I think My 30M girlfriend 45 F is my personal assistant now

Imagine waking up to a to-do list longer than a CVS receipt, your clothes laid out like you’re five, and your girlfriend fluffing the bed while you’re still in it—all while she’s jobless and you’re the breadwinner. That’s the wild ride our 30-year-old redditor’s on, two years after swiping right on Tinder and letting his 45-year-old girlfriend move in. What started as “cute” is now a full-on personal assistant gig—minus the paycheck.

This AITA tale’s a rollercoaster of boundaries, sticky notes, and a guy wondering if he’s got a partner or a live-in life coach. She’s unsubscribing his emails and scheduling his stretches, but cooking and cleaning? Not on her radar. He’s ready to reclaim his autonomy—cue the showdown. Let’s dive into this domestic drama with a side of tough love.

‘ I think My 30M girlfriend 45 F is my personal assistant now’

When a partner turns into a micromanager, it’s a red flag parade. “Relationships thrive on balance, not control,” says Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, in a Greater Good Magazine piece. “One-sided dynamics—like one person playing assistant while dodging their own responsibilities—breed resentment.” Our guy’s not wrong to feel smothered; she’s organizing his life while hers stalls.

She’s jobless, 45, and leaning hard into “helpful” mode—maybe to justify her free ride. He’s no CEO, just a work-from-home salesman, yet she’s treating him like he needs a handler. The age gap (15 years!) and her instant move-in scream opportunism to Redditors, and stats back it: a Pew Research study shows 30% of cohabitating adults face unequal financial contributions, often sparking tension.

Dr. Gottman’s fix? “Set clear boundaries and mutual goals.” He should lay it out: “I need a partner, not a PA—get a job or we rethink this.” A 30-day deadline could light the fire she needs. Readers, how do you untangle a love knot this tight?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s got some spicy takes—here’s the rundown:

“Leech alert!” one shouts, while another snarks, “She’s your new mommy!” The crowd’s urging an eviction notice with a side of tough love. Are these armchair critics onto something, or just reveling in the mess? You be the judge.

So, our guy’s donning his sheriff hat, ready to boot the sticky-note tyrant from his kingdom. She’s turned love into a live-in job, and he’s done being her meal ticket. Will she step up or ship out? We’re betting on a showdown worth popcorn. What’s your take? Would you give her a deadline or cut the cord now? Drop your wisdom—how do you handle a partner who’d rather plan your life than live theirs?