AITA for wearing a bra and underwear in my own bedroom?

A 17-year-old girl in Indiana faced criticism from her mother and her mother’s boyfriend for wearing a sports bra and underwear in her swelteringly unbearable room. Living in a house with minimal air conditioning and dealing with POTS—a condition that makes overheating dangerous—she dressed lightly to stay comfortable. But when her mother called her downstairs, the few minutes she needed to put on clothes sparked a heated argument.

Her room has no door, removed as punishment after a past dispute, and her mother and boyfriend called her “always n__ed” and “h__h,” claiming she has no right to privacy since she doesn’t pay the mortgage. With her 18th birthday looming and plans to kick her out, was she wrong to defend her comfort in her own space?

‘AITA for wearing a bra and underwear in my own bedroom?’

It all started as the girl tried to stay cool in her stifling upstairs bedroom:

Hi. I'm a 17F and I'm turning 18 on July 9 (may be relevant later). For some context, I live with my mother, her boyfriend, and my three siblings, Mark...

I live in Indiana, so the weather gets really hot here due to the humidity. My parents don't like to put on too much air conditioning because we live in...

Because of this, sometimes, if I'm sitting in my bedroom, I will chill in only a sports bra and my underwear (usually boyshorts or normal underwear, never thongs or anything...

The situation grew tense because her bedroom lacks a door:

I do not have a bedroom door as my mom's boyfriend took it off after I called them abusive and slammed it while they were badmouthing my dead father, but...

Although I do not have a door, my room is in an "L" shape at the end of the hallway so you cannot see into my room at ALL. I...

When her mother called, the need to dress sparked conflict:

Well, just now I was sitting in my closet working on schoolwork when my mother calls for me. I tell her to give me a second because I am in...

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Since I take a second and she expects me to drop everything and do as she says, she starts shaming me that I'm "always n__ed" and there's no need for...

The confrontation escalated as her mother and boyfriend criticized her:

Once I go downstairs, she still gives me flack for having to put on clothes, and I tell her that I'm not exposing myself, that I'm in the privacy of...

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Her boyfriend pipes up that I don't pay the mortgage and that it's actually THEIR bedroom and that if I were in there, I would need to have clothes on....

She snapped, defending her right to privacy:

I snap and told them I am going to be in my bra and underwear as long as I am in my own bedroom, that you cannot see me, and...

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I think I get it by now." (She has had a problem with calling me names whenever I do anything since I was a child).. Well, now I'm wondering if...

She clarified why her mother was upset and added context:

Edit: the reason she's mad I'm wearing bra/underwear is because I can't come down IMMEDIATELY when she calls and i take two extra minutes to throw on clothes. She isn't...

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Edit 2: not a lacy cute lingerie style bra and underwear. A sports bra.

Edit 3: i am not a door slammer. This was the ONLY time i have EVER slammed my door because I had had it. My dad is a strict no...

This 17-year-old is navigating a tense home environment where her privacy and health needs are dismissed. Wearing a sports bra and underwear in her room is reasonable, especially with POTS, which makes staying cool critical. Her mother’s frustration stems from the delay in responding to her calls, but the harsh criticism and name-calling reveal a deeper lack of empathy. The removal of her bedroom door as punishment further exposes her to vulnerability.

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Child psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy notes, “Denying teens privacy, like removing a bedroom door, can cause lasting psychological harm by undermining their sense of safety and autonomy” (Good Inside, 2024). This act, paired with ongoing verbal criticism, suggests a potentially abusive dynamic. The mother’s boyfriend’s claim that she has no rights because she doesn’t pay the mortgage is particularly dismissive, ignoring her need for basic dignity.

The online community rightly points out the toxic nature of this household. The mother’s history of name-calling and the plan to evict her daughter at 18 highlight a lack of support. This environment risks damaging her self-esteem and complicating her transition to independence, especially under the stress of her health condition and upcoming move.

The girl should prioritize securing a safe place to live, ideally before her 18th birthday. She must ensure she has her legal documents (birth certificate, Social Security card) and check her credit to prevent identity theft, as suggested online. Seeking support from friends or resources like Indiana Legal Help could ease this transition. If the home remains toxic, limiting contact with her family may protect her mental and physical well-being moving forward.

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See what others had to share with OP:

The online community rallied behind the girl, expressing outrage and offering heartfelt support:

Many users insisted she’s not wrong and condemned her mother and boyfriend’s behavior:

[Reddit User] - NTA and your mom's BF is a creepy a__hole if he's denying a 17yo girl privacy in her own bedroom. EDIT: @OP please stay safe and either...

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or have someone you trust there with you while you are moving your things out (maybe the friend you are moving in with? ). I don't think you can trust...

OldCarWorshipper - Your "parents" are vile human beings all the way around. As soon as you move out, go NC immediately. You're young and just starting out in life- you...

eatthecheesefries - NTA. If this is true that you’re being kicked out at 18 then it’s a best case scenario. You need to run as f__king far as you can...

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Be sure you have all of your legal documents with you- birth certificate, social security card, ID, passport if you have one. Do a credit report search on yourself now-...

You want to make sure you’re starting off in adulthood with a clean slate. If you find anything, it’s identity theft, take it to the police. Make sure they have...

StructureWorth5127 - NTA. I see why you called them abusive.

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Some offered deep empathy and practical advice for her situation:

No-Serve-5387 - Hi, I'm a mom who also had a s__tty mom it hurts my heart you've been treated so poorly by yours. You're not a b__ch. You deserve privacy...

Hospitalized_Enby - NTA, by leaps and bounds! I'm also 17F (as of today lol), and if my parents did anything like that I would be leaving as soon as I...

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Many of these people in the comments are saying all the right things. It'll be difficult to make this change in your life, but I'm here if you ever need...

We're actually in pretty similar situations, though yours is for sure more urgent. If you need anything at all, don't hesitate to ask and I will see what I can...

[Reddit User] - NTA -- and also, happy early birthday. It sounds like your mother and her boyfriend are abusive. They are denying you privacy not because they have to...

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You're getting a master class in how not to treat other people. It sounds like you're on your way to living on your own soon -- I wish you well...

Having-hope3594 - NTA. This is heartbreaking to read. You have POTS and need to be cool. I sometimes wear athletic shorts and a sports bra in the summer. Hopefully you...

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Others flagged the mother and boyfriend’s actions as potentially abusive:

Delicious_Damage_772 - NTA. It may actually be considered child abuse for them to remove the door to your bedroom. I hope you have somewhere safe to go on your 18th...

mlc885 - NTA I am so sorry, you should be able to wear whatever you want in your own room, especially if it is ridiculously warm. I would consider removing...

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Zealousideal-Rub6374 - NTA I’m so sorry POTS is so hard and they are making it harder and are being abusive. Go no contact when you are able to move out.

Some provided practical resources to help her transition:

PuzzleheadedRoyal559 - If you’re literally being kicked out or moving out on Tuesday this week… 36 hours away currently… hasn’t this ship already sailed? NTA.

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Meldivian - NTA and I'm sorry you have a horrible mother and stepfather.

This 17-year-old just wanted to stay comfortable in her own room, but her mother and her mother’s boyfriend turned it into a heated dispute. The lack of a bedroom door and their harsh criticism reveal a home environment short on respect and support, especially with her looming eviction at 18.

Her story raises big questions about a teen’s right to privacy in their own home. Should she keep standing up for herself in this situation? How can she safely navigate leaving this toxic environment? What would you do in her shoes?

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  1. NTA. At 17 I was also forced to move and equally didn’t have a door after my dad knocked it down with a sledgehammer after I barricaded it in protest to my lack of privacy. This along with continuous name calling and bullying behaviour led to lifelong mental health issues and psychological trauma. My gf also has POTS and I know the importance of staying cool. I would get out ASAP and never look back. You don’t need that toxicity in your life.