AITA for wanting my wife to drive before we have kids?
A husband and wife are discussing starting a family, and while he is leaning toward yes, he has one major condition: his wife must learn to drive and pass her test before they have children. They live in a town in Spain with walkable areas and public transport, but he worries about future responsibilities—school runs, doctor visits, sports events, emergencies—if she remains non-driving. She has never driven, struggles with operating vehicles, and has no plans to learn.
He feels it’s unfair for him to be solely responsible for all driving once kids arrive, especially if they later move to a less walkable area (e.g., rural land they plan to buy). He has proposed the condition clearly: “Let’s do it, but only if you pass your test.” She is upset, and he now wonders if making driving a prerequisite makes him the asshole.
‘AITA for wanting my wife to drive before we have kids?’
The couple is close to deciding on children.
He worries about long-term practical burdens.
He added context about location and future plans.
Having children dramatically increases transportation demands—school drop-offs/pick-ups, extracurriculars, medical appointments, emergencies—that cannot always be solved by walking or public transport, especially if the family later moves to a rural area as planned. If one partner refuses to drive, the entire burden falls on the other, creating imbalance and resentment over time. Driving is a basic adult skill that enables independence and equal partnership in parenting.
The husband is not demanding she drive now; he is asking her to acquire the skill before they bring a child into the equation. That timing is reasonable—learning to drive takes months and should happen before the chaos of newborn care. His concern is practical and future-focused, not controlling. He has not threatened to leave or withhold affection; he is linking a major life decision to a practical readiness condition.
She may have valid reasons for avoiding driving (anxiety, past trauma, neurodivergence), but refusing to even attempt it while expecting children places an unfair load on him. Open discussion about her specific barriers, possible accommodations (automatic transmission, lessons with a patient instructor), or alternative plans (living permanently in walkable areas) is needed. If she absolutely cannot/will not drive, they must honestly assess whether their lifestyle and future plans are compatible with kids.
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
Most commenters declared the husband NTA, viewing driving as a basic adult skill essential for equal parenting responsibility.
Several responses acknowledged potential disabilities or anxiety but still supported the husband’s position if no safety issue exists.
A few comments focused on long-term practicality and the need for mutual readiness before children.
This is a valid pre-parenting conversation about shared responsibility. Driving is a practical skill that significantly eases family life; refusing to learn while expecting children can create long-term imbalance. The husband’s condition is reasonable if framed around fairness, not control.
Have you discussed driving or major life skills before deciding on kids? How do couples balance one partner’s limitations with family needs? Should driving be a prerequisite for parenthood in car-dependent areas? Share your thoughts below!
