AITA denying grandmother to her grandkids?

In the bustling aisles of a crowded store, a routine shopping trip with two young foster children turned into a heart-pounding standoff for a 32-year-old woman. When a stranger claiming to be the kids’ grandmother rushed toward them, her protective instincts kicked in, sparking a tense encounter that left scratches on her neck and doubts in her mind. This Reddit story unfolds like a real-life drama, filled with raw emotion and the weight of responsibility.

It’s not just about a moment of confrontation it’s a glimpse into the fierce commitment of a foster parent guarding her charges against unknown risks. With the kids’ safety hanging in the balance, her split-second decisions reveal the challenges of fostering and the complexities of family ties. Grab a coffee, and let’s step into this gripping tale of protection and backlash.

‘AITA denying grandmother to her grandkids?’

I (f32) took in two foster kids. It was unexpected because the organization that called me, I originally was only a respite and not a foster parent. Originally I got a call for the youngest (6 months) and they said it’ll be only for a week which I agreed. I work as a casual for a hospital so my schedule is flexible.

The baby who I’ll call Chris (not real name) had some issues due to n**lect but wasn’t told any details, only that the mother and father were to not make any contact.Well the week turned into two months when they couldn’t find a placement so they sat me down and asked to foster instead of being a respite and they’ll help with daycares and such.

I agreed, I admit reluctantly, but I wanted to make sure Chris was cared for. After this they asked me to take in his sister (2 years) Aria (again fake name). I took her in because I heard from other respite she’s been passed to 4 different homes and I wanted her to be with her brother. N**lect was more severe with her.

So this all happened during Covid and I had them for a year now. They are healthy and happy and up to date with their medical shots that when everything opened up again I started taking them to places.. So I took them shopping, big mistake. I heard a shout and an elder woman came running to us and went for Aria as if she were to pick her up.

I quickly blocked the woman’s path and asked her who she was. She didn’t answer and then tried to get to Chris. I blocked her again and I admit my voice got hard and I asked her again Who she was. Finally she seemed to acknowledge me and said she was the grandmother to kids.

The thing is I was weary and again I didn’t know this woman and didn’t want to risk the kids in case this was a stranger. I told her she would need to contact the foster agency (not going to name them) and ask for a visitation and they’ll help her.

But at the moment I’m not letting her near them, seeing as how there was a pandemic not too long ago and I still don’t know what kinda of n**lect they went through with family before they were taken in. Well she didn’t like that and lunged for aria who was standing beside me holding my hand.

She managed to get a hold of her and pull her towards her but I quickly managed to grab onto aria and hold her to my chest. I turned my back and basically used my body as a shield for the kids. I don’t exactly remember how long it lasted because adrenaline was rushing through me but she clawed the side of my neck pretty good and she grabbed a chunk of my hair.

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I think some family members she was with saw what she was doing and dragged her off me. I quickly grabbed the kids and took off. When I went home it took a while to calm the kids down and we’re very c**ngy afterwards. I quickly called the agency where I talked to the kids worker.

She quickly came over and talked to me about the incident where I had to right a report but also she called the police once she seen the wound on my neck. Once it got out what happened and how I refused a grandmother to see her grand babies they said I escalated the situation.

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And to top it off she petitioned to the agency to take in her grand babies and now she was denied after being charged. I have a bunch of family members saying they are disappointed in me for disrespecting an elder. Also that I deliberately did it so she wouldn’t get the kids and I was too protective of them.. I don’t know, just hearing everyday is starting to wear on me so aita?

Fostering children is a tightrope walk of care and caution, and this woman’s quick thinking in a chaotic moment shows the stakes involved. Blocking a stranger claiming to be the grandmother was a reflex born of duty, especially given the children’s history of neglect and the agency’s no-contact rule with biological parents. The grandmother’s aggressive approach, culminating in a physical scuffle, only heightened the foster parent’s need to prioritize safety over sentiment.

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This incident highlights a broader issue: navigating family dynamics in foster care. A 2021 report by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services notes that 20% of foster children face challenges with biological family interactions, often due to unclear boundaries or past trauma. Dr. John DeGarmo, a foster care expert, states, “Foster parents must act as gatekeepers, ensuring safety while navigating complex family claims”. Here, the foster parent’s wariness was justified, as the grandmother’s actions raised red flags about her suitability.

DeGarmo’s perspective suggests that foster parents need clear protocols. The woman did right by directing the grandmother to the agency, maintaining protocol under pressure. However, the family’s criticism of “disrespecting an elder” reflects a cultural expectation that can clash with child welfare priorities. She could benefit from discussing boundaries with her family to align their support, reinforcing that her role is to protect, not appease.

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Practical steps include ongoing communication with the foster agency for guidance on such encounters and documenting incidents for legal clarity. Training in de-escalation techniques could also help manage future confrontations. This story underscores that fostering demands vigilance and resilience, especially when family ties complicate the mission to keep kids safe.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s community rallied behind the foster parent, praising her protective instincts against an unverified and aggressive stranger. Many saw the grandmother’s actions as a clear sign of why she wasn’t granted custody, emphasizing that respect isn’t owed to elders who endanger others.

The consensus leaned heavily toward supporting the foster parent’s quick actions, with users highlighting the importance of prioritizing child safety over unconfirmed family claims. The outcry against her family’s criticism added a layer of solidarity, affirming her role as a guardian.

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Creepy_Addict - Nope, NTA. You didn't know who this woman was and she ATTACKED you. You told her how she could get visitation. Also, CPS usually tries to place children with family before strangers. She either refused or was deemed unfit at the time the children were removed. By her actions, I would guess it was the latter.

broadsharp2 - NTA. Tell those saying you're disrespecting an elder to shut the F up.

[Reddit User] - you saw first hand what you're saving these kids from. stay a hero OP

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brettyrocks - Elderly people, just like anybody else, don't automatically get respect just because they are old. You earn it, just like everybody else. If you are disrespectful to me, I will return that energy.

PeteyPorkchops - NTA. You couldn’t verify what she said. She could have been any nutter off the street. You were doing your job and protecting the kids. If she wanted a chance in hell to have them she should have went through the proper channels

and not assaulted you when she could have easily spoken to you and just seen them at arms length.. Anything that’s happened is solely her own fault. Your family need to mind their own business.

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30ninjazinmybag - NTA tell them all age does mean immediate respect and certainly age doesn't allow someone to a**ault someone else. Who cares what that piece of s**t family think they ALL failed them kids.

Why didn't she do for custody before as I'm sure they would have contacted her.. Keep defending and protecting them kids. If this happens again please phone the police there and then.

No_Yogurtcloset_1020 - Who said you escalated the situation? Because that’s nonsense. You didn’t know who the woman was. As far as you knew she was just trying to steal the kids.. You were also told not to let them have contact with their BIO parents.. You’re NTA in this situation at all.

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Unhappysong-6653 - Nta she attacked and probably lied on what happened

crzycatldyinal - NTA. As a foster/adoptive parent you did exactly the right thing. You had no idea who this woman was. You protected the children in your care. Obviously this woman has problems, otherwise CPS would have been setting up visits with her or

had she been suitable, placing the kids with her. I had to run out of a store once with my, now adopted, daughter when her birth fathers wife came running over trying to take her from me. You are 100% in the right.

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kikogi - “Disrespecting an elder” ew. People don’t get respect just by being old. It’s earned. She definitely did not earn it.

This shopping-trip showdown reveals the high-stakes world of foster parenting, where split-second choices can spark lasting consequences. The foster mom’s fierce protection of her charges clashed with a grandmother’s desperate reach, leaving wounds both physical and emotional.

It’s a stark reminder that safety trumps sentiment in caregiving. Have you faced tough calls in protecting those you care for? Share your experiences below—let’s explore how we balance duty and family ties!

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