AITA. Daughter dyed her hair badly and refuses to go to school?

Gregory Houston Hours
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In a quiet suburban home, a 14-year-old’s quest for perfect blonde locks took a vibrant, orange twist. What started as a simple wish to maintain her golden hair spiraled into a teenage tantrum when an at-home dye job went awry. Her parents, caught between frustration and amusement, faced a dilemma: how to handle a daughter refusing school over her self-inflicted neon disaster?

The girl’s impatience clashed with her family’s caution, rooted in a history of sensitive scalps and a past dye mishap that landed her sister in the doctor’s office. With a professional salon appointment weeks away, the orange hue became a glaring symbol of youthful rebellion, testing parental patience and sparking a debate about consequences.

‘AITA. Daughter dyed her hair badly and refuses to go to school?’

Daughter (14) has always been naturally blond, however the last few months brown hair has been coming through her roots. She has asked us if she can dye it earlierbthis month. We said yes, but only if its done professionally - an appointment is booked for 8th February, very popular salon with good reputation, meaning long wait times but if its being done its being done right.

Reason for this is both her, her sister and my wife have very sensitive scalps, last time older daughter used an at home kit it went badly wrong... doctors kind of wrong. Youngest daughter was happy with this and agreed to wait, but this weekend went out with her friend and bought an at home kit, dying her hair at her friend's house without any adult assistance..

Well, now it's orange. We offered to buy a brown or black kit to cover it until her appointment, but she screamed she is a blonde, not brunette and hasn't really left her room since. She is refusing to go to school until WE 'fix it'. I said I don't have a magic hair fixing spell,

and the choice is go dark for 3 weeks or put up with the orange colour, we phoned the salon but they cannot move up the appointment, but will contact in case of a cancellation.. So reddit AITA for sending my daughter to school with self inflicted orange hair?

Edit. To be clear as its been mentioned a few times, the brown/brunette option was a temporary colour, not a permanent, it'd wash out in a few weeks anyway. Edit 2: we have tried at other salons aswell, however they have similar wait times. One can fitnusnin earlier (25th jan) but honestly their Google reviews are a very mixed bag- 2 stars out of 5 so we're not overly confident with that one.

Edit 3: thanks for all the responses with advice. We won't be dying it again and will try the purple/blue shampoo instead hoping to tone it down. Also wife just got off the phone with a salon who can get her in this Friday so she'll have to suck it up for the rest of the week! It's going to costbus nearly twice as much as the normal salon, so guess who will be doing extra chores for a while...

Final edit: wife sourced silver shampoo so will be doing this shortly. Daughter emerged from her room. Apologising to us for the tantrum which we accepted and apologising for ruining her hair. We laughed, and said its her hair, not ours so she should apologise to herself, so she grabbed a mirror, stroked her hair and said a heartfelt sorry. So all seems to be right in the world again.

This hair-dye debacle is a classic case of teenage impulsivity meeting real-world consequences. The daughter’s rush to DIY her hair ignored her family’s valid concerns about scalp sensitivity, a decision now glowing in neon orange. Dr. Lisa Holloway, a dermatologist specializing in scalp health, notes, “Harsh chemicals in at-home dye kits can cause severe irritation, especially for sensitive scalps, sometimes requiring medical intervention” (source: Healthline). The parents’ insistence on professional dyeing was prudent, aiming to avoid such risks.

This situation reflects a broader issue: the pressure on teens to control their appearance. A 2021 study by the American Psychological Association found that 68% of adolescents feel intense social pressure to conform to beauty standards, often leading to risky choices like DIY hair dyeing. The daughter’s fixation on staying blonde highlights this struggle, clashing with her parents’ protective stance.

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Dr. Holloway’s advice emphasizes caution: avoid further chemical treatments to prevent damage. The parents’ offer of temporary dark dye was a practical compromise, though the daughter’s refusal shows her emotional attachment to her blonde identity. Instead, they wisely opted for purple shampoo, a gentler toner, to mitigate the orange hue until professional help.

For solutions, patience is key. The parents should encourage open dialogue, validating their daughter’s feelings while reinforcing accountability. Using gentle, salon-recommended products like silver shampoo can bridge the gap until the appointment, preserving both hair health and family harmony.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s hot takes on this hair-raising tale are as colorful as the daughter’s locks! Here’s what the community had to say:

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mouskaka − Lol so she had everything set up for her to get it done yet she was impatient, gave in and dyed it on her own? NTA your daughter f**ked up

R3dmund − NTA. You made her the appointment. Her impatience caused her situation. This is a good learning experience for her: accountability. If you make a mistake it’s on you to fix it, no one else. Also, reinforce the medical condition issue your other daughter faced. You can also tell her that children with blonde hair, me included, can and might grow darker hair later in life.

thatbasicfangirl − Here’s a tip. Go out and get a purple toner and purple shampoo. Use the timer and then wash out. Let it dry then put the purple shampoo and leave for 2 hours. It will counter the orange

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Southern-Salary2573 − NTA. Isn’t this a right of passage for all teenage girls? It was for me, and my parents wouldn’t pay for me to fix it, so you’re doing more than my parents did. Learning lessons isn’t the funnest thing in life.

tatasz − NTA. She is old enough to understand consequences.

Calm_Inky − NTA - I get that your daughter is only 14 and the frontal cortex is barely developed, but actions have consequences. You booked an appointment at a good salon in a couple of weeks and after the disaster offered to help her color it darker to help with the optic. Only so much a parent can do.

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luella27 − DO NOT do anything else to her hair, that is step one. She’s likely done more damage than you realize, and even what she has now will absolutely require professional intervention to correct. Since she was lightening her hair, she’s damaged the bonds which hold her individual hair strands together. F**k with those bonds too much and they break, permanently.

The hair will lose all elasticity and will have to be cut. I’ve seen it done and I’ve done it to myself, it’s not how you want to receive your first pixie cut. Putting dark box dye over freshly bleached hair will turn it muddy and greenish, and can put permanent pigments in her hair that will make it nearly impossible to return to her natural color.. NTA, but holy s**t do not let her touch her hair until the appointment.

Thatsthetea123 − NTA. Dying your hair poorly is a rite of passage for her age group. She should be thankful she didn't try the 'I'm going to cut my own hair' thing.

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breaktime1 − NTA. I would have given her 3 options. Suck it up, Cut it off, wear a wig.

barfolomiew − NTA, she f**ked around and found out. Don't let her add a permanent darker colour dye though, suggest a fun temporary one until the pros figure it out at her scheduled appointment.

These opinions range from empathetic chuckles to practical tips, but do they capture the full picture of teenage decision-making or just add fuel to the fiery debate?

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This orange-hued saga reminds us that teenage rebellion often comes with a vibrant lesson. The daughter’s apology and the family’s laughter over her mirror monologue show growth and resilience. What would you do if your teen’s DIY disaster turned their hair into a neon nightmare? Share your thoughts, experiences, or hair horror stories below!

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