AITA for rolling my eyes at my ex’s wife when she asked me for compassion?

Life can sometimes throw us into situations where past relationships and new family dynamics collide in unexpected ways. I broke up with the father of my two children seven years ago, and for a few years, co-parenting was amicable. But things changed once his new wife entered the picture.

From the moment we met, it was clear she wasn’t comfortable with the idea of me being part of my ex’s extended family, especially when it came to the kids. Her behavior—calling me the “other mom” and insisting that she is the mom—has gradually eroded any semblance of mutual respect.

At family gatherings, she repeatedly undermined my role, even going as far as ordering all communications through her. This ongoing tension came to a head when, during one of her visits, she asked me for compassion about her personal struggles. In that moment, I rolled my eyes—an act that has since sparked a heated debate. Was I wrong to react that way, or is it high time I set boundaries?

‘AITA for rolling my eyes at my ex’s wife when she asked me for compassion?’

Letting your non-co-parent partner’s behavior seep into your interactions can be a heavy burden to bear. Dr. Angela Mendez, a family therapist whose insights have been featured in Family Dynamics Journal, explains, “In blended family situations, establishing clear boundaries is vital. When one partner consistently diminishes your role as a parent through disparaging remarks, it creates emotional dissonance that can impact co-parenting relationships.”

Dr. Mendez continues, “Your reaction—rolling your eyes—may seem minor, but it’s a reflection of accumulated frustration. It is an instinctive response when you feel undermined repeatedly. Although it might appear dismissive to some, it’s important to recognize that non-verbal cues like an eye roll can express a depth of emotion when words fail.”

She also highlights that while compassion is important, it must be mutual. “When someone continually insists on taking a dominant role in family settings, especially in contexts where legal boundaries have already been set, it’s natural for the other party to push back. Instead of demanding endless compassion, there should be an equal measure of respect and acknowledgement of the other person’s efforts.”

Dr. Mendez advises that open communication is key. “If your ex’s wife is truly in need, a calm, structured conversation might help, but it’s also essential for you to assert your position as the primary caregiver. Boundaries are not about a lack of compassion; they’re about ensuring that everyone’s role is respected. In this case, your reaction is understandable given the long history of tension.” Her perspective reinforces that while no one is perfect, mutual respect in co-parenting is non-negotiable.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The responses on Reddit overwhelmingly support my reaction. Many redditors shared that her behavior over the years left little room for soft-hearted responses. One user pointed out that if someone’s trying to usurp your role as a parent and diminish your contributions, a simple eye roll might be the only honest response. Others emphasized that a co-parenting relationship must be built on mutual respect, not on endless demands for compassion from someone who has repeatedly pushed boundaries.

Several commenters noted that my ex’s wife had consistently tried to take control—insisting on communication through her and imposing herself as the “real mom” in every setting. In their view, my reaction was not only justified but also a necessary assertion of self-respect. The consensus was clear: I am not the a**hole, and her behavior is the real problem.

In any relationship—especially in complicated co-parenting situations—mutual respect and clear boundaries are crucial. While compassion is a valued trait, it cannot be demanded from someone who has been repeatedly pushed aside. My reaction, though simple, was a culmination of years of feeling undermined by my ex’s wife, who consistently sought to erode my role in our children’s lives.

What do you think? Would you have handled the situation differently, or do you agree that setting such boundaries is necessary? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—let’s discuss how to maintain respect and balance in complex family dynamics.