AITA for not visiting my dad and brother in the hospital after they were in a serious accident?

How do you face a family crisis when your own cries for support were ignored? A 19-year-old man wrestled with this question when his dad and older brother were hospitalized after a severe accident. As a child, he endured countless hospital stays for chronic heart and kidney issues, often alone, with his family rarely visiting. Their absence left deep emotional wounds, making their expectation for his presence now feel like a double standard.

This conflict unearths the lasting pain of neglect and the struggle to set boundaries. Was his choice to stay away justified, or did he miss a chance to mend old hurts? The story challenges readers to weigh loyalty against self-protection in family ties.

‘AITA for not visiting my dad and brother in the hospital after they were in a serious accident?’

His family’s lack of support left lasting scars.

Once I was admitted to the hospital I would rarely see anyone from my family while I was there. One of my parents would come for the doctors rounds but...

My visitors were mostly my lifelong best friend turned boyfriend and his family. They visited me almost every day. Sometimes it was just his parents coming to visit me if...

But they always made sure to call once I had a cell phone and stuff. I saw them significantly more than my own parents and my own siblings.

Even when I was really sick one time and they weren't sure if I could recover I didn't get a parent staying with me. It was something that a hospital...

The neglect continued, leading to a major life change.

And when I was discharged from the hospital and I'd say how much it hurt to not have anyone there from my family I got brushed off and my siblings...

My parents said they had more than me to worry about and part of being sick was having to grow up fast and accept I wasn't the center of their...

In general my family treated me like a burden and took their resentments about my health out on me. Just after I turned 17 my parents gave me the aokay...

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What prompted this was I had a surgery and my boyfriend and his parents stayed the whole time while my parents left. My boyfriend's parents then asked my parents about...

Years later, a family crisis tested his resolve.

I have been practically no contact with my family since. That was until the accident my dad and older brother were in. They were in surgery for many hours and...

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I didn't visit them and didn't really answer calls from my family. I muted them for a while. I'm considering blocking them now. But it just didn't sit right to...

By not going I set them all off to be pissed that I wouldn't go and how I expected them to visit me for all those years and yet I...

It pissed me off that they'd bring up a kid wanting his family to visit him in the hospital and compared it to two grown men expecting the now grown...

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The thing is I know it was serious. It was even in the local news. And I just don't know if I did right or wrong really. Because a part...

The conflict centers on a young man’s choice not to visit his father and brother in the hospital, rooted in years of feeling neglected during his own medical crises. His family’s absence during his childhood hospitalizations left deep emotional scars, fostering resentment. Their expectation of his support now feels hypocritical, escalating tensions.

The young man’s decision reflects a need to protect his emotional well-being, shaped by past trauma. His family’s dismissive attitude likely stemmed from stress or denial, but their failure to acknowledge his pain deepened the rift. Communication broke down when they deflected responsibility.

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Psychologist Dr. Bessel van der Kolk notes that “trauma is not just an event, but the way it shapes our relationships” (The Body Keeps the Score, 2014). This applies here, as the man’s hospital experiences molded his distrust. His family’s current anger suggests unaddressed guilt.

To move forward, the young man could write a letter expressing his hurt, setting clear boundaries. His family should acknowledge their past neglect and apologize sincerely. Therapy could help both sides process emotions and rebuild trust, if desired.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Social media erupted with strong opinions, reflecting deep empathy for the young man’s experience. Most users rallied behind his decision, condemning his family’s past neglect while offering personal stories and advice. The discussion highlighted the emotional complexity of family obligations and past hurts.

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Many users empathized with his pain and supported his boundaries.

Araveni − NTA. Your birth family neglected you to the point where they gave up custody of you at age 17. They don’t deserve your consideration.

Unable-Chemistry-790 − You’re NTA because you’re allowed to protect yourself from people who consistently neglected and hurt you and visiting them isn’t your obligation

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PassComprehensive425 − NTA- The only reason the bio family cared is because the extended family showed up and started asking where you were. Your absence spoke volumes and they didn't...

You don't owe that family anything. They can figure it out all by themselves just like you did when you were a child. And if they were hoping for united,...

Large-Client-6024 − NTA Your family gave you the response you need to use: "I have more to worry about than dad and older brother. They aren't the center of my...

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BigConfidence1563 − NTA Fu*k them. I hope your future will be full of love and care from family you will choose 🖤

Medusa_7898 − NTA. They taught you to not see things like this as important enough to interrupt your life.

JazPrncess1 − NTA. To quote your siblings “omg why would we want to be there? ” They reaped what they sowed and now they need to swallow that bitter pill....

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laladitz − NTA. You just followed the example they set. They’re the ones who made the standards, it’s not your fault they don’t like what they taught.

A_herd_of_fluff − NTA Maybe when they start bitching at you , you should tell them that they taught you that part of being sick is growing up and realizing the...

Some users shared similar experiences, reinforcing his stance.

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AppointmentHot1099 − NTA I was born with a hip dysplasia and during one of my surgeries when I was 7, I lose too much blood. My parents were only in...

My parents refused to give their blood to help me out, my grandma wasnt a match. A nurse decided to donate. My grandma was the one who would carry me...

My grandma was the one who cared. My parents, unlike yours, made clear I was a burden and waste of space. That if it wasnt for CPS they wouldn't have...

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You're parents now want you to care because theres a good chance no one is running to their side like they did with you. Just block everyone because you have...

A few users speculated on deeper issues or offered advice.

tcrudisi − Anyone else curious if the family is h__ophobic? OP, did they begin treating you worse when they learned you were bi/gay?

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Snowybird60 − NTA, I'm a mom with grown kids, and I'm pissed off for you. First of all, they acted like they couldn't be bothered and then the minute they...

I'm guessing since you haven't been in contact with them that they didn't exactly go out of their way to stay in touch with you after you moved out.

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The fact that now they want to act like it's one big happy family is disgusting. Tell them that if you could handle being alone in the hospital. As a...

nolongerabell − I'm going to share what I see you have written. You have written a family that didn't care about you. When you're in the hospital, they didn't care...

That there tells me they only want something from you, and that's probably to help take care of them. My best advice go no contact. These people don't love you....

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They will never respect you. They will only use you. The people you're living with, those are your family. That's your mom. That's your dad and your boyfriend's your boyfriend.

Go forward, don't ever look back when you look back is when they try gripping in harder. And you don't need that burden. You deserve better.

JGalKnit − If they say anything about you not visiting, you can just say that you assumed that they wouldn't want visitors, since you learned from your experience that family...

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On another note, I can NOT imagine leaving my child alone in the hospital. Yes, I wouldn't want to lose my job, etc. , but I would have a hard...

notsoreligiousnow − NTA. Protect your peace. You’re simply matching energy and saving your time & care for those who matter.

This story reveals the lasting impact of childhood neglect on family relationships. The young man’s decision to prioritize his emotional health over visiting his family reflects the boundaries he needed to set. His family’s anger highlights their failure to acknowledge past wrongs. Healing requires accountability and mutual respect.

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Would you have visited despite the past, or stood firm like he did? How do you navigate family expectations when trust has been broken?

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