AITAH for breaking off ny marriage when my ex made out with another woman?

A woman recently found herself facing a painful decision after her fiancé revealed a secret he had been keeping for years. Just before their planned wedding, he admitted that early in their relationship he had made out with a coworker while they were already exclusive. The confession came with an explanation: he wanted to clear his conscience before starting a new life together.

Instead of bringing relief, the admission left his partner heartbroken and uncertain about their future. Within moments, she made the difficult decision to end the relationship, explaining that she could not marry someone who had cheated on her. What followed only deepened the emotional turmoil. Her ex insisted the mistake happened long ago and accused her of being selfish for ending things. Soon after, his parents began reaching out, asking why she had broken their son’s heart.

‘AITAH for breaking off ny marriage when my ex made out with another woman?’

The poster explained that her fiancé confessed to something that happened years ago.

My ex (28M) and I (26F) were soon to get married. Last week he told me about an incident which happened more than two years ago.

He told me about him and his coworker who made out after we were exclusive in our relationship. He told me he wants to come clean and doesn't want to...

The revelation left her heartbroken and led to an immediate decision.

I was really heartbroken and didn't know what to do. I gathered myself and told him we are over and I can't marry someone who cheated on me. He mentioned...

We have been together for almost three years now and he called me selfish for ending things over something which happened so long ago.

Even after the breakup, outside pressure continued to make the situation harder.

I have no tolerance for cheating and so my instant reaction was breaking up. Its been a week now, his parents are calling me, texting me and asking what happened...

I don't wanna be with him but I miss him so much. I miss us. Am I throwing everything away for one mistake of his or did I make the...

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From one perspective, honesty before marriage can be seen as an attempt to reset the relationship. Some people believe that admitting wrongdoing, even long after the fact, demonstrates a desire to move forward with transparency. In this view, the fiancé may have believed that revealing the truth would strengthen the relationship before taking the next step together.

However, the timing of the confession significantly affects how it is received. For the person hearing the news, the betrayal feels immediate. While the fiancé processed the event for years, his partner learned about it only recently. This imbalance can create feelings of shock, anger, and distrust. The situation becomes more difficult when the person confessing expects quick forgiveness, particularly if they respond defensively when their partner struggles to process the information.

From a broader relationship standpoint, trust and accountability play a major role in decisions about commitment. Some couples rebuild trust after mistakes, while others decide that certain boundaries cannot be crossed. Ultimately, whether to forgive or move on is deeply personal. What matters most is whether both individuals feel respected, heard, and able to move forward without resentment.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Many users supported the poster’s decision, pointing to the betrayal and delayed confession.

aristocratic_magic − i would leave it as is. you can't be sure it was just making out. and given your reaction, if he cheats again he probably just won't tell...

Illustrious_Bird9234 − Him calling you selfish proves one he was not really sorry as he was not ready to face the consequences of his actions and two it was solely...

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and move on from any guilt while you have to live with this. Plus the reality that he’s been lying to you for years. There’s no going back from this...

Ecstatic_Effective42 − Said this before. .. Saying sorry is in 3 parts: * Acknowledge you hurt the other person * Acknowledge what you did was wrong.

Promise to never do it again. Calling you selfish breaks the first statement, so it's not a sincere apology. NTA.

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EvenSpoonier − NTA. He cheated. You are under no obligation to forgive that.

Chemical_Nebula_6869 − For me, any chance at reconciliation would evaporate the moment he calls you selfish for not instantly forgiving him.

He wants to come clean, he doesn't want to feel guilt, blah, blah, blah, but he has had more than two years to be able to "forgive" himself, while not...

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Other commenters shared balanced reflections and encouraged careful thought.

142muinotulp − The event happened 3 years ago for him. It happened *just now* for you.

Tasty_Doughnut_9226 − he called me selfish for ending things over something which happened so long ago To him, it's fresh news to you.

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Either way he was exclusive with you, he made the choice to kiss someone that wasn't you and chose to keep it a secret for two years. Does he still...

seriousplantlover − Do what your gut tells you, not your heart. If the situation was reversed, how would you feel and react? Be your own devils advocate. Nobody else can...

A few users added lighter remarks while still addressing the situation.

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[Reddit User] − If he told you right away, it was a mistake. You don't accidentally lie to someone for years.

Cocoasneeze − NTA All of HIS actions have been selfish. He decided to cheat, following HIS desires. He decided to not come clean, because it made HIS life easier, not...

But now after years, HE wants to come clean because HE feels guilty. And he has the nerve to call you selfish and sending his parents to bully you, because...

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The situation shows how a single moment from the past can reshape an entire relationship once the truth comes out. For the woman in this story, the revelation felt immediate and painful, even though the event itself happened years earlier. While her ex believed honesty would clear the path toward marriage, the confession instead raised deeper questions about trust and accountability.

Relationships often depend on how couples handle mistakes and rebuild trust after difficult moments. Some people choose forgiveness, while others decide certain boundaries cannot be crossed. In this situation, was ending the engagement the most reasonable response, or could there have been room for rebuilding trust? What would you have done if you were in her position?

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