AITA fo telling my nephew that he would starve if he thinks i will cave for his tantrum?

On a sun-dappled farm, where chickens clucked and pigs snorted, an aunt’s summer hosting her twin niece and nephew took a stormy turn. While one twin embraced the rustic life, the other, a 12-year-old city boy, unleashed tantrums over meals, culminating in a bold hunger strike. Her blunt warning—he’d “starve” before she’d order takeout—quelled the rebellion but ignited his mother’s fury, branding her cruel.

This Reddit tale rustles up a clash of discipline and defiance, where farm chores and family expectations collide. The aunt’s stand, meant to teach resilience, stirred a debate about tough love versus empathy for a displaced kid. With tempers flaring and plates uneaten, this story invites readers into a rural drama where boundaries meet bratty behavior head-on.

‘AITA fo telling my nephew that he would starve if he thinks i will cave for his tantrum?’

Two yars ago, my sister sent her twins A (M 12) and B (F12) to spend the summer with me in my farm since she and her husband needed a time alone for thenselves and the kids would benefit from a little time far away from the big city. I wasn't to found of this ideia in the begining but eventualy cave in.

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When A and B arrived and i could tell by the look on their faces who would be a problem and the first week with then living with me showed i was right. B was incredble curios and entusiastic about the farm and embraced the farm life pretty fast, she would wake up early, offred to help taking care of the animals(i raise some pigs, chikens and have some horses),

she was really intrested in learning woodworking and even helped me to fix the barn sealing. Just to be clear i didn't forced any of then to work, if they want they could spend all day sitting on their asses.

A on the other hand was the definition of a brat, he would spend the entire day on his phone complainig to the wind about his woes and for being sent to the farm, every day he would throw a tantrum about something that didn't go his way and when he wasn't complaining he was bullying his sister,

obviously i tored into him when i got him putting his sister down and he stoped his behaviour. Long story short, every meal he would throw a humungulos tantrum about the food and i aways told him that he would starve before i cave in, he did'nt believe and tough a that if he started a hunger strike i would cave in and order take out

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(the far is way out of the rout of the delivery so the delivery fee would be pretty heavy) and oh boy how he was wrong, his stunt lasted two days before he uderstanded that i wouldn't cave in and after that he eated all his meals without complaining.

After the summer when my sister got back A told her about my cruelty and she tried to tore into me, but that didn't work, she till this day want me to apology and i refuse, so reddit AITA?

Hosting kids far from their city comforts can churn up a storm of emotions, and this aunt’s clash with her nephew’s tantrums proves it. His refusal to eat, met with her stern “you’ll starve” stance, reflects a battle of wills—she aiming to instill discipline, he craving control in an unfamiliar world. While her approach worked, shutting down his hunger strike, it drew accusations of harshness from his mother.

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Young teens, like the 12-year-old nephew, often act out when uprooted. His tantrums and hunger strike likely stemmed from feeling abandoned by his parents, who sent him away for months with little contact. The aunt’s refusal to order takeout, though practical given the farm’s remote location, leaned heavily on tough love, potentially overlooking his emotional turmoil in a strange environment.

Dr. Tovah Klein, a child development expert, notes, “Children act out to express distress, especially in unfamiliar settings. Firm boundaries are key, but empathy helps them feel safe.” The aunt’s discipline curbed the behavior but missed a chance to connect with the nephew’s underlying feelings of displacement, which fueled his defiance and strained family ties.

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To navigate this, the aunt could have paired her firm stance with conversations to understand his struggles, perhaps involving him in meal choices to give him some control. This story underscores the balance needed between discipline and compassion when guiding kids through tough transitions, ensuring boundaries don’t feel like battles.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit users mostly backed the aunt, arguing she provided food and wasn’t obligated to cater to a picky nephew’s demands. They saw his hunger strike as bratty, not her response as cruel, and criticized the sister for dumping her kids without support. Some felt the nephew’s behavior reflected his parents’ neglect, not the aunt’s approach.

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Others urged empathy, noting the nephew’s tantrums likely stemmed from feeling abandoned in an unfamiliar setting. They suggested the aunt’s tough stance, while effective, lacked compassion for a struggling child. The debate highlights the tension between enforcing rules and understanding a kid’s emotional upheaval.

Howard_CS − NTA, eat or starve, if you can't for medical reasons fine, but I doubt that was the issue. Cruelty would be a lack of food, food you don't like and commit hunger strikes against is a personal problem.

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[Reddit User] − NTA, sister is TA for dumping them on you for so long, when the one kid didn't want to be there, poor kid. Poor you. Terrible parents.

[Reddit User] − NTA. You provided food, he chose not to eat it. Unless he has a specific dietary restriction there's no reason for him to not eat what you've given him.

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Tall_Tax8030 − NTA. Your sister dumped her kids on you for the summer. It sounds like your nephew had his phone and was complaining about your rules, yet his mom didn’t learn about you not caving to his hunger strike until after he went home? That makes no sense. Who was he complaining to if not to his mom? Your nephew is a brat, and your sister is really entitled.

cocoatogo − NTA, but to be clear the issue isn’t that he doesn’t like the food. The issue is that his mother abandoned him with the directive “don’t call unless it’s an emergency.” Being torn from your comfortable home and family for an entire summer would be extremely upsetting. He was most likely looking for SOME sort of control with the food. You weren’t wrong, but please don’t call him a brat.

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shhh_its_me − ESH (except the kid) but not for the reason you asked ... Your sister sucks for dumping the kids with no contact for 2-3 months. More so the a**hole if the kids had not previously spent time with you. This actually sounds like the plot of a movie, you're not an escaped mental patient are you?.

You agreed to take two kids for months in a traumatic situation without an iota of compassion. When A and B arrived and i could tell by the look on their faces who would be a problem and the first week with then living with me showed i was right.

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I don't know if that means this was the first time you met them, the first time they came to the farm or if the kid was just pulling a face because well let's make a list.. His parents abandoned him for 10 weeks, with no contact. That's insane and grossly inappropriate. Possibly with someone he never met, didn't know well?

Moving from the city to a farm , too far away from anything for delivery, so no one to socialize with?. No-one likes moving if it's forced on them adult or child but teens are super sensitive to this.. So no parents, no friends, no/limited new friends, learn to farm or sit on your ass for activities.

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Sullen is a normal healthy reaction in this circumstances you and ass for judging a kid for not liking a circumstance no one would be happy with (unless it was their thing) It has nothing to do with not getting pizza for dinner. It's all about not being willing/able to appropriately, warmly, with consideration engage with a rightfully indignant teen.

Still think this is based on that movie with, The grandparents that were not really the grandparents but escaped mental patients, that I forget the name of. Your succotash is suffering, back story is weak, but if AITA subscribers are your demo character development was on point apparently.

[Reddit User] − ESH after reading the comments and here is why. Obvs, the kid sounds like a lil s**t.. But WHY is he like that? Because of those s**t ass parents he has. How tf can you send your kids off for months and say,'don't call me unless it's an absolute emergency.'

As a mother, I can tell you that only a selfish, neglectful parent would pull that s**t. And finally you. You're the a**hole. Why? Because you are enabling a clearly terrible mother and downplaying how truly awful she is. Tell your sister to get her f**king s**t together for those kids.

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Viener-Schnitzel − ESH. Your nephew is a child. 12 year olds like to start acting like teenagers but it’s emulation. They’re still children. He was shipped away to a COMPLETELY different living environment and told not to contact his mom and couldn’t see any of his friends for an entire summer.

The food was different, the environment was different, the people were different, the entertainment options were different - the list goes on. Children do not do well when they feel abandoned by a parent (even temporarily) and literally everything about their life changes overnight against their will.

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Obviously it’s not okay to reinforce tantrums and he was acting s**tty. But he’s also a child and continuously scolding him and providing overwhelming negative enforcement in an unfamiliar, unwelcoming (from his perspective) environment is absolutely not going to make a child who is clearly struggling act better.

chowur60 − I don't think you're an a**hole. You did the right thing with A, sounds like he needs the discipline.

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ChrissMiss_Mom − NTA why go to aunties farm but for some tough love? God the first time I went to my great aunts sheep farm I was 8? And I was your nephew; the farm smelt weird, the food tasted weird, the house sounded weird at night, was miserable.

1 trip every summer and 7 years later, I looked forward to the farm the freedom it gave and the responsibility. Flash forward to now I just started my mini hobby farm to raise my children on.

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This farm-fueled saga shows how a kid’s rebellion can test even the steadiest aunt. Her stand against tantrums taught a lesson, but a softer touch might have eased the boy’s city-to-country blues. Family dynamics thrive on balance—firm rules with a side of heart. How would you handle a nephew’s meltdown far from home? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep this rustic debate alive!

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