AITAH for deciding to cut my stepmum out of my life after how she treated us following our baby’s death?

Imagine the heartbreak of losing your child, only to have that pain compounded by the callous behavior of a family member who is supposed to offer support. Our Redditor, a 36-year-old woman, faced this unimaginable loss when her wife and she lost their daughter to stillbirth.

In the wake of such tragedy, she desperately needed compassion from her family. Instead, her stepmother—long known for being cold, calculating, and vindictive—treated her with utter insensitivity. From mocking their limited gestures of support to openly flaunting her indifference on social media, the stepmother’s actions left deep emotional scars.

When her stepmother’s behavior culminated in a cruel Facebook post at New Year, celebrating 2024 as her best year—the same year that robbed the family of their first granddaughter—our Redditor reached her breaking point. With her husband’s support, she decided she could no longer tolerate the toxicity. But is cutting her out truly justified? Read on to explore her story and decide for yourself.

‘AITAH for deciding to cut my stepmum out of my life after how she treated us following our baby’s death?’

When personal tragedy intersects with family betrayal, the emotional impact can be profound. Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, explains, “In the midst of grief, any additional hurt inflicted by those close to you can deeply disrupt the healing process.” In our Redditor’s case, the loss of her daughter was an unfathomable tragedy. Instead of offering empathy, her stepmother minimized the loss, making insensitive comments like “At least you can get pregnant,” which only compounded the pain.

Family therapists emphasize that during such vulnerable times, the need for supportive and consistent care is paramount. According to a Psychology Today article, “When grieving parents are met with callous behavior from relatives, it can lead to long-lasting emotional trauma.” The stepmother’s refusal to acknowledge the gravity of the loss—and her subsequent behavior, such as ignoring the funeral and important family milestones—reveals a pattern of neglect that leaves the family feeling abandoned and invalidated.

Moreover, communication experts stress that forgiveness is a personal journey and that imposing a “redo” of a momentous announcement can be counterproductive. “A genuine apology and a sincere effort to make amends are necessary,” says Dr. Heitler. In this scenario, the stepmother’s half-hearted attempt at reconciliation, which quickly devolved into blaming the grieving parents for the awkwardness, did little to mend the rift. Instead, it further entrenched the family’s sense of betrayal.

Sociologists also point out that public displays on social media, such as celebrating a “best year” after a tragic loss, can exacerbate familial conflicts. Such actions not only highlight a lack of empathy but also signal a deep emotional disconnect within the family unit. The expert consensus is that in situations where trust is shattered by insensitive behavior, it is not only acceptable but sometimes necessary to cut ties in order to protect one’s mental and emotional health.

For our Redditor, the decision to remove her stepmother from her life represents a boundary-setting measure—a way to reclaim control over her narrative during an otherwise devastating time. Ultimately, while some might argue that every family deserves a second chance, the overwhelming evidence suggests that when a family member consistently undermines the very fabric of support and empathy, it’s a sign that they have closed the door on meaningful reconciliation. In this light, our Redditor’s choice is a powerful, if painful, act of self-preservation.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit is buzzing with support for our poster’s decision. Many users declared, “NTA—you deserve to protect your heart after such a loss!” while others emphasized, “Your stepmum’s behavior is despicable; you have every right to cut her out.” One commenter remarked, “If she can’t offer compassion in your darkest hour, she isn’t worth having around.” The consensus is clear: when someone repeatedly causes emotional harm during times of grief, distancing yourself is not only understandable, it’s necessary.

In the end, this story isn’t just about a strained relationship—it’s about reclaiming your peace after unimaginable loss. Our Redditor’s decision to cut her stepmother out of her life is a stand for self-respect and emotional survival. While some may argue for forgiveness, the overwhelming sentiment is that toxic behavior, especially during times of grief, cannot be excused. What would you do if you were faced with similar betrayal from a loved one? Share your thoughts and join the discussion below!