AITAH If I divorce my husband because he want to stay in Japan for 3 months?

A long-term marriage is being tested when one partner chooses personal ambition over shared family responsibility. In this situation, a woman is questioning whether divorce is justified after her husband insists on spending three months abroad, despite their shared responsibilities at home.

What makes the story more complicated is that this is not the first time he has prioritized his interest in Japan over his family’s needs. With three children involved and a history that already strained the marriage, the situation has sparked intense debate online. People are weighing in on whether this decision reflects harmless self-growth or a deeper pattern of abandonment that cannot be ignored.

‘AITAH If I divorce my husband because he want to stay in Japan for 3 months?’

The conflict began when long-standing interests clashed with family responsibilities.

My husband(44M) has always have strong interest with Japan. He is learning japanese taking online classes in our country. This summer he is planning to take japanese lesson for 3...

I(43F) strongly disagree as we still have 3 children(16F, 12F, 11M). Even I have told him that I will divorce him if he go, He bought the flight tickets the...

Past decisions made the current situation even harder to accept.

For some background: He went to Japan for 2 weeks to learn japanese culture leaving me at home while I was 4 months pregnant with our first daughter.

The question shifted from disagreement to whether divorce is justified.

(We had a huge fight and we nearly got divorced when he was back). and also we went for family vacation to Japan last year.

When personal goals conflict with family obligations, unresolved resentment often surfaces. In this case, the central issue is not Japan itself, but repeated unilateral decisions that leave one partner carrying the full burden of parenting.

Supporters of the husband might argue that maintaining individual passions is healthy and that learning a new language or culture can be enriching. However, the opposing view highlights timing and responsibility. With three children still at home, one parent leaving for three months dramatically shifts labor, emotional availability, and stability onto the remaining partner.

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From a broader social perspective, this situation reflects a recurring marital imbalance where one partner’s aspirations consistently outweigh shared commitments. The fact that a similar incident occurred during a previous pregnancy suggests a pattern rather than an isolated choice. Divorce, in this context, is less about punishment and more about whether trust, partnership, and mutual respect still exist within the marriage.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Many users support the poster, emphasizing accountability and parental responsibility.

TrashRaco0n − Has he tried to make arrangements for you all to go during the summer? Or is he always insisting on going alone?

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dazed1984 − NTA. When you have 3 kids you can’t just f__k off for 3 months because you feel like it, selfish behaviour. He also knows you won’t divorce him.

WinterFront1431 − Him buying the tickets says he either thinks you're a pushover and won't end it, or he just doesn't care. . I mean who the hell leaves there...

Make sure he is served before he leaves and tell him anything he hasn't packed with be waiting in boxes for him to find his own place..

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Also, once he is gone, don't answer any phone calls or texts if he calls hand the phone off to the nearest child and let them speak to dad

Laurel_Hell_ − Ntah, it’s completely fine that he has hobbies and personal interests, but leaving you alone for 3 months with your 3 children is just insane,

if he wants to go, he should find a way of bringing you with him or making some sort of arrangement to make it easier for you to take care...

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Disastrous_Drive_764 − There is nothing wrong with having a hobby. It is quite healthy. But this is abandoning his responsibilities as a husband and father. I agree, I would file...

Some users offered balanced perspectives while still questioning the decision.

No-Fail-9327 − He probably has another family over there.

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Difficult-Bus-6026 − NTA. Your husband is being very selfish. If you decide to go through with divorce,

do you have family and friends that will support you as you transition to being a financially independent single parent? What do your kids think about what their father is...

Others used humor or speculation to lighten the tone.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. So,basically, he basically abandoned you back when you were first pregnant for Japan. And now is doing it again leaving you with 3 kids? . Yeah,this...

Photoelectron − NTA. He's leaving you behind with 3 kids for quarter of a year because of his interest/hobbies?

If by learning Japanese he could get a better job/increase income - something that contributes to the family, I would be understanding about it but that doesn't sound like the...

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He's disregarding all the extra work that puts on you. It seems like a pattern of behaviour too. Selfish doesn't even cover this.

[Reddit User] − NTA - I’m all for supporting your partner’s dreams but this is something else. You two have 3 kids and they need him as much as they...

and he has a responsibility to your family. If he values your family he should delay his trip till the kids grow up and you two go together.

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This situation highlights the tension between individual fulfillment and shared family responsibility. While pursuing personal interests is not inherently wrong, repeatedly doing so at the expense of a partner and children can fracture trust and stability within a marriage.

Do personal dreams justify long absences when children are still dependent? At what point does compromise become self-sacrifice? Readers are invited to share how they would handle a similar situation and where they believe the line should be drawn.

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