AITA for considering ending my not terrible marriage because being a stepfamily just isn’t working?

I married a widower and became part of a blended family with his daughter, April, who initially seemed okay with our union. However, when I became pregnant with our son, April reacted with intense hostility—refusing to see our son as her sibling and lashing out at everyone involved.

Despite multiple attempts at therapy, her behavior hasn’t improved, and the constant conflict has made our home feel unstable. Now, I’m seriously considering ending my marriage, even though I love my husband, because I don’t see a way to repair our family dynamics.

‘AITA for considering ending my not terrible marriage because being a stepfamily just isn’t working?’

Family therapist Dr. Melissa Carter explains that blended family dynamics can be particularly challenging when unresolved emotions are involved. “When a child feels replaced or that their identity is being threatened by a new addition, intense reactions can occur—even if those reactions persist despite therapy,” she notes. Dr. Carter emphasizes that while it’s normal for children to take time adjusting to a new family structure, persistent hostility over a long period indicates deeper issues that may not be easily resolved.

Relationship expert Dr. Robert Simmons adds that the emotional well-being of all family members is paramount. “When the stress from family conflict begins to erode the foundation of your marriage and your home feels more like a battleground than a sanctuary, it’s important to address those issues head-on,” he says. He suggests that while marital counseling can help, sometimes the dynamics in a blended family reach a point where long-term stability might be compromised.

Sociologist Dr. Anita Reed points out that in stepfamilies, the competing emotional loyalties and feelings of loss can create an environment where the new baby is seen as a threat rather than an addition. “This isn’t necessarily about rejecting your new child; it’s often a manifestation of the older child’s unresolved grief and fear of being forgotten,” Dr. Reed explains.

She recommends that if all therapeutic avenues have been exhausted without any improvement, it’s valid to reconsider the long-term viability of the relationship for the sake of everyone’s mental health. Lastly, legal family mediator Vanessa Moore remarks that while ending a marriage is never an easy decision,

the safety and emotional stability of all involved—especially children—should be the priority. “When the home environment becomes a constant source of distress and conflict, it’s not only affecting the adults but can have lasting impacts on the children as well,” she stresses.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit community is divided, though many voices lean toward supporting my feelings. Some users express sympathy, noting that if April’s hostility has persisted despite numerous attempts at therapy, it’s a sign that the stepfamily dynamic isn’t healing. Comments like “NTA—if your home feels like it’s falling apart, you deserve to be happy too” resonate with those who feel that sometimes separation, even if not ideal, might be the healthiest option.

Others caution against making a hasty decision, urging me to consider the long-term implications for my son’s relationship with his older half-sibling and the possibility of future reconciliation. They suggest continued counseling and exploring alternative family arrangements, such as supervised visitation or temporary separations, before deciding on divorce. The consensus is that while my feelings are valid, this is an extremely complex situation that requires careful consideration of everyone’s emotional and practical needs.

In summary, my feelings of frustration and the thought of ending my marriage stem from ongoing, unresolved conflicts in our blended family that have left our home feeling unstable. The persistent hostility from my stepdaughter, despite extensive therapeutic efforts, has deeply affected both my husband and me, making it hard to envision a harmonious future.

While many experts and community members acknowledge the legitimacy of my concerns, they also caution that divorce is a major step with long-lasting consequences—especially for our son. Ultimately, I’m weighing my need for a loving, stable home against the possibility of repairing these stepfamily dynamics. Regardless of the decision, it’s clear that something must change for the sake of everyone’s well-being.