AITA for going to a college two hours away from my girlfriend and our baby?

An 18-year-old college freshman is facing intense guilt and conflict from his girlfriend and parents. Before his girlfriend became pregnant, he had already been accepted to and planned to attend a university two hours away — a decision everyone initially supported. Now, with a 5-month-old son, his girlfriend says she feels like she’s raising the baby alone, and that it would be easier if he were closer.

He tries to come home whenever possible and relies on his parents to help her when he can’t, but both she and his parents frequently make him feel like a deadbeat. She previously told him she was fine with the distance, but now admits it’s much harder than expected. He feels torn: the college was his long-term plan and he believes finishing his degree will ultimately benefit their family, but he’s questioning whether he should have changed everything once the baby arrived. Is he the asshole for not staying closer to home?

‘AITA for going to a college two hours away from my girlfriend and our baby?’

The college choice was made before the pregnancy:

Both his girlfriend and parents make him feel guilty:

Becoming a parent at 18 fundamentally shifts priorities — not because the person suddenly becomes a different human, but because a helpless infant now depends on consistent, hands-on care. While pursuing higher education remains important for long-term stability, the timing and distance create real hardship for the primary caregiver (here, the girlfriend). Studies on young parents consistently show that paternal involvement in the first year — physical presence, daily caregiving, emotional support — strongly predicts better outcomes for the child and stronger co-parenting later.

The girlfriend’s earlier “it’s fine” likely reflected optimism, fear of conflict, or underestimating the exhaustion of newborn/infant care. Her current feelings are valid and common; many young mothers feel abandoned or overwhelmed when the other parent is physically distant. Relying heavily on grandparents is a stopgap, not a substitute for a co-parent’s active role.

That said, abruptly abandoning a planned degree path can also create long-term instability for the family. The healthiest path usually involves compromise: exploring online/hybrid options, transferring closer after a semester or year, or the girlfriend relocating if feasible. Open, non-defensive communication about shared sacrifices and long-term goals is essential. Right now, both feel unseen — she feels like a single parent, he feels like his future is being punished. Mutual empathy and creative problem-solving (not blame) are the only ways forward.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit community came down heavily on the side of YTA — most people felt the responsibilities of fatherhood should take clear priority over the original college plan.

The overwhelming majority said becoming a parent changes everything and that the poster is not acting like a present dad.

A few commenters asked for more context or offered a slightly more balanced view, but still leaned toward YTA:

This story highlights a painful clash between long-held personal dreams and the sudden, life-changing responsibilities of parenthood at 18. The college plan was made before the baby arrived, but once a child exists, most people expect both parents to adjust their priorities — even if it means sacrificing or delaying some goals. The girlfriend’s exhaustion and sense of doing it “alone” are real and valid.

The boyfriend isn’t wrong for pursuing education, but two hours away limits his daily role as a father. Do you think he should transfer closer or find ways to be more present, or is it fair for him to stick with his original path while relying on grandparents? What would feel like true partnership in this situation?