AITA And also my friends for not wanting to babysit our other friend’s child?

Picture a lively group chat buzzing with plans for a weekend getaway, only for one friend to drop a bombshell: “Who’s watching my kid?” That’s the reality for a tight-knit group of five women in their twenties, now grappling with their friend Lilly’s expectations. Two years ago, Lilly chose to become a single mom, despite her friends’ gentle warnings about the challenges. Now, her demands for free childcare are testing their bond, leaving everyone frustrated.

The tension is palpable, like a coffee date gone sour. Lilly believes her friends should step up as a “village” to help raise her child, while the others feel her decision shouldn’t dictate their lives. It’s a clash of loyalty and personal freedom, sparking a debate that’s as relatable as it is divisive.

‘AITA And also my friends for not wanting to babysit our other friend’s child?’

I am just gonna get straight into it. This is about a group of friends (five people) and one friend expecting us to provide her with free childcare. We are all in our mid/end twenties. Some of us go to university and work part time, others have finished their education and work. A friend of said friend group. I will call her Lilly here - got pregnant about three years ago.

She was separated from the child's father when she found out she was pregnant and it was clear to all of us - Lilly included - that he would be a deadbeat should Lilly decide to keep the pregnancy going and get the baby. Since we are all pretty close, she discussed this with us, we are all women by the way.

All four of us said that the decision was solely Lilly's and we understand her situation sucks, but also all four of us were leaning towards an a**rtion with the following reasons:- Lilly had no stable income at that time, her parents were supporting her financially and adding the burden of a child to that seemed unfair.

The father would be a deadbeat, meaning she was going to be on her own with this kid- Lilly loves her freedom, she has very big fear of missing out. As a single mother in a group of five single young women there would be many things she would have to miss out on. Well, she still decided to keep the pregnancy and gave birth to her baby little over two years ago.

Since then she has been miserable, but not only her. Our friendship is suffering and we are getting tired of her. The father is a deadbeat as expected, he has no contact with Lilly.She expects this baby to be all of ours responsibility. She expects to drop the kid on one of us whenever she wants or needs to,

she expects us to rotate with missing out on events so she can take part in some of them as if this kid was a common responsibility to all five of us and not just her.We specifically don't have kid, because we want to live ours lives and not take care of a child.

Lilly gets frustrated with us over this. She thinks as friends we should take on this responsibility together, we think she was the one who decided to have this child, it was her decision and is her responsibility.. So, reddit, are we the assholes for not taking care of Lilly's child equally?

Edit: If there are questions, please ask, didn't want to make this too long. EDIT 2: Lilly thinks we should step in, because the father is a deadbeat and she should not have to do it on her own.

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Lilly’s story is a classic case of mismatched expectations in friendships. Dr. Irene S. Levine, a psychologist and friendship expert, notes in her blog, The Friendship Blog, “Friendships evolve, and major life changes like parenthood can strain even the closest bonds if boundaries aren’t clear.” Lilly’s assumption that her friends should co-parent overlooks their own priorities, creating resentment.

The conflict reflects a broader issue: the societal pressure on women to support each other’s choices unconditionally. A 2021 study from the Pew Research Center found that 60% of single mothers report feeling judged for seeking help, yet Lilly’s approach—expecting rather than asking—shifts the burden unfairly. Her friends, focused on careers and freedom, aren’t wrong to set boundaries.

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Dr. Levine advises, “Open communication is key. Friends should express needs and limits honestly to avoid guilt or obligation.” Lilly could benefit from seeking mom friends who share her experiences, reducing reliance on her non-parent friends. For the group, discussing boundaries calmly can preserve their bond while respecting individual choices.

Ultimately, Lilly’s frustration stems from the harsh realities of single parenthood, but her friends aren’t obligated to fill the gap. Offering occasional help as a gesture of kindness, rather than a duty, could balance empathy with personal freedom. Clear boundaries, as Dr. Levine suggests, ensure friendships thrive despite life’s changes.

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade for Lilly’s situation. Here’s the raw scoop from the online crowd:

disneyhusband − NTA it’s not your responsibility at all. Your entire life changes when you have a kid and it sounds like she is refusing to accept it so far.

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LetsD01t − NTA. It's her kid. Her responsibility. You guys can help out but it should not be expected but asked if you could look after x on date y for a set period of time. Lilly is TA, asking friends to help out is normal, but expecting your friends to miss out on things they want to do so she can go instead. Not cool. She chose to have a kid, the burden of not being able to go to everything is on her solely.

PurpleDot0 − NTA honestly I don’t blame Lilly though I blame Hollywood and our society in general. Children motherhood and childbirth are all things that are SUPER ROMANTICIZED in every way. I genuinely think a lot of people think “it’s gonna be okay I’ll be super mom and my friends will help and it’ll be like a big family!” Like a hallmark movie where everyone comes together to “do what’s right”

cherry_pie_83 − NTA. Paid childcare exists and you and friends are not responsible for another woman's child, not even if they're your best friend. It's kind to help out in temporary emergency situations, or for special occasions by your choice and offer, but even that is not necessary. And why would anyone want their child stuck with people on a regular basis who don't want them?

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kearnel81 − Definitely NTA. Ahe had to have known this when deciding to keep the baby. Its not yours or your friends responsibility at all. And expecting you all to basically co parent is wrong

[Reddit User] − unfortunately Lily is o**rwhelmed and probably lonely, carrying all the responsibilities of a toddler is no joke, she likely needs mom friends who can alternate babysitting with her. And understand and can commiserate the burden of parenthood.

But y'all arent parents, its normal when people shift from young free and single, to not so much, to drift from friendship groups that no longer share many commonalities.. Beyond that, not your circus, etc. NTA

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Rohit_BFire − Lily is The A-hole here..Not you guys.. A Kid is only the Parent's responsibility...

depotstu − She is the only one responsible for the child, any help the friends are willing to provide is a bonus, but none of you would be the a**hole for not playing daycare

Han-Lou − NTA It’s her kid so it’s her responsibility, missing out on things is part of having a child. That’s what you sign up for. You are not obliged to co-parent, she just can’t expect that of you

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jolovesmustard − So NTA it's really hard being a single parent but its also parents responsibility and no one else's. It's ok to ask for help occasionally but also accept if your request is declined. Expecting all of you to provide free childcare is unfair and unrealistic. Sometimes single parents have to miss out but she made that choice when she kept the baby.

These Redditors rallied behind the friends, calling Lilly’s expectations unfair while sympathizing with her struggles. Some suggested she seek mom friends for support, while others roasted her for treating her child like a group project. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just stoking the drama?

Lilly’s story shows how quickly friendships can hit a rough patch when life choices diverge. Her friends’ refusal to babysit isn’t cold-hearted—it’s a stand for their own paths. Yet, Lilly’s loneliness as a single mom tugs at the heartstrings, raising questions about where friendship ends and personal responsibility begins. Striking a balance is tough but possible with honest talks. What would you do if a friend expected you to share their parenting load? Share your thoughts below!

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