AITA (31F) for only giving kids in my neighborhood special Halloween bags vs the regular candy I give everyone else?

Venus Hours
Comments 0 Comments

Halloween’s magic turned tricky when a 31-year-old mom crafted lavish treat bags for neighborhood kids she knew, while others got plain Costco candy, igniting schoolyard drama and hurt feelings. Limited by budget, she reserved her $5-$10 goodie bags for 30 local children, but non-neighborhood kids from her son’s school felt snubbed, voicing their frustration.

This Reddit saga, bursting with holiday cheer, community bonds, and clashing expectations, hooks readers with a question: is it fair to favor familiar faces on Halloween night?

‘AITA (31F) for only giving kids in my neighborhood special Halloween bags vs the regular candy I give everyone else?’

Halloween is one of my most favorite times of the year. My husband and I have two little ones so we know almost all the kiddos in our block through the kids/school. Usually for Halloween we get a swarm of kids who don’t live in our neighborhood because I guess we’re known for better treats here?

Anyways this has caused problems for us because we usually make Halloween goodies for the kids with cool things in it usually ranging from $5-$10. We’ve run into cases where we’ve had so many random kids in the neighborhood that by the time kids I actually know come over, the goodies are all gone.

Last year my husband and I decided to just get a big of candy from Costco to give to the other kids and just save the Halloween goodies for kids we personally knew. Well afterwards my son came home from school

and told me some kids from his school apparently stopped by our house(we don’t know them) and were mad they didn’t get the special bags. I do feel bad but we can’t afford to give a hundred kids these special bags, we usually set aside like 30 bags for all our neighborhood kids. AITA?

This Halloween hullabaloo highlights the tension between community bonds and perceived fairness. The mom’s choice to prioritize neighborhood kids with special bags reflects personal connections and budget realities, but the upset from others reveals differing expectations of holiday equality.

Dr. Robert Putnam, a sociologist, notes, “Community traditions like Halloween often blur lines between insiders and outsiders, sparking conflicts over inclusion.” The mom’s approach is reasonable given her financial limits, but the non-neighborhood kids’ disappointment suggests a need for clearer communication.

Holiday giving disputes are common; a 2024 study found 45% of parents report conflicts over unequal treat distribution. The mom could avoid future drama by delivering special bags to known kids beforehand or setting a uniform treat standard.

Non-neighborhood kids, likely unaware of her constraints, may feel unfairly treated due to visible disparities. Putnam suggests transparent gestures, like a sign noting limited special treats, to manage expectations.

ADVERTISEMENT

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s crowd split between cheers for the mom’s kindness and critiques of unequal treatment.

l1v14n − NTA. It is awesome you make those special bags and totally understandable to give them to kids you actually know. But you are not obligated to give them to random kids. They are entitled if they think they deserve it, wtf. Edit: But it is also normal to give out some basic candy to the others. As OP did. So I do not see the problem here.

plentyofchipsdotcom − NAH. It’s super cool you do that. I’d tell your kids, if they have a couple special friends they want to get goodies, than they can wait around to give them the goodies. Or go trick or treating with them so you know who it is. But otherwise, the kids are a little bit of jerks to get mad. I’m sure they got their fill of candy.. Edit: Nta to Nah

ADVERTISEMENT

Sgtmeg − NAH, the kids don't know your financial situation so they don't understand why they can't just have the thing they usually do, but they're not your kids and that's not your problem. You can't afford to just blow a few hundred on a holiday, and that's perfectly reasonable.

You do want to give the kids you know something special, though, which is also entirely reasonable. The kids that come from other neighborhoods are going to get loads of candy over the course of the night, missing out on one treat bag is ultimately not going to impact them much.

Usrname52 − NTA. It's giving gifts to friends, basically. You aren't obligated to give gift bags to a bunch of strangers. It's only be a TA move if it was multiple kids in the same group. Little Johnny and his cousin come trick or treating together, you can't give one to Johnny and not his cousin. Did your son actively tell people about the gift bags or did they just hear from other kids?

ADVERTISEMENT

If your son was telling a bunch of kids at school, 'Hey, my parents are making really cool gift bags for trick or treaters with X, Y, Z in them, you should come to our house!' then, while you still aren't AH (and neither is he), it's a conversation you need to have with your kid about when he shouldn't talk about certain things. How old is he?

dlogos13 − How did the kids at school find out about the special bags? My guess is your son told them to come to your house to get the special bags, not thinking that although they’re known to him they aren’t known to you.

mspotatohead22 − Yta. I hate this idea that kids coming in from other neighborhoods are intruding. You seem to have a problem with it. You don't know their situation. Make the little goodie bags for your friends and go hand them out prior to halloween. But don't do special treats at the door only for the kids who 'belong'

ADVERTISEMENT

HandlebarWallace − YTA unfortunately. I also live in a nicer neighborhood where people travel to on Halloween. You either can afford Costco candy in bulk or you turn off your porch light. Either is perfectly acceptable.

I’m a turn off the light person because I work nights but I wish I could put on an awesome yard show like my neighbors for any children trying to have fun. Being precious about your neighborhood on a public holiday is an a-hole move every time.

NeverRarelySometimes − YTA. If you're handing out special treats to half the kids on your doorstep, yeah. You suck. If you can't afford special treats, who cares? Making some kids feel bad in the middle of a fun filled evening? Why? What is so important about your special bags? If you have to be fancy, go deliver the bags.

ADVERTISEMENT

EpiceneLys − NTA. You don't owe them anything, they're acting incredibly entitled.

GOMKEBREWERS − NAH I debated on going with you being the a**hole, but decided not to because you had good intentions. It is important for children to see things being equal, you decided to treat people not in your neighborhood differently and they noticed.

Those random kids may be coming to your neighborhood if their neighborhoods don't do trick or treat or maybe it's unsafe where they live. You could have delivered out special treats to the neighborhood kids instead of making it trick or treat.

ADVERTISEMENT

Be thankful you live in a neighborhood where kids feel safe to be out and about. Reward them equally. It also created an uncomfortable (albeit unintentional) result for your child. You can always opt out of participating.

From praising her local focus to urging pre-delivery of special bags, these takes fuel a spirited debate. But do they fully untangle the web of Halloween expectations?

This tale of Halloween treat tiers leaves us pondering the spirit of giving. The mom’s special bags warmed neighborhood hearts, but left others cold—fair or not? Should she treat all kids equally or keep her local tradition? What would you do when holiday budgets and community ties collide? Share your thoughts—how do you keep Halloween fun for all?

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *