UPDATE: AITA for being upset that my husband of 18 years left me alone at the hospital when I was bleeding internally?

A new update has emerged on a deeply personal post about a woman’s recent hospital experience, where she felt abandoned by her husband of 18 years during a critical time. After enduring internal bleeding and the harrowing solitude of a hospital room without the emotional and physical support she desperately needed, she finally confronted her husband. The ensuing conversation was fraught with tension, anger, and vulnerability, highlighting longstanding issues in their relationship that went far beyond that single incident.

The update reveals that despite expressing her feelings in the heat of the moment, she later recognized the importance of repair. She reached out, apologized for the timing of her confrontation, and sought a meaningful dialogue to mend the fractures in their long-shared life. This renewed effort to bridge the emotional gap marks a turning point in a relationship marred by years of unmet expectations and perceived neglect.

For those who want to read the previous part: Original post

‘UPDATE: AITA for being upset that my husband of 18 years left me alone at the hospital when I was bleeding internally?’

I talked with my husband about his lack of support and caring during my hospital stay, he got mad and then ignored the whole convo, as tho it never happened. For those interested enough to want a follow up, here goes (and please, if possible be kind, I've got a lot on my head right now).

So I finally talked to my husband about my hospital stay and it didn't go well. Admittedly, I didn't pick the best time to talk and said things in anger. I wouldn't take back anything I said and I wasn't mean or cruel in how I delivered it, but I wish I had picked a better time so that HE was in a better mindset to receive the info.

We were talking about an upcoming medical appointment for my daughter, and I said that *we'd* be leaving at X time the next day. His response:.

We already asked her bestie and her grandma, both have uncancelable things going on.. Him:

Me: *Again, I am totally admitting this was NOT the best way to bring to these topics* Yes, because not only will she need a ride home, but she needs the support!! Like *I* needed support in the hospital! But you weren't there! I had to do it ALONE!

Me:

Me:

Him: a bunch of childish BS,

I can't uproot my kids, (yes my daughter is 23 but with her current job and housing costs in my area, there's no way she can afford her own place) and my son has great connections in our neighborhood. My only viable plan to go to would be to move to the other side of the country because that's where my only support is.

I'd have to quit my job, pull my kid out of school and move, *IF* Courts would even allow it. So until my son reaches an appropriate age, I'm staying with the expectation that I don't have a husband, I have a roommate with occasional benefits. I'm changing my will and my POA to my sister but that's the most I can do at this time.

For additional clarity, my mom passed when I was 16, and dad passed last January, tho we weren't close at the time. For my biological family, I talk to one sister and my paternal aunt. Otherwise I'm an orphan. I'm fairly close with my MIL, enough to the point where she commiserates with me about my husband's behavior (he's a LOT like his Dad, who she divorced years ago).

Lastly, for anyone who wanted a medical update, I've got an appointment with the hematologist/oncologist coming up but it'll be a while. The worst of my bruises are finally fading and the the rest are gone completely. I'm feeling better every day but if I move too fast and/or clench my abdominal muscles, I get a n**ty pinch.

I keep forgetting to take it easy with lifting and bending, but it's not bad; Mild enough that an ice pack and a couple ibuprofen take care of the worst of it. Luckily my job has been amazing and letting me work from home even on in-office days, they really have been super caring and supportive.

So again, thank you to everyone who commented or DM'd me. It really helped me to see past my husband's callous reaction and that it WASN'T an unreasonable request to ask him to stay with me. It's been an eye opening experience and honestly I'm really sad that after all these years, I can't count on my partner.

Experts in relationship counseling highlight that emotional support during a medical crisis is pivotal for recovery. Dr. Laura Markham, a noted family therapist, explains, “When a partner is present during moments of vulnerability, their emotional support not only alleviates stress but is also fundamental to building trust within a relationship.” In this situation, the lack of accompaniment and reassurance during a life-threatening event has understandably left the woman feeling abandoned and alone.

According to relationship experts, a partner’s dismissive behavior in critical moments can be indicative of deeper, long-term relational issues. The confrontation, though delivered amid heightened emotions, was an attempt to voice a recurring pattern of behavior.

By addressing the specifics of the hospital ordeal—such as leaving her to face potential surgery alone and focusing his anger on minor hospital policies instead of her well-being—she is drawing attention to the fundamental neglect that has eroded the trust in her marriage.

Her subsequent reflections and the feedback from supportive voices suggest that striving for clearer communication and possibly professional counseling may help reframe their relationship dynamics, even if the changes required are substantial.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit community has rallied around the update, expressing overwhelming empathy for the woman’s painful experience. Commenters agree that expecting a partner to offer support during a medical crisis is not only reasonable, but essential. Many shared similar stories, decrying the lack of empathy and practical care that left her to face her ordeal alone.

The prevailing view is that his behavior is symptomatic of a broader pattern of neglect—a pattern that could have serious ramifications for future emergencies if not addressed. Community advice ranges from seeking professional counseling to preparing for a future where she might need to rely on other support systems.

Street-Substance2548 −

Spiritual_Lemonade − Btw yes of course like you know, of course you just sit there.  Last week my Mom and I sat around a lobby until we were literally the last people waiting for her father- my grandfather who was having surgery.

Then we still had hours more to get him settled until we felt ok leaving him with the neighbor in his senior apartment.. It just what you do. . You know that. Your spouse ought to know that.. Do you have a spare bedroom you can take over?

Lucyanova17 − Same old story. Husband reveals his true colours when wife is sick. There is statistics on this. In fact,oncologists are trained to talk to women about the fact that there is a high probability that their husbands won't stick around when wife gets diagnosed with cancer.

After all,what good is a wife appliance that no longer works like it is supposed to?. He can always upgrade to a newer model Unfortunately,marriage is always a gamble when it comes to this sort of thing.Sorry your husband turned out to be a dud

maroongrad − don't forget that as your son gets older, that will make THREE working adults. Between the three of you, I'm sure you could afford a three-bedroom apartment or the rent on a small house. If you divorce NOW and your son isn't yet 18, you get child support too. Don't forget to move retirement funds, life insurance, pensions, EVERYTHING to your kids. And save, save, save, save, save in an account he doesn't know about, so that the moment you find a cheap house or apartment you have the option.

Puffydrift − Oh honey, I’m so sorry he reacted that way. It’s like he’s incapable of empathy. The fact that he just dismissed your feelings and then fell asleep is just...disgusting. You’re absolutely right to make those changes to your will and POA.

He’s proven he can’t be relied on. It’s heartbreaking that you’re in this situation, but you’re strong, and you’re making the best of it. Focusing on your kids and your health is the right move. Remember, you’re not alone, even if it feels that way sometimes.

Unlucky-Put4702 − My 80+ yo neighbor had a minor stroke. I followed to the hospital and stayed for 6 hours. Sitting with her for any moments the staff and MDs would allow. And I returned the following day until other friends arrived.. I didn’t feel heroic. She’d do the same for me and many others if it came to that.. Your husband is not a golden rule kind of guy. The basketball scores are more important?

an0m1n0us − divorce is ALWAYS an option, it may not be an attractive one but sometimes you need to put YOUR needs first. Having someone who truly cares should take precedence over any creature comforts you get from this relationship.

Relative_Demand_1714 − Bleeding internally is *terrifying* and incredibly painful. I cannot imagine going through that alone. Thankfully I didn't have to because I did end up needing emergency surgery/several blood transfusions afterward and my husband had to give consent because I wasn't in a state where I could even communicate much less tell them it was okay to operate.

When it was all said and done and I was recovering I tried to force my partner to leave to go home and at least get some rest and some real food but he refused. The only time he relented was when I asked him to get something for me.

I'll try to be gentle in saying, you will be much better off when you are able to separate. Anyone who could leave you alone in that state, being that vulnerable....that's so cold hearted. You deserve so much better OP and I know that someday soon, you'll find someone who will love you and support you unconditionally. Someone who will be by your side no matter what is going on.

abear61 − So sorry for you. 😰

SaturnaliaSaturday − And make sure you move passports, birth certificates, Ann’s other documents to a safe deposit box.

This update serves as a stark reminder of the importance of unwavering support in a marriage, especially during moments of critical vulnerability. As she processes the emotional fallout of her husband’s actions and reevaluates her future, she invites others to consider what true partnership means in times of crisis.

How can couples ensure that emotional support is prioritized when it matters most? Have you ever experienced a moment where your expectations in a relationship were shattered by neglect? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help inspire others to seek more compassionate, supportive relationships.

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