AITAH for not telling the baby’s father I’m pregnant & will be giving them up for adoption?

Ever faced a choice where your safety clashes with legal obligations? A young woman discovered she’s pregnant from a toxic past relationship. She chose adoption for the child’s future. Telling the abusive ex feels impossible. Her dilemma sparked urgent questions.

Personal trauma often shapes tough decisions. This story dives into the fear of re-entering harm’s way. Readers will sense her isolation and resolve. It’s a call to prioritize protection amid uncertainty.

‘AITAH for not telling the baby’s father I’m pregnant & will be giving them up for adoption?’

The story opens with a difficult personal choice.

Hi y’all, I’m sorry for posting here. I genuinely need you guys’ opinion and will accept whatever verdict you give me. I’m pregnant. I decided I was going to give...

Her family stands by her, unlike her ex.

My family knows. The father doesn’t though, and I don’t want to tell him. He wasn’t a kind person when we were dating. (I don’t wanna get into it too...

She worries about his reaction and her own ethics.

I feel like if I tell him, he’ll use it in a way to keep me close. But maybe I’m being too selfish…? I don’t know. I figured if I...

She addresses concerns and plans next steps.

(Last) Edit 3: (I removed the other two to keep stuff organised.) Thank you everyone who took the time to reply. This post got a lot more attention than I...

But the main one is to contact an attorney so I’ll try to do that and take it from there. Thanks for all the advice. Just some things I wanted...

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Just meant I needed advice & would keep an open mind. He did use protection, s__t just happens I guess. No, I can’t contact his parents because he’s a lot...

Please don’t send me messages saying I’m a horrible person. I’m not not telling him about the baby just because I want to punish him or something. I genuinely don’t...

A young woman plans adoption without informing her abusive ex. Her fear stems from past control. Legal hurdles loom large. This case blends safety and rights. Adoption laws vary by state. Most require notifying the father if known. Lying risks reversal later. Agencies seek consent to avoid challenges. Her plan to claim ignorance could backfire.

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Safety is paramount here. Abuse history justifies caution. Courts may waive consent with evidence of harm. She needs protection from retaliation. Attorney Laura Wasser advises on parental rights:”Transparency protects everyone long-term.” — Laura Wasser (family law attorney), Time Magazine, 2020.

Social workers guide these processes. They handle notifications safely. Options include closed adoptions for no contact. Resources exist for abuse survivors. Her edit shows openness to advice. Consulting experts early is wise. Weighing emotional toll matters too. This situation forces reflection on autonomy and child welfare.

See what others had to share with OP:

Social media responses mixed empathy with warnings. Users urged legal steps while validating her fears.Many stressed consulting professionals to navigate laws safely.

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annang − You need a lawyer. For an adoption, you’re going to be asked who the father is, because a child can’t be given up for adoption without both biological...

What specifically are they going to ask you in order to try to find the father? (And the adoption agency will want to find him, because not trying his consent...

Are there publication requirements? Will you be asked to name everyone it possibly could be? Will they ask no follow up questions and risk a legal battle over your child...

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You also need to know whether there are ramifications for you if you lie and say you don’t know: can you get in trouble, and if so, what kind of...

And you need to know what happens if he finds out you’re pregnant before the adoption goes through, so you can make plans if he blocks the adoption.

And finally, you need to know what happens if he finds out after the adoption, what rights he would have to reverse the adoption, what would happen next if he...

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and whether anything would happen to you for keeping it from him. You may also have other options as a victim of physical abuse—and I know you prefer not to...

that might be better than what you’re planning to do now. The answers to these questions vary among jurisdictions, so you really need to talk to a lawyer now to...

crazymastiff − NTA but in many states you need the father to sign off on adoption paperwork. In some states, the court has to prove that they have diligently searched...

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The best thing to do is be honest. Tell them that you were in a very toxic relationship and you wish not to be contacted by the father. A social...

Now, I’m some states if you can prove that the relationship was toxic/dangerous, then a judge will rule that you don’t need that father’s signature. Don’t lie that you don’t...

Get in touch with a social worker now Use a county or state agency. Private ones sometimes don’t do things legally and it can come back to bite you in...

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soaper410 − In many states (I assume all of them) The adoption can and would have be overturned later if he finds out. The US Supreme Court has held many...

[Reddit User] − You need to consult a lawyer. If he doesn’t know about it now and finds out later he can contest the adoption.

WatermelonRindPickle − Do not tell him directly, do not tell him yourself. Do not let him know you are pregnant. Consult with an adoption agency or a counselor or an...

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If you have a confidential counselor, Find out if where you live has any laws regarding this. If he must be notified, a third party like an attorney can notify...

pinekneedle − When I worked with adoptions, we needed the father’s consent to free the child legally for adoption. I have no idea of what the laws are now but...

MissionOk9637 − This one is tough you are NTA for wanting to break all contact with your abuser. However in most states you are legally required to notify the father...

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You could lie and say you don’t know, but if it’s ever found out later that you did know, you could be jeopardizing the legality of the adoption and open...

which would cause a serious amount of upheaval for your child and their adoptive family. My advice would be to talk to a lawyer about your options and the risks...

Others focused on her well-being and praised her courage.

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One_Task_4241 − If it was abusive, then I think it’s fine not to say anything. Getting yourself safe is important, your survival, is the most important. Keeping the baby is...

You are doing what’s right for a new life. The baby deserves a good life. It’s a tough situation all around. There are no easy answers, except for your safety...

If there is contact & he is the type to “love bomb” you, consider the pregnancy hormones and don’t get drawn in. Talk to a counselor instead. Edit: NTA just...

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Afraid_Cream2514 − If this is a safety concern, you are never an ah for doing what you feel is right to protect everyone involved.

CinnamonBlue − NTA. I call BS on the sperm donor having a ‘right’ to know, particularly when there’s abuse. I wish more women would keep quiet and not tell, but...

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[Reddit User] − “Just because I brought that out in him, doesn’t mean others will” You did not cause his behavior. You did not cause him to abuse you. You...

The way he treated you is not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. You need to talk this over with a therapist....

And you need to stop listening to all the internet “lawyers” here and schedule a consult with an attorney that practices SPECIFICALLY family law. Many will offer a free consultation,...

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But until you have some legal advice and speak with a therapist that helps you regain some control over your situation, I’d keep yourself and your baby (born or not)...

A few warned of risks or questioned motives.

[Reddit User] − Just because I brought that out in him, doesn’t mean others will, I guess. He’s not a horrible person. This is not passing the vibe test. I...

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Remarkable-Candle481 − Abusive: NTA, your protecting your child Not abusive: YTA, your just bring selfish

[Reddit User] − I'm not going to judge you. But you should tell him. I know a family who recently lost custody of an adopt a child. The adoption was...

And contested the adoption. Your potentially setting another family up for heartbreak and losing a child that they have bonded with. If the father finds out and wants custody.

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This narrative underscores the courage in choosing adoption amid fear. Her instinct to protect herself is valid. Legal guidance ensures a secure path forward. Abuse survivors deserve resources and compassion. The community’s input highlights shared struggles. What resources have helped you through unexpected life changes?

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