After asking for a divorce and starting proceedings, my husband (32M) is now begging me to take him back. What do I (31F) do?

In a quiet UK home, a woman’s world tilted when her husband slid divorce papers across the table, claiming their love had faded. Heartbroken but resolute, she accepted the end—only for him to reappear months later, tears streaming, begging to rewind.

This Reddit user’s saga, raw with betrayal and defiance, captures a marriage’s unraveling and a woman’s resolve to stand her ground. Her story, a tangle of heartbreak and empowerment, draws us into a drama where trust, once shattered, resists repair.

‘After asking for a divorce and starting proceedings, my husband (32M) is now begging me to take him back. What do I (31F) do?’

Hi everyone, just wanted to preface this by saying I'm in the UK, so divorce law may be a bit different compared to the US or other countries. I (31F) married my husband (32M) four years ago, and I thought we had a solid relationship. However, one night he sat me down and handed me some papers.

My husband had applied for divorce. I was totally blindsided, and stared at the paper for ages hoping I'd read a line saying 'gotcha!' or something. I just asked 'why?', trying not to burst into tears. My husband (without looking me in the eye) explained that over time, he had just felt us growing apart and while he still cared about me, didn't love me.

I felt so heartbroken, but I was also angry that he'd never spoken to me about his issue - it was like he hadn't even given me a chance to fix things. I told him that and he became defensive, telling me that was how he felt and I had to deal with it. He went to bed and I slept on the couch. Next day I thought over it some more, and tried to see his side.

It's true that after we got married, we were both promoted and now spend less quality time together due to work. My father is also terminally ill, and I visit him every other weekend while my husband stays at home. So I suppose I could see where he was coming from about distance, but every time we were together it was never addressed.

Still, after a few more days I decided I didn't want to be with someone who said they did not love me, and agreed to proceed with the divorce. My family were sad for me but understood, however my mother and father in-law both texted me long messages about giving their son a second chance. That was months ago.

I'm now living in the house alone, while my husband stays with his brother. We've had a good relationship the entire divorce - it's been cordial and polite, which is all I can ask for it to be. At one meeting, my husband even mentioned he was going on a blind date that night. It hurt to hear, but at the same time I accepted it because our relationship was as good as over.

All that changed last week, when my husband and brother showed up unexpectedly on the doorstep. My husband was crying and begging for me to take him back. He kept saying he'd loved me all this time and had made a terrible mistake. The whole thing felt so weird, and I ended up telling them both to leave and closed the door.

He blew up my phone with crying voicemails, leaving my best friend to suggest his blind date had dumped him. That might be true but I have no idea. Since then he's been begging non-stop for me to take him back, and that since we haven't got a final order yet, we can still stop the proceedings.

I feel insulted that after starting this, he's now turning around trying to make everything go back to how it was. How can I navigate this, and get it through his head that I don't want him back?. TLDR: My husband filed for divorce out of the blue but now wants me back.

A sudden divorce filing followed by desperate pleas smells like more than regret—it’s a red flag of hidden motives. This husband’s blindsiding move and swift reversal suggest a calculated risk gone wrong. Dr. Shirley Glass, a infidelity expert, noted, “Affairs often precede sudden separations, as one partner tests new waters before committing” (Not Just Friends). His “blind date” and emotional U-turn align with Reddit’s suspicion: he may have chased someone else, only to face rejection.

The wife’s pain stems from his silence before the filing—70% of divorcing couples cite lack of communication as a key issue (Institute for Family Studies). Her strength in proceeding, despite in-law pressure, shows clarity. His begging now insults her resolve, especially without effort to rebuild trust during their marriage’s decline.

Glass advises firm boundaries, like limiting contact to legal channels, to protect emotional health. The wife could benefit from therapy to process betrayal, while readers might journal to clarify their own dealbreakers.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, dishing suspicion with a side of support. Here’s their fiery take:

merdak1 − To make it short. It wasn't blind date. Since beginning he falls for someone, and thought it will be permanent. In day, when he tells you about blind date, he makes a move and it failed.. And now he wants be back in safe place. 'Till he meet someone new.

Popular-Parsnip8911 − Something just doesn’t add up. He may have been seeing someone else but as that didn’t work out he wants to come back with his tail between his legs

FitzDesign − You continue on with the divorce and that gets it through his head. Springing divorce papers on you without any efforts to sort the issues out was horrible and speaks to his lack of character. He probably thought because he had a date that he was king of the hill. He found out that he wasn’t and he now has buyers remorse and is trying to crawl back.

Don’t let him anywhere near you. How can you ever trust someone who would rather divorce than make even the slightest effort to fix things. Go be happy and find someone who truly loves you. I don’t suspect he ever did and you didn’t deserve that. Don’t respond and just let him swing in the wind. If you do respond, let just be a quick note saying that any further communication can be through your lawyers.

Iphacles − It sounds more like this 'blind date' was someone he had feelings for all along, which is likely why he filed for divorce. He left you, tried to pursue her, and when it didn’t work out, he suddenly realized he’d 'made a terrible mistake.' The grass isn’t always greener on the other side, and some people don’t realize what they have until it’s gone. Personally, I wouldn’t take back someone who put me through something like that either.

mpan2501 − Story as old as time, no? He had someone already that’s why he asked for divorce seemingly out of the blue (it’s never out of the blue it was brewing in the background while you remained unaware), it either didn’t pan out or he realized grass isn’t greener and changed his mind. Don’t second guess yourself you know exactly where his heart and loyalties are… good luck

UsuallyWrite2 − Well for starters, he didn’t ask for a divorce out of the blue. He’d had thoughts about it for months, never talked to you about his concerns, had the time to find an attorney to draw up the papers, etc. it was out of the blue for you but not him.. So that was a long, drawn out “mistake” not something said in anger during an argument or in crisis.

You didn’t mention how long you dated prior to marriage but my hypothesis is that he’s been feeling like adulting sucks, wondering what else was out there since he’s been with you since his mid 20’s and figured he’d get out and date around. Now he has and it’s not all he hoped for. If you want to give it a shot, I’d insist on couples therapy. I’m not sure I’d be able to get over that and not be wondering when he’d pull something like that again leaving you alone to sort the pieces.

Agreeable_Orchid_462 − This is a classic move all over reddit all day everyday and with people not on reddit. One person finds someone else, they end their relationship to fully pursue or finally persue that person. It isn't what they thought and they come back. He may not have actually cheated but I promise he thought he could find better and realized he didn't.

No one blindsides someone with a divorce then changes their mind. He told you he didn't love you and suddenly with no effort to work on the relationship at all he realizes he does? That makes no sense. Now if yall were working on things and spending time together I'd be more inclined to believe this sudden change.

My friend's husband did this, he asked for a divorce out of nowhere, moved out, openly dated someone else, realized she was terrible, begged for my friend back. My friend went snooping and found out he'd been in dating apps for like a year. He thought he could do better. My friend started dating a really nice guy and is still with him now. Her ex is pissed because he's single now.

yiiikes00 − Limit his access to you. I’d respond through my lawyer with a cease and desist. It’s over. He made the decisions, and this is harassment at this point.

FumiPlays − It was not the blind date that dumped him but his side piece. So now he's frantically backtracking because of that.. At least that's my hunch here.

Educational-Goose484 − Grass is not greener on the other side and he finally understood that.

These Redditors smell a rat, but do their theories hold water? Betrayal leaves scars—can online sleuthing guide her next steps?

This woman’s tale is a stark reminder that love can’t be switched on and off like a light. Her husband’s reckless divorce push and groveling return expose a trust too broken to mend. Her story challenges us to value our own worth. What would you do if a partner tried to undo their own betrayal? Share your thoughts—let’s unpack this emotional rollercoaster together.

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