types were suddenly "F my neighbor, he's black, or Indian, or Muslim, or Jewish.

ADVERTISEMENT

I walked away as soon as I was able as I saw it for the sham it was. I had to set the same boundary with my family. Luckily they...

Some acknowledged the pain but affirmed the choice.

Competitive-Bat-43 − It was a ploy to convert you. I grew up Roman Catholic. The point of godparents is to carry on the spiritual teachings of the child. If they...

ADVERTISEMENT

SouthCondition8652 − NTA: your friend was fully aware how you felt and chose to not only ignore your request, but doubled down and asked you to convert.

That’s not a small step out of bounds. If he were to show you how sorry and wrong he was, and he has respected you throughout your friendship, could you...

itsenvelopesjones − Absolutely NTA. I'm also an atheist and, at least in my experience, atheists only feel the need to become "abrasive" when backed into a corner, which theistic individuals...

Seeing a friend go down the route you've described would really upset me too. To have them then come to you and try to convince you to join their religion...

and especially considering your history - would add insult to injury. This is a really awful situation and I'm sorry you had to experience it. I've recently stepped back from...

It all reminds me of a post on some platform I read recently that goes something like this: Yeah, breaking up with someone sucks, but have you ever realized that...

Agnes_Nutter2020 − NTA. You told him a boundary, he broke it. People saying you're overreacting are probably religious. Or not good at respecting boundaries.

A few lighter or practical notes rounded it out.

DesignerSandwich8678 − NTA you set a boundary and he crossed it. And not just crossed it but crossed it in a major way. With that being said, do you really...

siouxbee1434 − Flip it around: how would James have reacted if you had told him he’d have to renounce his beliefs to be your friend? Sorry, James,

9BALL22 − I'm a fellow atheist, left the church over 50 years ago. I'm also Godfather to one of my sister's sons. I told both parents that in the event...

I would make sure he continued the religious education and practices that they have begun. That I would perform the role of Godfather even though I am not a believer.

Spirited-Ad6144 − NTA. He could’ve respected your views as you respected his. Also, you have to be baptized to be a godfather (at least in my church),

so I don’t think that the stipulation is fake, but I think it was a ploy for you to be baptized. I think you overreacted when you could’ve just said...

Say it’s ok, that you just won’t be a godfather and let that friendship run its course, turn it into the kind of friendship that see each other in cookouts...

sterlingrose − NTA. You may not have known how the whole godparent thing worked but he for sure did.

Maybe he thought you’d get baptized just to go through the motions so you could be the kid’s godfather and that way he’d have “tricked” you into it. D__k move...

AgreeableTension2166 − NTA and good for you!

Long friendships don’t earn endless passes on disrespect—boundaries exist for reasons, and ignoring a clear warning twice seals tough outcomes. This shift changed everything, turning honor into pressure. Letting go hurts, but staying true feels right. Would you reopen the door if a real apology came, sans religion talk?

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *