WIBTA if I(22F) gave my boss an ultimatum involving my pregnant coworker(29F)?

A 22-year-old daycare teacher is questioning whether she would be wrong for confronting her boss after months of mounting stress at work. She recently received a promotion to co-lead an infant classroom, a role she genuinely enjoys. Caring for babies is demanding, but she says the job has always felt rewarding, especially when the team works together.

Things started to shift when her co-teacher announced she was pregnant. At first, the poster was happy for her colleague and tried to be as supportive as possible. Over time, however, the situation became increasingly difficult as her coworker began calling out sick frequently, arriving late, and contributing less to daily responsibilities. Now the teacher feels overwhelmed managing most of the work alone while caring for multiple infants. After months of frustration, she is considering giving her boss a serious warning if nothing changes.

‘WIBTA if I(22F) gave my boss an ultimatum involving my pregnant coworker(29F)?’

A newly promoted daycare teacher began struggling with an increasingly uneven workload.

I work as a teacher in an infant room at a daycare. I was recently promoted in like June or July, and I love my job. The way the center...

and some aides whom move from room to room. In early August, my co-teacher announced she was pregnant. I was super happy for her and tried to be as accommodating...

She couldn't lift the heavier kids? No problem, I'll take on the task. Doctors appointment? We can switch shifts, and I'm fine with being alone with an aide. Not feeling...

Head home early, I've got this. The way my mind functions is that, if I'm super accommodating and kind, god forbid something happens to me, someone will be there for...

Over time, frequent absences and limited help began leaving her overwhelmed and exhausted.

Well... it's been about three months, and half those days my co-teacher has called out sick without warning, and has been coming in later and later.

The days she is here, she refuses to do anything and is super irritable and uncommunicative. She'll snap at me to do things while I'm doing something else for another...

Sometimes it feels like all she does is sit in cozy corner with one kid. I can feel the tenseness in the room, and I'm getting more and more tired.

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On days she calls off, if anything happens before my shift, I get stuck doing damage control. I sometimes feel like a single parent to like ten babies, and I'm...

Feeling unsupported by management, she started considering a serious conversation with her boss.

I've tried to talk to her about it, but I always clam up because she starts talking about her pregnancy and how hard it is. I've never been pregnant, so...

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I'm so tired. I love my job, but I feel like I'm the only one workin in a classroom that has two teachers. I want to give my boss an...

I know this will shake the center, because I've been an extremely reliable employee, and they only promote aides whom have a track record of fantastic behavior for the infant...

They have no one who is available to take over, and would be stuck without a teacher during a time where staffing is already low.

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But I don't want to leave. I don't want to leave them hanging, I love my job, and I love a lot of the people I work with. In addition,...

But I can't keep up with all the work that needs to be done, and i'm especially irritated that she just sits there and watches me do everything. WIBTA?

Later, the poster added more context about management and her attempts to address the issue.

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MASSIVE EDIT: So I go to sleep and wake up, go to work, and come back online to like 300 comments and messages and I'm a little o__rwhelmed, lol. Y'all...

First thing off the bat, I have talked to my boss before. I expressed my concerns around September, as our numbers were starting to rise from two babies a day...

I guess I thought it was obvious I wouldn't jump to ultimatums without first trying to find resolutions? Idk, I just didn't want the post to be to long 'cause...

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I don't want my coworker fired. I'm irritated with her, yeah, but I don't want her to be tanked. This isn't an "it's me or her" situation to me it's...

My boss is extremely wishy-washy, she doesn't deal with problems unless they become HER problem. Me quitting would certainly be a her problem, because she's the only one who could...

and i know for a fact she does not want to be working as hard as I do all day. Thirdly, A lot of people suggested this might be more...

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Our management went down the toilet when our old director retired and the new one took over. A lot of my frustration is from the lack of support from the...

on top of the attitude that my co-worker cops with me on and off. Oh, and our ratios are fine and legal. It is a 1/4 ratio. When I meant...

Due to fluctuating days(some MWF, some ThF, some TTH, and so on), we have ten enrolled at out center, often with 6-8 kids per a day. It's a LOT, with...

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I'm thinking of trying to more strictly express my expectations, both to my co-worker AND my boss. I'm terrible at standing up for myself, a doormat through and through, because...

But I myself am noticing that I am starting to slip up here and there, which is why I posted this to begin with, to make sure I wouldn't be...

Workplace conflicts often emerge when expectations, workload, and communication fall out of balance. In this situation, the poster’s frustration appears to stem from a combination of physical exhaustion, inconsistent support, and uncertainty about how to address a sensitive topic involving pregnancy.

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From an organizational perspective, the responsibility for resolving such conflicts typically rests with management. Supervisors are expected to create plans when employees require accommodations due to medical conditions, including pregnancy. Adjustments might involve modifying duties, temporarily transferring responsibilities, or adding extra staff to maintain safe working conditions. Without these measures, other employees may experience burnout, especially in high-responsibility environments such as childcare.

There are also competing perspectives worth considering. Pregnancy can involve serious health challenges, and some individuals experience symptoms that significantly limit their ability to work. In these situations, the coworker may genuinely be struggling. At the same time, childcare settings require consistent attention and teamwork to ensure safety for infants. The broader issue highlighted here is the need for proactive leadership. Clear communication, structured accommodations, and additional staffing support can prevent situations where one employee feels responsible for carrying an entire workload.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Many commenters supported the poster and emphasized the importance of childcare safety.

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WhoFearsDeath − NTA, and consider this: her lack of performance is hurting the *kids*. Your state presumably has rules about how many kids to a caregiver, and there is a...

You need two fully functional (in the job’s role) adults to take care of x number of kids. When you approach your boss, I recommend focusing on that aspect.

natshicar − NTA If her pregnancy is affecting her this much she needs to quit or request leave. Her actions are affecting the kids and this is not ok.

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ryleef − Former daycare worker here — are you in ratio when she doesn’t come in? Is the center providing another person to meet ratio? If not, this is ILLEGAL.

This is absolutely the center’s fault, if their teacher cannot come in on time she needs to make a plan with the director. YOU SHOULD BE IN RATIO AT ALL...

You cannot be alone in a classroom with ten infants, that is insane, you cannot provide quality care to ten infants.

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Someone will go hungry or unchanged. Where I live, the ratio is 4:1, and whatever your ratio is, you should be within it at all times.

Failure to be in ratio is the center’s fault. If I was left alone in a classroom with ten infants, I would be on the phone with licensing on my...

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[Reddit User] − NTA. I don't see why your boss doesn't step in here for you.

Others offered balanced advice and suggested focusing on solutions instead of ultimatums.

Admirable_Mud_7423 − NTA. Although, I'm *never* a fan of ultimatums, but if you're going in that direction, may I recommend a change of the language?

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Rather than present it as a "she goes or I do," maybe rephrase it as "I can't properly do my job right now because of the current circumstances. What can...

BooItsKate − INFO: do you know if she’s provided any doctor’s excuses relating to her pregnancy.

The problem you might find arising if you give an ultimatum is that firing employees because of pregnancy or medical conditions due to pregnancy is illegal in a lot of...

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Oh_Wiseone − NTA - do not give an ultimatum. Instead tell your boss the quality of care and higher risk to the infants due to your co-workers inability to do...

And her performance is likely to get worse, as she gets more advanced in her pregnancy. Brainstorm with him what might be solutions. Is there an office job or different...

Can he bring in other help to support you etc. I doubt this is the first pregnancy he’s had to deal with - so he should have some ideas on...

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A couple of users tried to ease the tension with lighter or practical suggestions.

lexisplays − INFO have you talked to your boss about the situation and what your need help with?

Enlightened_Gardener − I had hyperemesis gravida during my first two pregnancies. I was vomiting continuously for the first 5 months or so of each pregnancy, and I actually miscarried a...

I mention this, because in the first pregnancy, I had a Government job, with lots of sick leave, so I was able to work from home a little, and eventually...

In my second pregnancy, I had no sick leave and I had to quit when I was four months pregnant. The point is - your co-worker may be genuinely unwell....

Can she go on early maternity leave so that the centre can backfill her job ? Does she get sick leave ? Can the centre take someone on part-time to...

You should not be having to cover her role. She should not be having to work if she's unwell; but neither should she lose her job for it.

Some women just sail through pregnancy and we have this big glowing picture of "motherhood" that doesn't include constant vomiting,

heartburn and reflux, haemorrhoids, excruciating pelvic pain, back problems and lack of sleep. If she can't work she should be on sick leave or maternity leave.

She shouldn't have to drag herself to work and then sit there watching you. But I'm guessing that she doesn't have any leave at all, which is why she's coming...

Hufflestitchnplay − Can she swap to a different room? I know the pregnant educators at my son's daycare are usually swapped to the preschool room as they do not require...

This situation highlights the challenge of balancing empathy for a coworker with the realities of a demanding workplace. The teacher clearly cares about her job and the children she looks after, yet the growing workload and lack of management support have pushed her to a breaking point.

Situations like this raise difficult questions about responsibility and fairness. How should workplaces support pregnant employees while ensuring that other staff members are not overwhelmed? When a job directly affects the safety and wellbeing of others, what role should management play in resolving conflicts before they escalate?

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