AITA for being mad at my girlfriend for asking me if I’m gay again?

A straight man who has been dating a bisexual woman for five months is constantly asked the same question: “Are you gay?” It started with initial concerns in the bedroom, escalated when she told a friend, and now she’s even digging into his porn history. He’s told her — calmly, clearly, multiple times — that he’s straight. Today, she asked again. He finally lost it. Now he’s wondering if he’s an idiot for getting angry.

The online community didn’t hesitate: he wasn’t. This was no longer suspicion disguised as concern. Social media users denounced the double standards, the invasion of privacy, and the tiresome cycle of having to “prove” one’s sexuality to one’s own partner.

‘AITA for being mad at my girlfriend for asking me if I’m gay again?’

The relationship kicked off with a rocky intimate moment that planted the seed of doubt.

So I’m a heterosexual male and my girlfriend is a bisexual female. Throughout my life I’ve been asked if I’m gay several times, at school, at work, to friends.

I don’t mind telling people that I’m straight, I guess I give off a vibe that I’m gay, it’s no big deal I don’t mind. Usually nobody questions it. So...

When we first started dating I got a little nervous during s__ and had trouble climaxing, hasn’t been much of an issue since then. She told one of her friends...

What began as a single question turned into a pattern of doubt and boundary-crossing.

Well since then she’s questioned me several times about it. Once she even searched through my porn history to confirm that I’m not watching gay porn.

Today’s question finally pushed him over the edge, tired of defending the obvious.

Well it’s been couple months and today she asked me again if I was gay and told me that if I was then she’d want to know. I got pretty...

I understand homosexual people have a lot of challenges coming out, but I feel like I have to defend my sexuality to my girlfriend and it’s frustrating that I’m not...

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I understand this has happened to LGBTQ+ people in the past but that seems like something we should be past by now, especially considering my girlfriend is bi. So AITA...

The issue is respect. Constantly being questioned about a partner’s stated identity after a clear answer is given erodes trust. Searching for porn? A blatant invasion of privacy. Add to that the irony of a bisexual woman refusing to accept a straight man’s truth, and the hypocrisy becomes even more painful.

Moreover, initial sexual difficulties are normal—anxiety, new partners, pressure. Exploiting an awkward moment to stir up lingering doubt turns intimacy into interrogation. Indeed, no one should have to “prove” their sexuality with their browsing history or repeated oaths.

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Relationship therapist Esther Perel warns in her 2021 podcast: “Doubt can be a gateway to deeper connection—but only if it leads to curiosity, not accusation.” Here, it becomes controlling.

Repairing requires a serious conversation: “I told you I’m straight. I need you to believe me. If you don’t, we have bigger problems.” Set boundaries—another question equals a breakup conversation. If she’s fantasizing, repressing, or looking for a way out, she needs to be the one to address it, not him.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The community rallied hard behind the guy, calling the repeated questioning disrespectful and invasive.

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highesthouse − NTA I think after being told multiple times that you’re absolutely straight, she should be taking the hint that you’re either straight or you don’t intend on coming...

Brunddisa − NTA kinda sounds like she wants you to be gay as a way out? Might be a good idea to sit down and find out why she keeps...

Deadly9750 − NTA. I only think your GF is the AH here because she is persistent in asking you when you cannot possibly be more clear in your answer.

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I honestly have the same problem people ask me if I am because of how I look and how my voice sounds (that's what I've been told). It is what...

justanotherskullkid − NTA! I’m also a bisexual female, and I would NEVER ask someone if they may be gay, certainly not my partner (whos male). No one should prove their...

Also sounds like it’s not a good relationship if she’s constantly asking you if you’re something you’re not, which you have already confirmed. She’s being very rude and disrespectful and...

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A few urged him to stand firm and consider walking away.

Minavi76 − Tbh OP, I think at this point you need to be firm with her. Sit her down and tell her point blank that this isn't funny anymore, that...

Point out that if this was the other way around and you kept asking her if she's sure she bi, and then searched her internet history, I'm sure she would...

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If she doesn't trust you then you don't have a relationship. P. s. just to throw it out there, but does she have a thing for bi guys? Is she...

cognitivexdissonance − NTA she’s insecure

b3n020295 − NTA - Tell her she’s dense af because you wouldn’t have a girlfriend if you were gay. Sometimes people need to be told they’re idiots.

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Some zeroed in on the privacy breach and bigger red flags.

[Reddit User] − You are not. INFO on this part: \ Once she even searched through my porn history to confirm that I’m not watching gay porn. Did you offer...

In the latter case, she is the major a__hole no matter what the rest of this. ​ (BTW, has the thought struck you that she might have a s__ual fantasy...

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runostog − NTA. Frankly after looking through your post history, I'm a little impressed your still putting up with this girl. I don't' mean to be n__ty but she sounds...

are you gay" ​ What the f__k is her problem? If she thinks your gay then wtf is she doing being jealous of other girls? And if she thinks your...

Otherwise_Window − NTA. Definitely her. You might be a little camp or something, but. .. that doesn't make you gay? Like, you're probably less camp than Hal Cruttenden, but he's...

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At the end of the day, he said he’s straight—multiple times. Believing your partner shouldn’t require evidence, audits, or endless cross-examinations. If she can’t accept his truth, the relationship can’t survive on suspicion alone.

Would you stay with someone who wouldn’t take your “I’m straight” at face value?

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