AITAH for going out drinking with a male friend even though I am in a committed relationship?

A 27-year-old woman in a committed relationship found herself at the center of an intense argument after a night out with a male friend. What she viewed as a harmless evening of catching up quickly became a source of distrust and hurt feelings when her boyfriend interpreted the situation very differently.

The disagreement raised broader questions about communication, double standards, and unspoken boundaries in modern relationships. As both partners compared past experiences and expectations, the situation sparked debate among online commenters about respect, transparency, and what behavior crosses the line when someone is already committed.

‘AITAH for going out drinking with a male friend even though I am in a committed relationship?’

The poster explained how the night unfolded and why it felt harmless.

I (27F) am in a committed relationship. Last night, I went out to dinner and had drinks until the bar closed down with a male friend who was visiting out...

Nothing happened beyond just enjoying ourselves with catching up on each others lives. I’ve never been romantic with this individual, we’re just good friends.

Tension surfaced once the boyfriend learned how late the night lasted.

My BF (29M) didn’t join and I never asked him to join because he doesn’t know this person. I got home past 2 am and he didn’t like that I...

Began to explain to me that if things were flipped, I would entirely have a cow over it. And I admit that I didn’t like him going to a platonic...

He was open about seeing her for lunch and catching up.  He says he doesn’t have a problem with me going out to dinner,

but said I could have caught up by just having dinner and come straight home and this extended alone time wasn’t appropriate regardless whether it was also a platonic date.

The poster expanded on the situation and addressed the criticism.

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He says guys don’t go out with pretty girls unless they have a s__ual interest in them and this friend was probably interested in more than just catching up.. Should...

Clarification: we met late at 10pm and stayed til 2 am. It was a late dinner. We also lost track of time playing mobile games because that’s what we do....

My friend also has a GF, but my BF doesn’t know that. My BF was more concerned about staying out so late without notifying him because he fell asleep before...

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I could have done better in keeping him in the loop, but he said good night and I didn’t bother to text him after that..

Edit: friend is not single, has girlfriend. Thanks to everyone that gave your opinion. I can see the points on both sides. Just because I choose to not click like...

And people here tend to make judgements and say really rude things that aren’t even true. And I can’t respond to those because it would just invite more vitriol from...

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I’m astounded by the by the number of replies, I can’t possibly read them all, so I’m not going to respond anymore.

Please debate amongst yourselves, I’m just not gonna debate with you. I’ve heard many good replies on both sides, aside from some true assholes who are just throwing insults, I...

Conflicts like this often arise when couples have not clearly defined boundaries around friendships and communication. The core issue here is not whether the outing was inherently inappropriate, but how expectations differed between partners and how information was shared.

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One viewpoint supports the boyfriend’s discomfort. Staying out late, drinking, and closing a bar with someone he had never met can reasonably trigger insecurity, especially when the situation mirrors something the poster previously objected to. From this angle, transparency and inclusion could have prevented escalation.

The opposing perspective emphasizes trust and autonomy. The poster did not engage in romantic behavior and viewed the evening as a friendly reunion. Her broader social perspective reflects a belief that committed relationships should allow for independent friendships. The clash highlights how unspoken assumptions can turn ordinary situations into major conflicts, suggesting that long-term compatibility depends on clear agreements rather than reactive arguments.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Many users criticized the poster, arguing the situation crossed typical relationship boundaries.

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Sskwirl − YTA "My BF (29M) didn’t join and I never asked him to join because he doesn’t know this person. " Did you even tell him prior to?

Yeah, going out with single man, alone, that he doesnt know, had dinner, went bar hopping, stayed out till two. .. thats a date by anyone's standard.

It might be different if he knew the guy, but this seems very shady and I would end the relationship if I had a GF that did this, It would...

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Fun_Concentrate_7844 − YTA. ....Dinner and drinking all night crosses the line in most relationships. That was essentially a date. My(M) best friend is a woman.

I've been with my wife for 41 years. Do you know how I manage that? By making sure I don't do anything to make my wife uncomfortable.

Staying out drinking and closing a bar with an opposite gender friend just doesn't look good. But where you really f'd up is not inviting your bf to go. He...

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So, future meet-ups will always make him uneasy. Anytime I can, I invite my wife to do activities with us. Now they are friends as well and do some things...

It just makes life easier having your SO on your side in regards to your friends vs. always being at odds about them. You want a successful relationship, think long...

zotz10 − I would have let the BF know that I was going out and invited him along. Chances are he wouldn't have come.

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If you were running late, a courtesy call would have been appropriate. If the roles had been reversed, you, in all probability, wouldn't have liked it if he stayed out.

Key-Championship-131 − You didn’t ask your boyfriend to join because you knew how he would react Yta and you already know that you are

Some commenters focused on communication failures and double standards.

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cyvaquero − You did not communicate what you were doing, why?

Pristine_Society_583 − If you were playing mobile games, then the phone in your hand would have been a good place to check the time.

I don’t think anyone could say that you were anything but inconsiderate, at the least. Also, it is hypocritical to believe, "It's OK for me but not for thee. "

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savageunderground − Yeah YTA. You answered your question when you said you were not happy with him going to that lunch with his former GF. That is WAY less suspect...

No communication or anything. Not gonna lie, that's pretty s__tty. Also: "My friend also has a GF, but my BF doesn’t know that. " Uhhh Why? Sounds like y'all are...

A few responses were blunt or harsh in tone.

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WPU_Rchezem23 − Idk your dynamic man, I wouldn't feel comfortable with that, but I also wouldn't have gone to go see some random chick I was intimate with and expect...

Accomplished_River90 − The only replies you have done were for people that said you weren't an a__hole for this. Legit shady as f__k and good luck in your next relationship.

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ScoutSteveR − YTA I’m sure he was already a little wary about the dinner deal and then you sent his anxiety through the roof by closing the bar with another...

Of course those who frequently cheat on their partners will come here with their usual BS to rationalize their behavior, but don’t listen to any of that. It’s a word...

I think the big question is why are both of you so friend poor? He’s going to lunch with a former lover. You’re not in touch with your ex’s. Why...

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Why are you going out until the wee hours of the morning with another guy alone? Why didn’t you give your BF the option to go? There’s a lot going...

It’s been decades since I’ve dated, so you and I are in different places in life. I’m married with four children and my second grand child on the way.

I would never be okay with my wife going out drinking with another guy I don’t know until 2AM. It’s disrespectful. I wouldn’t do that to her either.

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Also of note, there is no friendship worth my marriage or making my wife feel uneasy. I don’t have a single friend that would object to her coming along for...

Again, you’re in a different place than me, but I believe you and your BF need to reach an understanding about solo excursions with members of the opposite s__.

This story highlights how easily misunderstandings can grow when expectations around communication and boundaries are not clearly shared. The disagreement was shaped as much by past experiences and assumptions as by the night out itself.

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Is staying out late with a friend inherently disrespectful, or does intent matter more than appearances? How should couples balance trust with transparency when socializing independently? Readers are encouraged to share how they define appropriate boundaries in committed relationships.

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