AITA for abandoning my family to go to college?

A life-changing opportunity can feel like both a gift and a burden when family survival is on the line. For one young adult, earning a full ride to a top college promised a future far beyond anything they had known, but accepting it meant leaving behind a struggling family that depended on their income.

What makes the situation more complicated is the weight of guilt and responsibility placed on someone barely stepping into adulthood. Torn between short-term survival and long-term hope, the decision forces an uncomfortable question many readers can relate to: when does helping your family cross the line into sacrificing your entire future?

‘AITA for abandoning my family to go to college?’

A hardworking student faced an impossible choice between family duty and a rare opportunity.

I come from a pretty poor family, and throughout high school, I’ve been working part time to help support the family. It’s not the sole income, but it is a...

and only able to get paid under the table, and part time at that. I got into a top college, and due to my family’s financial status, I got a...

The opportunity promised long-term change but required painful short-term sacrifice.

This isn’t tied to academic performance and guaranteed for as long as I attend, so it’s a crazy opportunity— I have the opportunity to go to a top college for...

Unfortunately, it’s across the country from where I live. My mom is begging me not to go— my sister is too young to work for a few years,

and my mother doesn’t make much, so if I left instead of staying and continuing to support the family, they’d be forced to have an even worse standard of life.

Guilt, ambition, and fear of repeating the past collided in the final decision.

I told them, I’ll continue working until the end of summer, but I have to go. Going hurts us short term, since my family will have less money,

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but not going hurts long term— going gives me the opportunity, in a few years, to make lots of money, which can be much more helpful than what I can...

And plus, for selfish reasons, I want to go. I want to learn, and live a life vastly different from my mom’s life. I want to be great. So I’ve...

I know it will be hard on my mom and sister, but they’ll figure out a way to survive. I’ll be working full time over the summer rather than just...

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In 2 years, my sister will be able to work too. So I’m sure they’ll make it. My mom thinks I’m incredibly selfish to leave her and my 12-year-old sister...

It does make me feel guilty, but I feel, if I give this up now, I’ll someday end up in the same position as my mom, only with an opportunity...

From one perspective, the family’s fear is understandable. Losing a reliable source of income can feel terrifying, especially when options are already limited. The mother’s reaction appears rooted in survival instinct rather than malice, shaped by years of financial insecurity and marginalization.

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From another angle, expecting a young adult to permanently delay or sacrifice a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity places an unfair burden on someone just beginning their life. Education, particularly at a top institution with full financial support, can dramatically alter future stability not only for the student, but eventually for the entire family.

On a broader social level, this situation reflects systemic issues where children in struggling households are pushed into adult responsibilities too early. While helping family is admirable, long-term progress often requires one person breaking the cycle. Choosing growth does not equal abandonment, and ambition paired with compassion can be a powerful force for change.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Many users strongly encouraged the student to prioritize their future and education.

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Live_Rock3302 − NTA You need to think about your own future. As long as they can survive, it is better that you do you.

AnyBioMedGeek − NTA. This is a huge opportunity and you deserve to make a better future.

kistner − NTA. As a parent I'm a bit disappointed that another parent would even think to take away an opportunity like this. Please go make a better life for...

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[Reddit User] − NTA. You are not responsible for anyone but yourself unless you have a kid someday.

Particular-Try5584 − NTA. Not even close. Point out to your mum that you get a free ride NOW, and in a few short years can support her financially much better...

or you can be incredibly short sighted, not go, and lose all of that and work in low paid jobs indefinitely. And while other universities are good,

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the benefit of a top table university does impact your future earning potential, usually you’ll start at a higher salary and increases will go up from there… you’ll be looked...

and yes it’s sucky for those who don’t get this opportunity, but if anyone shoudl take advantage of the privilege of this… it’s YOU.

Others shared personal experiences and emotional reassurance.

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Pitiful_Ad_7147 − NTA. I was exactly this child, and frequently babysat for my siblings when I was 10-18. I truly understand the emotional difficulty here, and urge you to stay...

You are 100 percent correct you will do more good by going, and it is NOT selfish to want a life…it is normal and perfectly fine. Doesn’t make you a...

In my experience giving in to unreasonable demands creates nothing but pain for everyone involved.

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akhicat − NTA, I understand that it a tough situation but if you miss this window then there might never be another. Also if you can work part time then...

It might seem like abandoned but if you stay you will end up a bitter mess. Never burn yourself out trying to make other life better

Dangerous-Rub5060 − NTA. Congrats on the opportunity fr bro. You gotta snatch that up. Just like you said it will help your fam in the long run and tbh they...

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No offense to your mother at all as she is in a very difficult position but she doesn’t have the right to put you in the position to work your...

Some responses were blunt but focused on long-term reality.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Before you were old enough to work, your family survived with 3 mouths to feed and shelter. Now with only 2, it will be slightly cheaper...

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No, not even in the slightest but if you don't start forging a path for yourself and your own success you will end up being the family crutch with a...

You got a sweet deal handed to you that a lot of students your age dream of. You would be insane not to take it. Work during the summer if...

keep your eyes on the prize where a future and career awaits. You are not responsible for anyone but yourself until you have a family of your own but even...

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windylove24 − NTA I was kinda in a similar situation. My family didn’t want me to leave for college bc it wasn’t culturally appropriate to do so.

I’m the oldest and a women so the expectations where that I was going to take care of my family financially and run the household. I am my families retirement...

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This isn’t uncommon in my family. I made the same choice as you and left. A lot family members disagreed. I basically abandoned my responsibilities and duties, it wasn’t an...

It was hard at first. I felt shame and guilt and I wish someone had given it to me straight. You are not responsible for your parents, their responsible for...

It’s an awful situation that your family is poor, marginalized, discriminated against. The reality is that no matter how s__tty their situation is, it is not your responsibility to take...

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You need to worry about yourself because you are the only one who’s gonna have to live with yourself and the effects of whatever choice you make, no one else.

If you stay you are gonna be regretful, resentful, and sad thinking of what if. That isn’t living, just because all you know is surviving doesn’t mean it has to...

You now have the power to help yourself so do not feel bad for taking the opportunity to make your life better possible.

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This story underscores how deeply personal ambition can clash with family expectations, especially in households shaped by hardship. Choosing education and opportunity does not erase love or responsibility, but it can redefine how support is given in the future.

Is it ever fair to ask a child to delay their future for family survival? How should young adults balance guilt, gratitude, and ambition when faced with life-altering choices? Readers are encouraged to share their thoughts and experiences.

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