WIBTAH if I tell my boyfriend I’m done paying for everything?

Have you ever felt the weight of financial responsibility in a relationship tipping entirely to one side. Many people experience this imbalance. It creates tension over time. This woman’s story reveals the strain of always paying. She supports herself fully. Her boyfriend contributes little. He spends his money quickly. She questions her role.

The couple met young. They dated after a year. Background details show her independence. She manages bills alone. He lives with family. Weekend visits highlight the issue. She covers costs like food and rides. Gifts from him feel extravagant. Changes seem temporary. She sets savings goals for him. Progress stalls. Emotions run high. Guilt mixes with resentment.

‘WIBTAH if I tell my boyfriend I’m done paying for everything?’

The story begins with the woman’s original dilemma shared on social media.

For starters I(20f) and my boyfriend (21m) don't live together. We met when I was 19 and he was 20, and didn't start dating till almost a year later. Two...

One: I have always made more than he has. I have been fully independent from my parents since I was 18. I rent my own apartment(tiny studio by myself), own...

I also pay for my own food, transportation, insurance, and phone. My car has broken down twice as it's a pretty old vehicle, and I have to pay to fix...

I did 65 hrs a week at one fast food job, then moved to 45 for a second fast food job with a second job working 12 hrs a week....

Two: We don't live together or have any sort of joint finances. As I said, I live alone, he still lives with his mom. (His father unfortunately passed away 2...

Now he's there doing about 60-65 hours a week. He spends the weekend at my place Friday night to Sunday afternoon. He does pay his mom rent for his room...

Whenever we hang out, I'm expected to pay for everything. He spends every paycheck within almost a week of getting it. I've tried my best to discourage these habits as...

I told him once that I feel like I'm being used as an atm because of his crap spending habits. His behavior changed, but only for a short while. I...

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I've tried to gently hint that I want him to stop buying me things and just save his money, but he brushes it off. I tend to do more simple...

We have talked about moving in together and I keep telling him that when he learns to manage his money and save it, that's when I'll consider living with him.

The issue is we've been talking about moving in together for several months, and nothing has changed, and I feel like he really doesn't want to make the effort to...

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It's not an unreasonable goal. He said ok, but nothing has changed. To give a more general understanding of what I pay for, for the both of us: food(uber, made,...

Drinks. Gas for my own car to drive him places. Venmoing him 50-100 dollars when he really needs money. Activities Basically almost anything I'm expected to pay for it.

I try not to let it bother me, but because I have bills and rent to pay for by myself, sustaining this type of spending has made money super tight...

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He does pay, sometimes but that's pretty rare. I want to know if I'm the bad guy if I bring this up. I feel horrible because he is the sweetest...

Generally our communication is pretty strong and I can talk to him about anything, but I'm really afraid of hurting his feelings over this. I am a bit of a...

I try to see it as he does super elaborate gifts and helps out around my appartment now and then with laundry, sweeping, and my dog, in return I pay...

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I'm sorry this is so long. Thank you to everyone who read this. It's been on my mind for a long time and I'm not sure what to do now....

She later shared an initial update after receiving feedback.

UPDATE: Thank you everyone for the critiques and kind comments. I've read everything you guys have sent in, and tried to reply to as many questions as I could. I...

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Usually, in my family and relationships/friendships, I've had to be the one who always gave up what I wanted, which has led to me not pushing my opinions or thoughts...

I did "fight" him over this a little as I have always been pretty independent and wanted to split the bills from the beginning. Anyways- I talked to him and...

I'll be writing a letter for him tonight, and I'll give it to him tomorrow. I'll do my best to update tomorrow, and put in the letter if yall are...

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Finally, she posted her concluding thoughts.

UPDATE: This will probably be my final update. Thank you to everyone who reached out and offered support and advice. I have read all the comments and responded to as...

I wrote my boyfriend a 2 page letter using your comments as inspiration and told him that I am cutting off all financial support. If he wants to come over,...

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He didn't react at all to the letter just read it a couple times, then sat quietly. We talked for a few minutes, then dropped it. I continued to ask...

I know this is disappointing for a lot of you, but I do believe he is an overall good person. If there is no change I will be giving him...

UPDATE: This will probably be my final update. Thank you to everyone who reached out and offered support and advice. I have read all the comments and responded to as...

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I wrote my boyfriend a 2 page letter using your comments as inspiration and told him that I am cutting off all financial support. If he wants to come over,...

He didn't react at all to the letter just read it a couple times, then sat quietly. We talked for a few minutes, then dropped it. I continued to ask...

I know this is disappointing for a lot of you, but I do believe he is an overall good person. If there is no change I will be giving him...

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The woman faces a common relationship challenge. She handles all finances alone. Her boyfriend shows poor money management. This creates stress for her. She risks her stability. He offers emotional support sometimes. Gifts mask the issue. Boundaries remain unclear.

Experts note financial differences strain partnerships. Opposing views exist. Some see it as incompatibility. Others view it as fixable with effort. Society often expects equal contributions. Gender roles can influence expectations. Women sometimes bear more burden. “Often money is a symbol of something else. That might be a symptom of trust issues in the relationship.” — Kathleen Burns Kingsbury (Wealth Psychology Expert), CNBC, 2017.

Practical steps include open talks. Set clear budgets together. Track spending weekly. Seek counseling if needed. Teach basic finance skills. Stop enabling bad habits immediately. This builds responsibility.

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The twist is his minimal reaction to change. Socially, young adults learn independence slowly. Family background affects habits. Patience has limits. Relationships thrive on balance. This situation forces us to reflect on personal values. In the end, the answer depends on mutual growth.

Check out how the community responded:

The community overwhelmingly supported the woman, agreeing she is not the asshole and advising her to set firm boundaries.

Grandpas_Spells − His rides to and from my place You know that's wrong. You are being treated like an ATM who has to pay for the privilege of spending time...

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This is an overused trope, but the man-child who goes from one woman taking care of him to the next is really similar to what you describe. He's a sweetie,...

LibraryMouse4321 − Stop paying for things. Just stop. If he wants to go out to eat, ask who is paying. If he is paying or you are splitting the bill,...

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If he wants you to give him money for something he needs or wants, ask him what happened to his money. If it’s gone, tell him to wait till his...

Safe_Ad_7777 − Whether it's deliberately or obliviously, your BF is taking advantage of you. You're risking eviction to pay for his meals out and Ubers? ?? Stop that, right now.

You have bills to pay, he doesn't. It's not your problem when he's out of money. Put aside a small amount of "fun money" that you're prepared to spend on...

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RealisticSoul − First of all, awesome job on handling your business young lady! ! Secondly, don't feel bad for standing up for yourself. You sound like you got your priorities...

He will continue to be a burden. Two people have to be 50/50 in a relationship.Financially, physically, and mentally. This is the same advice I give my 3 daughters. Good...

Youhavetomattertome − He is NOT going to change if you continue to pay his share and Venmo money to him. He’s probably been babied his whole life and never really...

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Now, you’re doing the same. Sit him down and flat out ask him does he know how to budget money. If no, ask him if you can teach him. If...

Tell him you’re not driving; you’re not ordering a car. Wants to go out. You pay for you and only you. He needs $50-$100? Nope. He can ask mommy. You...

unaskedtabitha − This is not adult behavior, and it won’t change until he has a reason to change, and unfortunately he doesn’t see you as a good enough reason…

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Don’t let him waste your money and time anymore, because it will not get better, it will only get worse. You get pregnant or sick, he won’t step up to...

katepig123 − You're just enabling his bad behavior.

junegemini808 − You're risking being homeless for THIS GUY! ! Stop it! Stop paying for his rides, stop picking him up, split meal costs. He's behaving like a child, you...

You cannot afford to support him. Think if the money you could have saved is you weren't taking care of him. What happens when your car breaks down again?

DallyDell − Girl! !! was in your situation and almost married the damn fool. He also lived with his mom. I remember telling him that I would like to own...

I stayed with him for waaaaaay too long, I was an i__ot, because of the same guilt that you describe and not wanting to hurt his feelings… of which he...

You are legend for having the conversations, standing your ground, and looking for advice! But it is clear that he is using you. People don’t change, only circumstances.

ActiveHope3711 − You have already set boundaries and given him lots of chances. He didn’t rise to the occasion, and he won’t. Don’t move in together.

smarmy-marmoset − You’re a sugar mama.

keepthecrazyquiet − Maya Angelou once said… "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. " Your boyfriend has shown you who he is. Believe him.

_gadget_girl − A partner with poor money management skills is not someone you want to partner with permanently.

throwaway_72752 − Stop paying for anything for him. See how sweet he is then. He’s using you.

roman1969 − You’ll figure out at some stage b__lshit from sincerity. There is nothing “sweet” about a guy who allows his girlfriend to go into financial strife because he’s unwilling...

All the “sweet” words and occasional grand gestures don’t mean s__t if allows you to worry about next months rent because he’s down a few hundred and needs you to...

How “sweet” will this guy be if you’re on the streets and destitute? He either gets himself together or you find someone who is, and believe me you will. Don’t...

The majority opinion highlights the need to stop financial support and recognize the imbalance, with no opposing views presented.

Financial habits shape relationship dynamics. Enabling poor money management leads to resentment. Clear boundaries foster equality.Would you continue the relationship or set stricter timelines for change?

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