AITA for telling my brother to listen to his kids instead of tying to make things to work?

A woman advises her brother to accept that his three older children want nothing to do with his new wife or his half-siblings. Seven years after the divorce, he has pursued therapy, trips, and emotional bonding—but now his two teenagers are completely estranged from him, and his youngest only visits by court order and ignores everyone else.

What complicates the story is the children’s adamant stance: they view the stepfamily as fake and refuse any relationship with their father that includes his new life. He calls her advice “giving up”; she calls it listening.

‘AITA for telling my brother to listen to his kids instead of tying to make things to work?’

The divorce split the family; remarriage widened the chasm.

The older kids drew a hard line from day one.

He chased; they vanished—then he vented to his sister.

Parental persistence cannot override children’s autonomy once boundaries have been clearly defined. Older children have made their positions clear; continued pursuit risks teaching younger children that rejection is normal. The father’s efforts are admirable, but forcing connection breeds resentment, not reconciliation.

Some insist that parents never give up, for fear of being labeled abandoners. However, pursuing adults (or near-adults) who have chosen to distance themselves violates their autonomy. Psychotherapy fails because engagement is coordinated, not chosen. Respecting a “no” opens the door to the future.

Socially, the success of a harmonious family depends on voluntary consent, not obligation. Family therapist John Gottman, PhD, notes, “Forcing relationships creates emotional disconnection; backing off while remaining available helps prevent permanent alienation” (source: “The Relationship Cure,” Gottman, 2001). The older sibling must change: spend time alone with each older child, without the stepfamily’s agenda, or risk losing all access when the youngest child leaves foster care.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Many users back the sister, urging the brother to respect the kids’ explicit rejection.

A few see both sides or blame the kids while agreeing pursuit is futile.

Two quips keep it real without cruelty.

The sister spoke truth: the older kids drew a boundary; dad must stop trespassing or lose them forever. Individual outreach without the stepfamily agenda is the only path left. The younger children deserve a father fully present, not perpetually grieving ghosts.

When adult kids reject a parent’s new family, do you keep the door open or close it gently? Have you seen forced blending backfire into total cutoff?