AITA for not donating to my sister’s fundraiser?

A middle school teacher faces a tough call: keep donating to her sisters’ annual fundraiser or redirect her money to something more meaningful for their mom. This isn’t just about cash—it’s about feeling valued in a family. The tension kicked off when her sisters demanded she donate to their separate fundraising pages, yet they didn’t lift a finger to support her own efforts to fund books for her students.

What makes this sting even more is their dismissive attitude toward her job. Comments like “that’s what you signed up for” left her feeling unappreciated. Her story unfolds as a quest for balance between family duty and personal respect, raising a question: does family loyalty mean sacrificing your own sense of worth?

‘AITA for not donating to my sister’s fundraiser?’

Every year, the teacher’s two sisters rally funds for a disease affecting their mother, culminating in a charity walk.

Every year 2 of my sisters raise money for a disease that effects our mother. They raise money and then do a walk. Every year I donate to them. Last...

This happened after they told me I had to donate to both, because I was originally planning on just donating to the main account as they’re on a team. Whatever....

Teaching reading at a middle school without a library, she launched a fundraiser to buy books for her students.

This August I had set up a teacher’s donors choose to get books for my students. My school does not have a library and I teach middle school reading.

I did tell them the link was on my account if they wanted to donate (I had a goal of $300 I believe, their goals are always $750 each). Neither...

Her sisters’ lack of support, paired with their belittling remarks about her job, left her questioning her obligation to donate.

I know that sounds petty to not donate because of this, but they have consistently belittled my job. If I were to talk about lack of funding or teacher stress,...

I feel an extreme lack of support from them and I just don’t feel like I should have to donate to them again out of obligation. I’d rather spend that...

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She chose to spend time and money on her mom directly and support her youngest sister’s fundraising efforts.

Update: I just want to say thank you for all your support. When I did my classroom library fundraiser, even though I didn’t get monetary donations I did get a...

update: I asked my mom if she wanted to go out to lunch and shopping the day of the walk (since she doesn’t go with my sisters because it’s physically...

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Additionally, I just found out my kid sister (10) will be walking with the 2 others (22 & 29) and set up a fundraising account! I know where my money...

This story highlights a timeless question: how do you balance family obligations with personal respect? The teacher feels hurt by her sisters’ lack of support for her work, despite her consistent contributions to their cause. Their dismissive attitude toward her profession underscores a broader issue: teaching, a vital role, is often undervalued, even by those closest to us.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Mutual respect and reciprocal support are the foundation of strong relationships” (The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work). Here, the sisters’ failure to acknowledge the teacher’s efforts creates an imbalance. Their expectation of her donations while ignoring her fundraiser shows a lack of empathy.

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At the same time, her choice to redirect her money to pamper her mom is a healthy move. It sidesteps resentment and focuses on meaningful connection. Still, a direct conversation could help. Sharing her feelings openly might prompt her sisters to reflect on their actions, fostering mutual understanding.

Ultimately, this story reminds us that family ties thrive on mutual support. The teacher could keep supporting her youngest sister’s efforts while setting boundaries with the older two. This approach not only honors her values but also builds a healthier family dynamic.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The online community jumped in with a range of takes, from full support to practical tips.

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Most users agreed she’s not wrong for skipping her sisters’ fundraiser, praising her plan to focus on her mom instead.

Brain_Chop − NTA. Your sister doesn't care about your problems, you shouldn't care about hers. This may be a wake up call for her.

WallabyInTraining − NTA. And the idea to spend that money on your mother instead sounds wonderful! Maybe use it in a way in which you can spend quality time with...

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Analepisiotomy − NTA- they didn’t/don’t support you, and it’s a great idea to give the money directly to your mother. That’s supposedly why they’re doing it, right?

Or you could donate directly to the charity. They shouldn’t be angry or it might appear that they aren’t doing this for totally altruistic reasons. .. Are you still fundraising...

iwdx0 − NTA they suck for not even supporting you

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coffee_and_tv_easily − NTA support should really work both ways in my opinion and they obviously don’t want to help you with your problems. If you can help your Mum other...

GonnaBeIToldUSo − NTA. ...I have friends and family members that do fundraisers to and we have an agreement “you donate to mine I’ll donate to yours” if for some reason...

Money is tight and there is such a thing as common courtesy! Spend the money on your mom or the books you need!

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AGriffon − NTA - you happen to be in one of the most under paid, under appreciated professions in the country (I'm assuming US). The lack of teacher support/ school...

You did it because you love kids and education (no one becomes a teacher to retire wealthy). Your sisters (while helping a cause dear to them) are being brats. Take...

Some users were downright angry at the sisters’ dismissive attitude, emphasizing the importance of teaching.

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ameinias − NTA. They demand you donate $100 every year, and then don't donate to yours? And you didn't meet a $300 goal? They could have taken care of 2/3...

The people who dedicated themselves to EDUCATING THE WORLDS CHILDREN should just quit and get a better job with better resources? There are very few jobs that are more essential...

[Reddit User] − It sucks so bad that teachers are regularly doing fundraisers for their students’ school supplies. NAH let’s just tax the fucking rich.

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A few users, including former educators, offered actionable advice for sourcing books.

[Reddit User] − Former English teacher and former middle school librarian here. I'd recommend checking a couple of places for books: 1. Your local public library's book sales. 2. Half-Price...

3. If you are interested in reviewing books, you can sign up for webinars from various publishers and they'll often give info where you can get free copies of the...

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This story shows that family bonds need mutual respect to thrive. The teacher’s choice to skip her sisters’ fundraiser and instead pamper her mom and support her youngest sister reflects her commitment to meaningful connections. While family conflicts aren’t easy, her approach feels like a step toward balance.

What do you think of her decision? If you were in her shoes, would you keep donating or try talking things out with the sisters? Share your thoughts!

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One Comment

  1. NTA–Your sisters are caught up in their efforts and don’t see the bigger picture. We all have different goals, and we all think we know best how to contribute to make the world a different place. You march ‘to a different drummer.’ You may not be appreciated for all the good you do, but your have to balance your student’s needs with your family’s needs.

    Try to stay gracious and upbeat. Sister relationships are complicated!