AITA because I let my daughter stay up until 1?

Imagine a quiet suburban house, the glow of a teenager’s phone piercing the darkness as she sneaks past her bedtime. For one dad, let’s call him Mike, parenting his 14-year-old daughter during his custody week turned into a battle of wills over her 8:30 PM bedtime. Tired of her sneaking electronics, Mike flipped the script, letting her stay up until 1 AM to face the consequences. The result? A groggy teen, a furious ex-wife, and a parenting debate hotter than a summer sidewalk.

This isn’t just about a late night—it’s about teaching responsibility while navigating co-parenting chaos. When Mike sent his bleary-eyed daughter to school after her late-night experiment, her mom called him out for going too far. Reddit’s got thoughts, and they’re as lively as a teen’s group chat. Was Mike’s tough-love lesson genius or overkill? Let’s dive into this parenting pickle.

‘AITA because I let my daughter stay up until 1?’

basically my 14 year old daughter has been going through a phase where she believes that she should stay up late, she has been trying to push her bed time to 10 (its 8.30/9.00) i have split custody with her mum (my ex) and get her every other week, I tried to confiscate her phone at bed time but she still tried to stay up past her bed time.. she would hide electronics and then bring them out when I would leave the room.

so during my week with her (last week) I decided to let her stay up as late as she wanted, she finally went to sleep at 1 o'clock I then woke her up at 7 for school and forced her to go, she was incredibly tired and told me that I was mean for making her go to school. my ex was also incredibly mad at me and thinks I took it to far, even though my ex wasn't doing anything and just letting her go to bed at 11.

Mike’s decision to let his daughter stay up until 1 AM is a parenting gamble that screams “natural consequences.” Dr. Wendy Mogel, a clinical psychologist, writes, “Teens learn best when they face the outcomes of their choices in a safe environment” . Mike’s approach allowed his daughter to experience the downside of late nights—exhaustion at school—without lasting harm. However, his strict 8:30 PM bedtime for a 14-year-old feels out of step with her developmental stage, fueling her rebellion.

Teen sleep is a hot topic. A 2021 study in Sleep Health found that 14-year-olds typically need 8-10 hours of sleep, with bedtimes around 10-11 PM being common . Mike’s 8:30 PM rule, compared to her mom’s 11 PM leniency, likely created tension, as teens crave consistency across households. His ex’s frustration is understandable; mismatched parenting styles can confuse kids and spark conflict.

Mike’s lesson worked—his daughter learned late nights aren’t all fun and games—but his dismissive approach to her push for autonomy risks straining their bond. Dr. Mogel suggests, “Engage teens in setting their own boundaries to build trust.” Mike could sit down with his daughter and ex to negotiate a bedtime, perhaps 10 PM, that balances freedom and responsibility. This collaborative approach respects her growing independence while ensuring she’s rested for school, avoiding future sleep-deprived showdowns.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit swooped in like a caffeinated PTA meeting, tossing out opinions with the energy of a teen on an all-nighter. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

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HereFishyFishy4444 − NTA. I do think 8.30/9 is a little early for a 14 y/old, at least for lights out, but you tried a different method, it kinda failed but I don't think it did tremendous harm either. Though maybe it would be better to discuss what to do and get on the same page with her mom?. Edit: Just read your reply to the other poster, so it actually didn't fail:)

[Reddit User] − 8:30 pm? 14 year old daughter? You can't be serious

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klc81 − NTA for letting her stay up and making her go to school - it was a one-off, and will hopefully help her realise that staying up too late isn't fun. Massive YTA for trying to impose an 8:30 bedtime on a 14 year old. She's well and truly old enough to decide for herself when she wants to go to bed. Just make it clear that however late she does, she still has to be up for school.

bjwindow2thesoul − Nta but does she seriously have to go to bed at 830/9? And she wakes up at 7?! What in the actual. Normal bedtimes for a 14 y old is 10-11pm

MacdonaldofGlencoe − ESH: You're not TA for getting her up at 7 to go to school, her tiredness is her problem for staying up so late. 8:30/9 as a bedtime for a teenager is frankly ridiculous though. You wouldn't have this kind of problem if you'd set a remotely reasonable bedtime for her. The sensible solution is to tell her that her bedtime is her decision but that she has to go to school, no matter how tired she is: she'll soon learn to go to bed at a reasonable time.

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[Reddit User] − Why does she still have a bedtime at 14.

whyamisoawesome9 − NTA. Sometimes kids need to push the boundaries before they understand why they exist

rhys12579 − NTA. For letting her stay up and then making her go to school but. YTA You and your ex need to get on the same page your daughter goes to bed at 11 one week so of course she is not going to want to go to bed at 8:30/9

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She is only a few years away from college where she will most likely be away from parents and she needs to learn regulate her sleep by her self and it's better now than in a couple of years when she has exams and better than in a few when she's at college.

Also I hope you are fair with other rules because her mum seems much more relaxed about rules and in the teenage years where she might start to rebel she will most likely not want to live by your set of rules with you trying to enforce them. I don't know your daughter but many people have chosen to permanently stay with one parent over the other for a lot less than rules.

LynnRic − YTA because of your thought process with it. Natural consequences are great. Hopefully she now knows that staying up until 1 when she has to wake up at 7 will be unpleasant. But that doesn't mean you should dismiss her original concern that an 8:30pm bedtime is too early.

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There's a ton of middle ground between 8:30pm and 1am. Her mom is letting her stay up until 11pm; how's that working? It's 8 hours of sleep. Maybe a 9:30-10pm bedtime would be a compromise if you think she needs more than that.

But your thought process here appears dismissive of your child's expressed thoughts and derisive of her mother's parenting. Your kid is 14. Discuss your reasoning with her, listen to her, and make compromises where possible.

starbuckbuckbuck − NTA. Controlling a kids bedtime just makes them stubborn and resentful. Self regulation is way better.

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These Redditors served up a mix of cheers for Mike’s lesson and side-eyes for his early bedtime. Some saw his strategy as a clever wake-up call, while others called it a co-parenting fumble. But do their takes nail the parenting balance, or are they just adding fuel to the family fire? debate.

Mike’s parenting play was a bold move in the bedtime wars, teaching his daughter that late nights come with a groggy price. But with his ex fuming and his teen grumbling, the jury’s out on whether he went too far. Co-parenting teens is like juggling flaming torches—tricky but doable with teamwork. What would you do if your teen pushed bedtime boundaries like this? Share your thoughts below and let’s unpack this sleepy saga!

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