AITA because I slept in my daughter’s bed?

In a Texas winter where the air bites like a thousand tiny needles, a young mother huddles under the weight of worry. With temperatures plummeting to a brutal 6 degrees and memories of past power outages haunting her, she transforms their California King bed into a fortress of blankets to keep her 3-year-old daughter, Calli, warm. Her husband, Adam, adopted Calli as his own, but his priorities lean elsewhere, igniting a spark that threatens to burn their home’s fragile peace.

The conflict unfolds like a slow-motion trainwreck, with Adam’s frustration clashing against a mother’s fierce instinct to protect her child. As icy winds howl outside, the real chill settles inside texts from in-laws, whispers of dissolving Calli’s adoption, and a marriage teetering on thin ice. This Reddit saga captures a raw, relatable struggle, pulling readers into a storm of loyalty, love, and tough choices.

‘AITA because I slept in my daughter’s bed?’

I (25F) got married to my husband (24M) who we’ll call Adam. When Adam and I were dating, I found out I was pregnant with my ex’s kid. Adam didn’t care and was thrilled because he’s infertile, and has always wanted to be a dad. I tried for over a year to get in contact with my ex to see if he wanted to be a dad, and he nor his family ever answered me.

Even when I went to their houses. So A has been my daughter’s (3F who we’ll call Calli) dad her whole life, and legally adopted her at 2. Sorry for the tangent, but it’s relevant. We’re in freezing cold weather, and have lost power during higher temps than this the last two years. A kid in our neighborhood got really sick last year because he nearly froze.

So I set up my and my husband’s bed to be a kind of tent so it would keep all the body heat in. It’s a California King, so there’s PLENTY of room for us, Calli and our dog who sleeps with us anyway. I got Callie ready for bed, and tucked her in in our bed to finish getting ready. Adam asked why she was in our bed,

and I explained I was afraid of the power going out because we’ve already gotten warnings and the past two years. He was angry and said that he shouldn’t have to share his bed with her because he might want “loving”. I told him that I wasn’t going to be in the mood tonight because it’s 6 degrees and I’d be worried about Calli.

Long story short, after a huge fight, I took the whole set up (so only leaving him the sheets, duvet and one blanket) and did it over my daughter’s bed. I slept in there with her, and our dog followed us. Adam was so angry this morning that he accused me of wanting a divorce.  I just told him that Calli was coming to work with me today

and I’m dropping the dog off at my mother’s since she works from home so he’s not alone in case the power goes off. Adam went off to work and I’m getting texts from my in laws and a couple mutual friends. Someone even texted me that expecting him to share a bed with a girl he’s not related to is disgusting

but that just makes me question him and his family that that’s their thought process. AITA? I just was worried about my literal three year old. Even if I am though, I’m doing it again tonight. I just want to know because I’m furious at him for blowing it out of proportion, but maybe he’s right to be mad? Idk

Edit: I didn’t think to add this but a comment made me think I should- Calli doesn’t have free access to our room. Adam locks the door after I fall asleep, and because he’s up and down all night, I can never stay up later than him. Calli has multiple times woken me up crying and banging on the door to get in after a bad dream,

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hearing weird noises, etc. Adam always apologizes but it keeps happening, so with her asthma I don’t want to risk her being out in that cold for even a few minutes longer than she has too. Also Adam won’t buy another top that goes over the beds to keep in the heat. He says they’re a waste of money/not worth the price.

I bought two last year but our dog ripped it, and I didn’t have the money to buy another one. I plan to after the new year when I have a full check so Calli can always have one in the cold, just in case.

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Edit 2: Our home is technically in a trust for me from my Aunt, but I’m taking my and Calli’s stuff and staying with my mom while working on how to make him leave. Our dog is already there. Adam has been blowing up my cell phone and work phone because I haven’t apologized and I’m ignoring his parents.

My last straw was all the texts about him saying he wants to dissolve the adoption “when I leave him” because Calli doesn’t respect him as her dad because she talks back, doesn’t listen, runs away, has tantrums, and doesn’t want to spend time with her if there’s people besides us around (again, she’s 3. Barely. She doesn’t “respect” me most of the time either by his definition).

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I haven’t responded to anything. I don’t think I will for awhile.. Yes, we’re in Texas so losing power is a constant stress. Adam has insomnia and has since he was a kid, which is why he gets up and down a lot. He has since we were kids. I’ve known his family since I was like 10. This is new behavior for him.

Until about two months ago, he was perfect. He just randomly started locking the door, and he dots on her. His family has made it a point to let me know Calli isn’t “really” their family, but we’re LC with those that say that so it’s a non-issue.

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Maybe he’s back in contact with them though. Maybe he’s upset about my new job, or that the house isn’t “really” his. He won’t discuss either of those things. I really don’t know.. He’s in therapy already.

This frosty family feud lays bare the tension between parental duty and personal desires. The mother’s decision to safeguard Calli by creating a warm haven reflects a primal instinct, yet Adam’s resistance favoring intimacy over safety hints at a deeper disconnect. His recent behavior shift, from doting dad to locking doors and dismissing Calli’s needs, suggests underlying stress or unresolved issues in their blended family dynamic.

Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship expert, emphasizes, “Conflict is inevitable, but how couples navigate it determines their strength” . Adam’s fixation on “loving” and his family’s troubling view of Calli as “not related” signal a lack of emotional alignment. This could stem from Adam’s insomnia, therapy struggles, or external pressures like family influence, fracturing the trust essential for co-parenting.

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Blended families, comprising 40% of U.S. remarriages per the U.S. Census Bureau, often grapple with such tensions. Adam’s door-locking habit, isolating Calli during nightmares, raises red flags about his commitment to her emotional security. The mother’s intuition, coupled with Calli’s growing distance from Adam, suggests a need for urgent clarity—whether through medical evaluation for Adam or legal steps to protect Calli.

To mend this rift, open dialogue is crucial. The mother could propose couples therapy to unpack Adam’s changes, while practical solutions like a space heater or extra blankets ensure Calli’s safety. Consulting a lawyer, as Reddit suggests, secures Calli’s adoption status.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit community didn’t hold back, rallying behind the mother with a mix of shock and support. They see Adam’s behavior—prioritizing intimacy and locking Calli out—as selfish and alarming, especially given his adoption of her. His family’s comments and threats to undo the adoption only fuel the fire, with many urging the mother to protect Calli and reconsider her marriage.

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Some speculate Adam’s recent shift could signal deeper issues, from stress to possible infidelity, while others highlight the normalcy of a toddler’s tantrums. The consensus is clear: a 3-year-old’s safety trumps all, and Adam’s actions fall short of fatherly duty.

Biteme75 − NTA. Adam is more worried about whether or not he'll get s** than he is for the life and health of his very young adopted child. He is not a father.

SamSpayedPI − NTA. He can live without “loving” for a couple of nights a year when circumstances dictate.. ​. expecting him to share a bed with a girl he’s not related to is disgusting,. What?! She's his *adopted daughter*!

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NorthernLitUp − NTA. It's seriously gross that your husband puts his need or want for 'loving' over the comfort of HIS daughter. And it's SUPER weird that the relatives and friends are saying he's not related to HIS daughter.. I'd have some serious issues with a spouse that acts that selfish.

[Reddit User] − Nta and major red flags with him. Please reconsider this man in your lives. I'm afraid for you. My kids co slept and grew out if it and are now both incredibly capable adults

MutantsAtTableNine − Someone even texted me that expecting him to share a bed with a girl he’s not related to is disgusting She's................his three year old adopted daughter. I can't even with this nonsense. And why on EARTH is Adam locking the bedroom door on your TODDLER?!

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It's extremely common for children that age to wake up in the middle of the night wanting their parents. Adam sounds like a......real treat.. NTA ETA: I see OP's 2nd edit that this is new behavior for Adam over the past 2 months, and that he wants to dissolve the adoption.

I know it's super common in this sub to jump to conclusions, but I have to wonder.....OP, is there a possibility that Adam is having an affair? It could be that he's taking out his guilt over the affair on the 3 year old

by starting to lock the door and insisting that she's a 'bad' child (for only doing normal 3 year old stuff like tantrums........). I don't want to cause OP any more stress than necessary, but it might be something worth looking into, unfortunately...

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JimmiRustle − Someone even texted me that expecting him to share a bed with a girl he’s not related to is disgusting,. So the two of you are related?

Ok-Trouble2979 − NTA. Am I the only person who is creeped out by not only his desire for “loving” but also thinks it’s perverse to sleep next to “a girl he isn’t related to?” She is 3! And his adopted daughter. What the hell?

And I’m also confused by him locking the door, locking the kid out, she can’t go to bed after him, the child can’t get to them, and he is up and down all night.. I find this all confusing and and a bit creepy overall. Maybe it’s just me but hmmm

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Tortie_cat22 − NTA for sleeping in your daughter’s bed. This whole story is deeply disturbing. 1. Adam actively works to keep your daughter separated from you at night (he keeps locking the door even though you’ve repeatedly asked him not to.).

2. Adam is up and down all night… doing what?. 3. Your daughter wakes up screaming at night.. 4. He and his family view her as someone he isn’t related to.. YWBTA if you don’t work hard to find out what’s going on.

Edit: adding more thoughts based on OP’s additional edits and comments. OP, you said you wondered if you are being “too sensitive.” You’re not. Listen to your intuition. You said he used to be meek, quiet, open, and very loving but his personality completely changed in 1-2 months.

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He is now:. 1. Getting irritated with you over minor things.. 2. Yelling at upper management at his job. 3. Expressing excessive road rage. 4. Locking bedroom doors at night (which puts your daughter at risk)

His co-workers have noticed and even his boss called you to ask if Adam needs medication.I don’t know if this man is experiencing an undiagnosed medical condition (physical or mental health) or if he has suddenly turned into an A or possibly worse in the past month.

Either way, you need to keep your daughter and yourself safe. And he should get medical attention. If you are still questioning if you are TA or if you’re being too sensitive or if you’re imagining things, then look to your daughter.

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You said she is now wanting to spend more time with you vs Adam. At 3 yrs old she doesn’t have many words, but with what little she can express she is telling you that even she sees something is wrong.

Beneficial_Island124 − INFO: If this is a recent change in personality, and Adam is in his early/mid twenties, have you tried to encourage him to speak to a doctor? It's possible this is a symptom of something that could be treated. Some mental illnesses can appear around this age.

Additionally, you should try to consult a lawyer before leaving your home, unless you feel that you and your daughter may be in danger there. Many lawyers will offer low cost (or sometimes free) half hour consultations.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. It is -34 today and if I had any inkling that the power might go out, I would do the exact same thing. Maybe he’s got something else bothering him and this was just the tip of the iceberg. I’m not sure why others are texting you about it.

This tale of a mother’s resolve against a husband’s surprising stance leaves a lingering chill. Balancing a toddler’s safety with marital harmony is no small feat, and the Reddit crowd leans heavily toward prioritizing Calli. Yet real life demands nuance. Have you ever faced a clash between family duty and personal needs? Share your experiences—what would you do in this frosty standoff?

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