AITAH for not doing anything for my step children anymore after being called names and filing for a divorce from my husband after he didn’t back me up?
Blended families can be incredibly complex, especially when old wounds resurface amid shifting loyalties. In this story, a 30‑year‑old stepmother recounts why she’s decided to pull back from her role with her 16‑year‑old stepchildren—and file for divorce—after a series of hurtful incidents and a profound lack of support from her husband. Over the six years she’s been married to her husband, she’s worked hard to establish herself as a caring figure in the twins’ lives.
However, when their biological mother returned and the children began to openly disrespect her—calling her by her real name, breaking rules, and even hurling insults—the situation reached a breaking point. Feeling that her feelings were being disregarded and unsupported by her husband, she has now stepped away from her responsibilities with them outside the necessities required for the kids, leaving many to ask: is she the AH, or is she simply protecting her own emotional well‑being?
‘AITAH for not doing anything for my step children anymore after being called names and filing for a divorce from my husband after he didn’t back me up?’
Family therapy experts note that in blended families, boundaries must be clearly defined and mutually respected. Dr. Laura Markham, who specializes in family dynamics and post-divorce healing, observes that “when a stepparent feels continually disrespected and unsupported, it can lead to emotional withdrawal—even if it hurts the children in the short term”.
Similarly, relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman emphasizes that mutual support is key: “If one partner does not back you up during tough times, resentment builds and the foundation of the relationship begins to crumble”.
In this case, the storyteller’s decision to pull back is less about being unkind and more about protecting herself after repeated episodes of emotional neglect and verbal abuse—an understandable, if painful, consequence of longstanding family tension.
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
The responses on Reddit have been highly polarized. Many users sympathize with her stance, asserting that after years of effort to be a supportive figure—despite clear boundaries being set from the start—she has every right to reclaim her emotional space when she is repeatedly disrespected.
They argue that teenagers, regardless of their age, should not be allowed to routinely undermine a stepparent’s role with hateful words. On the other hand, some commenters feel that stepping away completely from a parental role in a blended family,
especially for the sake of preserving one’s feelings, might not be the best long-term solution for the children. They contend that while her feelings are valid, a more gradual re-negotiation of boundaries might serve everyone better for the sake of family harmony.
Ultimately, the heart of this issue lies in balancing self-care with family responsibilities. Our storyteller is not claiming that the children don’t matter—they do, and she loves them deeply—but she also insists that her emotional well‑being is just as important. When her husband fails to support her in moments of conflict, the hurt can become unbearable.
So, AITA? Is she justified in stepping back and even filing for divorce because her feelings have been consistently disregarded, or should she have found a way to stay engaged for the sake of the kids? How do you think one should navigate respect and responsibility in a blended family when loyalty and boundaries are in conflict? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.
You aren’t married to the kids. You are married to their father. And he didn’t support you when support was needed. As a child of divorce myself, I don’t advocate for it as a first option. But IF you are going to take your husband back, you need to establish clear ground rules for what is expected of him if (i) his kids begin treating you poorly again; and/or (ii) bio mom re-enters the fray. If he strays from those agreed terms even once, you’re gone, and he should be made to understand that from the outset.
DEF not TAH for all the stated reasons both from OP, and from those who replied. BUT OP, you also have 6 years good marriage invested in this relationship – yes, they ALL individually and collectively treated you badly when they got what SEEMED like a better offer. And when that did not work out they thought that a too easy apology would bring you back. I’d doubt their sincerity too. But I’d hold off on that divorce. (no need to rush back though) IF they are genuine in their remorse they will be willing to take responsibility for what they did and work hard to convince you that they mean it – trust once broken is hard to repair – couple counselling and family therapy at a minimum – both before and ongoing IF you return. They and only they broke what was good. Congratulations on acting with dignity and holding the line. Don’t rush into either going back or towards divorce. Let them do the work, and if they won’t then you have your answer, and will not be tempted to torture yourself with wondering ‘what if’ because they will have shown you.