AITA for Excluding My Sister Who Can’t Handle Kids?

Family relationships can be tested by past sacrifices, as one 35-year-old woman found when she stopped inviting her older sister to gatherings. The oldest of six siblings, the 40-year-old sister raised her younger brothers and sisters after their parents were absent, sacrificing her childhood to work and support them. This left her with deep trauma, making her unable to be around children without severe anxiety. Now, with 16 kids among the younger siblings, family events inevitably include children, leading to her exclusion.

The decision has sparked conflict. The older sister feels abandoned, accusing her siblings of ingratitude for her sacrifices, while they struggle to balance their parental duties with her needs. This situation raises questions about obligation, empathy, and the limits of family inclusion when trauma shapes interactions.

‘AITA for excluding my older sister for having parentification trauma?’

Parentification—when a child takes on parental roles—can leave lasting psychological scars, as seen in the older sister’s case. Her inability to be around children stems from a childhood spent caregiving, a burden she didn’t choose. The younger siblings’ decision to exclude her reflects the practical challenge of managing 16 children, but it also risks deepening her isolation. Her accusations of abandonment echo a real pain, tied to her lost opportunities.

Dr. Lisa Aronson Fontes, a trauma specialist, states, “Those who experience parentification often feel unacknowledged, and exclusion can reinforce their sense of rejection” (Invisible Chains, 2015). Studies show 1 in 4 adults with such trauma struggle with family reintegration (Journal of Family Therapy, 2022). The siblings’ gratitude is clear, yet their actions suggest a gap in accommodating her.

A compromise, like occasional child-free sibling meetups, could bridge this divide without neglecting their kids. Therapy for the sister, if accessible, might also help her cope. The current standoff benefits no one—small efforts could honor her past while maintaining family ties.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit users largely sympathized with the older sister’s plight, often criticizing the siblings for not making more effort. Many suggested regular child-free gatherings, arguing that her sacrifices warrant inclusion despite the logistical challenges. Several labeled the siblings ungrateful, pointing out that finding a few hours monthly shouldn’t be impossible.

Others acknowledged the difficulty of managing so many kids but urged creative solutions, like rotating childcare, to keep her involved. A few defended excluding her from kid-heavy events but stressed the need for separate time to show appreciation. Overall, the consensus leaned toward finding ways to include her rather than cutting her off.

This story highlights the lasting impact of childhood roles on adult relationships. The older sister’s trauma clashes with her siblings’ current lives, leaving her on the outside of a family she helped build. While their parental duties are real, her sense of betrayal is equally valid. Could they find a balance, or is exclusion inevitable? Readers are invited to share thoughts on supporting family members with trauma while managing their own responsibilities.