AITA for a joke I made about how weirdly close my colleague seemed with his adult daughter?

Picture this: a swanky work dinner, the clink of wine glasses, and families mingling under warm chandelier glow. One employee, our storyteller, sits at a table buzzing with chatter, but their eyes are glued to a colleague and his 21-year-old daughter. The duo’s giggling, snapping goofy selfies, and sharing bites of cheesecake paint a scene that’s equal parts heartwarming and, to our observer, oddly unsettling.

Raised in a family where hugs were as rare as a blue moon, this Redditor felt a jolt of discomfort watching the pair link arms and trade inside jokes. Was this sweet or strange? A poorly timed, edgy quip later, and the office air thickens with whispers. Buckle up as we unpack this tale of misjudgment, workplace vibes, and a lesson in family dynamics!

‘AITA for a joke I made about how weirdly close my colleague seemed with his adult daughter?’

I work in a rather nice office, so some of the higher ups make very good money. This colleague does not work in my department, so he is not my boss, but he is definitely much higher up than I am. We were recently seated at the same table for a work related dinner event in which families were invited.

He brought his wife and his adult daughter and son, and I brought my husband. I have occasionally met his daughter a few times when she was a teenager, and she always struck me as a big daddy's girl. Now she is 21, and since she was seated next to her father all night, I got a glimpse at how weirdly affectionate they are together.

They would giggle and take goofy selfies, she would give him repeated kisses on the cheek and would tease him about it leaving a lipstick mark, she would link arms with him and snuggle into his neck, they held hands, and they shared a single dessert and ate off each other's plates.

And she had no issues with finishing multiple glasses of wine in front of him. It was so weird, the whole night. The whole family was there but it was like the two of them were sharing every inside joke, just them. I could understand if she was a little kid, but she's an actual adult.

As we were leaving a couple of us from our table were having a smoke and I joked 'Do you think [colleague] is going to bed with his daughter or his wife tonight?' When they gave me a weird look like they didn't get it, I said that there was clearly something weird there but they told me to drop it.

Back in the office a couple people have chastised me for starting 'malicious rumours', but it really was just a joke. I am now worried this gossip will reach him, and since he is well-respected and well-liked, people will side with him. I know my joke may have been a bit off colour, but was it really that bad?. AITA?

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EDIT: Okay, clearly I f**ked up. At least now I know what it's like to have a post make the front page? Everyone's responses, especially the ones describing their relationships to their parents, have been informative. My family was never physically affectionate at all,

and so to me it genuinely was weird, concerning, and over the top. I see now I was wrong. I see now f**ked up the joke was. I am going to apologize to the coworkers I said it to, and I'll have to pray it doesn't continue to spread around the office.

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Talk about a foot-in-mouth moment! Watching a colleague and his daughter share a tight bond—selfies, kisses, and all—threw our Redditor for a loop, but joking about something so serious? That’s a workplace tightrope walk gone wrong.

Family dynamics vary wildly, and what looks “weird” to one might be a treasure to another. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Healthy parent-child bonds, even in adulthood, often involve affection and playfulness, building trust and security” (source: The Gottman Institute). Here, the daughter’s comfort—snuggling, sharing food—suggests a strong, secure tie. Our Redditor, shaped by a less touchy-feely upbringing, misread this as odd, leaping to a wild conclusion.

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Broadly, this taps into how society views affection. Studies show 60% of adults value physical closeness with family, per a 2021 Pew Research Center report (source: Pew Research). Yet, cultural norms or personal history can skew perceptions, turning innocent warmth into suspicion. The joke? A risky misstep, especially in a professional setting where gossip spreads like wildfire.

Advice: Apologize sincerely—face-to-face if possible—to coworkers, own the mistake, and clarify no harm was meant. Reflect on biases about family ties and keep humor light and office-friendly. If rumors swirl, address them calmly with transparency. Dr. Gottman’s wisdom reminds us: connection looks different for everyone—embrace it, don’t judge it!

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid and humorous! Did our Redditor cross a line or just trip over their own lens? Check out these unfiltered thoughts:

zukka924 − YTA holy s**t man, EXTREMELY inappropriate. You could get fired for that remark.

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7__________36 − YTA. wtf is wrong with you. a daughter has a good and caring relationship with her father and you sexualize it? pull yourself together.. also. And she had no issues with finishing multiple glasses of wine in front of him.. she's 21. she's allowed.

[Reddit User] − YTA. Like, read the room. This relationship seems a little unusual but there’s a huge leap between “more affectionate than the norm” and “illegal i**est.” You turned it up to 11 and got called out.

[Reddit User] − YTA. I mean, come on now. You insinuated a coworker is f**king his daughter. That is wildly inappropriate in an office setting, even if it were true. Maybe they are weirdly close, but most of what you said didn't sound egregious. Like the wine thing - she's 21, who cares? Apparently only you.

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schmavid − 'Hey Reddit, I made a joke to my co-workers insinuating that our boss has an incestuous relationship with his adult daughter. Am I an a**hole?!?'

mofohank − YTA because it wasn't a joke. You thought there was something wrong with the relationship, pointed it out (in a jokey way) then tried to pretend you didn't mean it when people didn't find it funny. Schrödinger's punchline - if people agreed it was serious, if they didn't it was just a joke.

madelinegumbo − YTA. My god. Their behavior was unusual, but you then basically accused him of violating one of the biggest taboos in our society as a 'joke.' That's more than a bit off-color and I am not surprised your co-workers didn't want any part of it.. As a comment, it was assholish and unwise (since you're all co-workers and he's higher up than you).

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InterestingPseudonym − YTA. Everything there is completely normal and in fact endearing, that girl is going to have a much healthier relationships with men than it seems you do. ETA: There is something seriously f**ked up in our society if a father

and daughter can't have a close and healthy relationship. If a girl can't be comfortable enough to goof of with her dad and take selfies, hold hands and share food, because it might be weird, we need to seriously reevaluate s**t.. Edit2: thanks to the kind stranger for my first silver! :)

Unique_User_name_42 − YTA. That was not a funny joke. Like at all. It just made things weird and uncomfortable for your colleagues. You all have to work together and that joke was not appropriate at all.

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[Reddit User] − YTA for all the reasons listed here by others. Incidentally, EVEN IF there actually was i**est going on (which, it cannot be repeated enough, is an absurd supposition), you really think that's occasion for a snide joke? I**est is traumatic, abusive, tragic, and criminal. You want to joke about it?

These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality? Maybe the crowd’s onto something—or maybe they’re just as baffled by family quirks as the next person!

What a wild ride! Our Redditor saw a father-daughter duo light up a work dinner with giggles and closeness, only to fumble with a cringeworthy joke that’s now haunting the office halls. Lesson learned: family bonds are a mixed bag, and humor’s a tricky beast at work. With an apology in motion, this tale’s a reminder to pause, reflect, and laugh at the right stuff. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Drop your thoughts, feelings, or wild work stories below—let’s chat and sort this mess together!

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