AITA for demanding my husband to pay me the $1000 dollars he spent behind my back?
Picture this: you’re shopping for cozy baby blankets and adorable little onesies, feeling the excitement of a new chapter ahead—only to find out at the checkout that your card is maxed out. Talk about a sudden jolt out of blissful expectation! This kind of shock stings, especially when you discover your partner is the one behind that unexpected bill. Their actions might come from stress or denial, but it can leave you questioning everything, from finances to mutual trust.
In the midst of complicated emotions, you realize you’re not just upset about money. You’re also grappling with the idea that the person who should be your biggest support is, in fact, your biggest concern at the moment. It’s a moment that can feel heartbreaking, baffling, and anger-inducing all at once—like a storm brewing on an otherwise peaceful day.
‘AITA for demanding my husband to pay me the $1000 dollars he spent behind my back?’
To better understand the crux of this story, let’s dive into the original post the Reddit user shared, explaining exactly how things went down between her and her husband:
My husband (33) and I (31) used to have a 2 income home but in 2020 we’ve lost our home and one of our incomes (his). We moved into a smaller apartment, had to sell many things and give up most of our “costly” habits. My husband has an expensive habit of going to the spa for a weekly massage session. we live in an urban area so this stuff is ridiculously expensive.
A single session is 250$, and he has to have it every week so that’d be nearly 1000 a month!. I offered him to have his session at a regular spa but no, he has to get it from that luxurious spa near the restaurant we used to go saying the lady who gives the massage is an expert and he’s used to her.
Problem is I’m the only income earner and I’m struggling to make ends meet. I’m also pregnant and need to save money to prepare a nursery. I told him to cut his sessions but he refused. I told him I won’t be paying for them anymore and he said he’d get the money himself.
Yesterday I checked and saw that he’s been using my credit card for his sessions for a whole month and had maxed out completely. I found that out when I went shopping for baby essentials and the cashier said I had no money. I had to return everything then went home and went off on him. I told him he maxed my card out and made me look like an i**ot at the store, he said he didn’t tell me cause he knew I’d have an issue with it.
I demanded he pay back the $1000 he spent but he refused, I yelled at him calling him irresponsible and he got upset and called me selfish and told me to stop playing victim and that this is affecting both of us since he’s going to be a parent too and it’s stressful for him and I keep dismissing his own needs as a human.
I went upstairs and he went out. He started giving me silent but I kept demanding the money back. he said I shouldn’t expect it back since we’re married then my money is technically his and I should stop using his unemployement against him.
Letting your partner manage shared finances can feel like a leap of faith, especially when unexpected expenditures come into play. In this situation, we see a person juggling the roles of expecting mother, main provider, and overall caretaker of family budgets. The sudden misuse of credit for luxury spa treatments not only drains monetary resources but also undermines the trust that cements any healthy relationship.
When we consider both sides, it’s clear the husband may be grappling with anxiety about fatherhood, unemployment, and a drastic lifestyle shift. Yet, there’s an unspoken line between addressing personal stress in a healthy way and overindulging at the expense of family responsibilities. A satirical, neutral lens might say, “Hey buddy, maybe find a cheaper hobby—or perhaps a new job.” But underlying this is a serious conflict of priorities that can’t be laughed off entirely.
A broader perspective highlights how shared finances often turn into a battleground when life changes demand more careful planning. Studies from the Federal Reserve suggest financial strain is a top contributor to household stress. Add in the tension of impending parenthood, and emotions can easily run high. This is where clear communication and strict budgeting can become the lifelines that keep a partnership afloat.
Renowned relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman emphasizes in his work: “Happy couples handle conflict in gentle, positive ways.” In other words, open dialogue about finances and acknowledging each partner’s stress can bring a measure of stability. Solutions might range from creating a transparent budget to seeking therapy for stress management. The key is to channel concerns into productive dialogue—rather than letting them devolve into secret spending or endless arguments.
See what others had to share with OP:
Here are some hot takes straight from the Reddit community—refreshingly candid and amusing in their own way:
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Who can resist the occasional internet nudge to open our eyes to realities we might prefer to ignore? These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they reflect the full complexity of the situation?
teresajs − NTA. He stole from you to buy a luxury. Immediately cut him off from all access to your money and credit. Don’t give him any money at all. And seriously reconsider living with him since he steals from you. Also, is there any chance that this “spa” treatment actually involves him paying for s**? Because there’s something that feels off about all this…
abcdefghabca − I’d be suspicious about the $200+ for a ‘massage’ lol.
Jenna_Doman − Does anyone else think he might be going for a happy ending rather than the massage or have I been reading AITA comment sections too long?
Gibdog83 − Have you ever looked up this place and what this $250 massage entails? Because that is ALOT of money for a massage that he says he needs weekly? Does he have an injury that he requires it for or is it a relaxation massage?. I dunno.. something is off here. I’d be wondering if it’s a massage he receives or something more.. You btw, are very much NTA.
tractorchick − NTA…cancel the card, put the money you earn in your name only. Maybe instead of getting a luxurious massage, he should be applying for jobs? Like wtf. A baby is going to drain finances even more.
LetThemEatHay − NTA. Start getting your ducks in a row. Talk to an attorney. Split your finances. Cancel that credit card and HIDE ANY OTHERS YOU MAY HAVE.
This is not going to get better, OP. I “need” a massage pretty much all the time given my back issues. The last one I had was 5 years ago in a resort in Lanzarote, because it came with our reservations at the resort. Why? Because I have other s**t that needs paying for (and I’m not the breadwinner), like bills, kid stuff, food (strange thing, everyone in my house likes to eat!)
Like I said, this isn’t going to get better. You can’t reason with that level of entitlement. Also, you might report those charges as fraudulent and set the credit card company on your husband. He took your card without your knowledge and now you’re in a pretty dire financial situation.
YanaYellow25 − NTA. I do think this is what they call foreshadowing.
Sk111W − NTA. stop playing victim. Is a weird thing to yell at someone you’ve just been caught stealing from.
catsmom63 − NTA. I’d check all my credit cards and I’d run a credit report. It’s possible he may have opened new cc in your name too.. I’d also lock my cards.. He’s really selfish. I worry for you and your baby!
TheEmpressDodo − NTA. You realize $250 is exorbitant? Are you not suspicious that these are “happy ending” massages?
Ultimately, personal stress does not justify hidden or reckless spending, especially when it jeopardizes family well-being. What’s most crucial is a willingness to communicate, compromise, and set priorities together. Financial harmony emerges when both partners see eye to eye on what truly matters—like that soon-to-arrive baby.
So, what would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? We’d love to hear your thoughts, experiences, and advice. Let the conversation begin!
