AITAH for telling my fiancé there will be no wedding if she keeps insisting I invite my parents?
I’ve been estranged from my birth family for years. My dad left when I was 4 and my mom, who remarried, never made an effort to mend our relationship—instead treating me as a burden. I cut off contact with them, keeping minimal ties only with my half-sister. Now, as a 35-year-old engaged man with a loving partner whose family is warm and welcoming, my fiancé insists that I invite my estranged parents to our wedding.
Despite explaining the deep hurt they’ve caused and how their neglect shaped my life, she keeps pushing the issue. When the topic came up repeatedly during our wedding planning—most recently as we were about to finalize the save-the-dates—I snapped and told her that if she can’t respect my past, then there will be no wedding. Now, I’m questioning whether I went too far or if I’m justified in protecting my boundaries.
‘AITAH for telling my fiancé there will be no wedding if she keeps insisting I invite my parents?’
Family therapist Dr. Melissa Carter explains that setting and maintaining boundaries is essential for healing from long-term familial trauma. “When a person’s past has left deep scars, it’s critical to protect oneself from further emotional harm,” she notes. In my case, my estranged parents have not only abandoned me but have consistently contributed to a painful legacy.
Relationship expert Dr. Robert Simmons adds that while compromise is key in partnerships, it must not come at the expense of one’s emotional well-being. “Your fiancé’s insistence on involving toxic family members, despite the hurt they’ve caused you, indicates a lack of understanding of your personal history,” he remarks. Additionally, sociologist Dr. Anita Reed stresses that the sanctity of one’s wedding day should honor the individual’s emotional journey.
“It’s entirely reasonable to set non-negotiable boundaries about who is allowed into your life on such an important day,” she explains. Overall, these experts agree that my decision to refuse to invite my parents is a healthy act of self-preservation and an attempt to keep my wedding free from unresolved past pain.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
The Reddit community has been overwhelmingly supportive. Many commenters noted that I’m not being unreasonable for refusing to reintegrate a painful past into what should be a joyful celebration. Users said things like, “NTA—if your parents have caused you that much pain, they have no place at your wedding,” and “If she can’t respect your boundaries, it’s a huge red flag for your future together.”
Several pointed out that my fiancé’s repeated insistence to include my parents shows she may be prioritizing her family’s image over my emotional health. There’s a clear consensus: I have every right to keep toxic influences out of my special day, and my fiancé needs to recognize and respect that.
Ultimately, I stand by my decision: my wedding day is not the time to reopen old wounds. My estranged parents have been a source of deep emotional pain, and insisting on their presence would undermine the healing I’ve worked so hard to achieve. While my fiancé’s desire to include her own family is understandable,
it must not come at the cost of my mental well-being. If she cannot learn to respect my boundaries, it raises serious questions about our future together. How would you handle a situation where your partner’s expectations conflict with your need to protect your emotional past?
