AITA for telling a girl that I would never date her because she’s a single mother?

What happens when honesty in a relationship comes too late? A man in his 30s faced this question after telling a woman he casually dated that he’d never commit to her because she’s a single mother. Their friends-with-benefits arrangement seemed clear, but her question about their future led to a heated argument. He stood by his rule: no serious relationships with women who have children from other men.

This story explores the boundaries of personal preferences and communication. The man’s blunt honesty shocked the woman, who felt their connection deserved more. His stance raises questions about fairness and transparency in casual relationships. The fallout left him wondering if his approach was too harsh. How do you balance personal boundaries with sensitivity toward others’ feelings? This tale examines the delicate line between honesty and tact in modern dating.

‘AITA for telling a girl that I would never date her because she’s a single mother?’

The story begins with a man’s personal dating rule.

I can't speak for every man in the world but to me, I would never consider a serious relationship with a woman who has kids with another man.

With that being said, I've been casually seeing this woman (31F) who has a 5-year old. It's been casual s__ between us, I've met her son a few times but...

I thought we had an understanding of our casual FWB arrangement as we discussed it when we started seeing each other but yesterday, she came over to my place and...

The conversation turned serious unexpectedly.

I asked her what she meant and she asked me about how I view my future with her. I begrudgingly told her that I don't see a future with her.

She asked me why since we get along really well. I tried to avoid the topic for a bit but she kept pestering me and I finally told her that...

My future partner is only going to have MY children, no-one else's. That's just my personal rule. I know people who have kids with 5 different people, to each their...

The discussion escalated into a confrontation.

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She looked all shocked and asked me if I was being serious. I said I'm being completely serious, I would never consider a serious relationship with you, that's why we...

If you didn't have a child with another man, I would've definitely considered it but it is what it is. She said that her having a child shouldn't matter in...

I argued that a child, especially a 5-year old is a massive commitment, one that I want no part of. We ended up having a huge fight, she started crying...

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This situation reveals a clash between personal boundaries and emotional expectations. The man set a firm rule against dating single mothers, but his casual relationship with one led to misunderstanding. His blunt delivery, after avoiding the topic, caused hurt. The woman likely developed feelings, assuming their connection could grow.

Personal preferences in dating are valid. The man’s stance on not wanting to raise another’s child reflects his life goals. However, engaging in a friends-with-benefits arrangement without clear, ongoing communication risked emotional fallout. The woman’s expectation of a future suggests she wasn’t fully aware of his boundaries. Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman states, “Clear communication is the foundation of healthy relationships.” — John Gottman (PhD), The Gottman Institute, 2020. This underscores the need for transparency.

The man’s hesitation to discuss his stance earlier indicates avoidance. His bluntness, when pressed, amplified the conflict. The woman’s emotional reaction reflects unmet expectations, possibly fueled by their chemistry. Both parties share responsibility for unclear boundaries. A solution involves upfront honesty. The man could have reiterated his stance early, ensuring no mixed signals. The woman might benefit from reflecting on her expectations in casual relationships. Future discussions could clarify intentions before emotions deepen.

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This scenario raises questions about balancing honesty and sensitivity. Casual relationships require clear boundaries to avoid hurt. How can people ensure mutual understanding in such arrangements? The answer depends on open, respectful communication.

Check out how the community responded:

Social media users were divided on the man’s actions. Many supported his right to set personal dating boundaries, emphasizing individual preferences.

ocean_deep1980 − If you were clear from the beginning then NTA. Everyone is allowed to preferences

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Consistent-Comb8043 − NTA. I would never date a man with children. I have no desire to help raise one or be around them so I'm always very clear about that....

Others criticized his execution. They argued he misled the woman:

BookMonkeyDude − Casual is fine, and you're allowed to set whatever parameters for life partners you want. . but human nature is what it is.

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After about the second 'casual' h__kup there should have been a more serious conversation setting firm boundaries to make sure no feelings get hurt, you did not do that. That's...

Diasies_inMyHair − You are entitled to your boundaries, of course, but unless you clearly and explicitly stated at the outset that this a friends with benefits situation and it will...

Because what you described looks suspiciously like "dating. " You shouldn't have been less blunt, you have been very blunt - at the start of the relationship.

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JuliaX1984 − NTA for the policy, YTA for the execution. "No dating single parents" means "No dating single parents" - trying to split hairs over "casually" and "FWB" is trying...

Charwyn − YTA. I have a very strong suspicion that you were not transparent enough in the beginning about where you stand, because rarely anybody would f__k a guy with...

So based on how honest you are with us and yourself, NTA or YTA. Preference is fine. Stringing people along with lies by omission - is not. Edit: Judging by...

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Your wishy-washy “I’m not ready for a serious relationship” is a lame cop-out. Most likely she wouldn’t go casual with you if you were honest. But you lied by omission...

Cloudinthesilver − YTA - you’ve basically said you’ll use single mothers for s__ only to flip it on its head. Why don’t you just date someone else? There’s always a...

To then be like “but I said…” when in all FWB people usually give out more intimacy than they’re willing to commit too. You’ve been callous with her regardless of...

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peeeeeg − YTA. Good enough to f__k but not good enough to date, good lord.

Some raised ethical concerns. They urged avoiding single mothers entirely:

heckinhoneybadgerr − Imagine if she accidentally got pregnant by you. You’d then be breaking your own code. Like others have said, leave single mothers alone.

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[Reddit User] − You can’t have it both ways. The bill always comes due. It’s good you don’t want to date a single mother but you can’t go around sleeping...

lianavan − You do know this could have been avoided by talking. Have your views. You be you. Just leave single moms alone. They deal with enough dicks already.

FairyFartDaydreams − YTA you should not be interacting with women with children if this is your attitude. No FWB, no talking, not nothing.

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Accidents can happen no BC is 100% you might end up knocking up one of these women and with your outlook you would probably treat the kids like s__t because...

A few questioned mutual understanding. They highlighted communication failures:

celticmusebooks − I begrudgingly told her that I don't see a future with her. She asked me why since we get along really well. I tried to avoid the topic...

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YTA -- not for your stance on being the alpha dog-- that's kind ofcreepy but just being creepy doesn't make you an AH. Why YTA is that you used her...

PRO TIP: NO method of birth control is 100% effective-- seriously not one except, obviously, abstinence. Every time you have s__ you are potentially "creating" a single mom. PRO TIP...

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angryomlette − NTA for having a preference. It's just just your opinion on life. As for the "begrudging told her" part I believe the entire relationship was based on misunderstanding...

BananaStandBaller − Why are you “casually” seeing her if you aren’t interested? Can’t find a woman without kids who will sleep with you? This feels stupid all around.

This story underscores the importance of clear communication in relationships. The man’s preference against dating single mothers is personal, but his lack of transparency led to hurt. His blunt delivery, after avoiding the topic, escalated the conflict. The woman’s emotional reaction suggests she hoped for more, highlighting a misunderstanding.

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Honest discussions early on could have prevented this fallout. Setting boundaries is crucial, but so is respecting others’ feelings. The lesson lies in balancing personal rules with empathy. How can people ensure clarity in casual relationships? What steps can prevent hurt when boundaries differ? Share your thoughts below!

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