AITH for breaking up with my fiancé after she hit my face and caused serious medical damage?

In any long-term relationship, unexpected incidents can sometimes force us to confront uncomfortable truths. For our OP—a 27-year-old who once envisioned a future filled with shared dreams—the unthinkable happened during what was meant to be a relaxed evening with friends.

One moment, he was enjoying a calm night on a back patio; the next, he awoke in the ER with serious injuries that would forever change the course of his life. The catalyst? A non-venomous spider that triggered his fiancée’s intense phobia, leading her to lash out violently in a moment of panic.

The aftermath was nothing short of catastrophic. Eight staples, internal brain trauma, and second-degree burns became permanent reminders of a reaction that crossed every boundary of acceptable behavior. Although both parties were clearly remorseful, our OP ultimately decided that a relationship defined by such an extreme response wasn’t one he wanted to risk repeating. Now, six months later, while he still misses what once was, he’s left wondering if calling off the engagement was the right call.

‘AITH for breaking up with my fiancé after she hit my face and caused serious medical damage?’

Extreme phobias can be incredibly debilitating, but when they escalate into physical violence, it’s a line that can’t be ignored. Clinical psychologist Dr. Laura Markham explains, “While it’s natural for individuals to feel intense fear about certain stimuli, that fear must never be used as an excuse to cause harm. Violence in response to a phobia indicates underlying issues that need urgent professional attention.”

Dr. Markham emphasizes that while we can empathize with the challenges of living with an intense fear, a reaction that nearly costs someone their life isn’t just a momentary lapse—it’s a red flag. In relationships, safety and trust form the cornerstone of any healthy partnership. When one partner’s reaction not only endangers the other but also leaves lasting physical and emotional scars, it’s a clear sign that boundaries have been irrevocably crossed.

Moreover, conflict resolution experts stress that unchecked anxiety, when combined with a lack of impulse control, can lead to repeated incidents with potentially even more disastrous outcomes. They advise that individuals exhibiting such extreme responses should seek immediate treatment—not only for their own well-being but for the safety of those around them.

In my case, as much as I understand that phobias are hard to control, the fact that I ended up with internal brain trauma and burns was too severe a risk to ignore. My decision to call off the engagement wasn’t about blame—it was about protecting my future from a repeat of that terrifying night.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Across Reddit, the consensus was overwhelmingly clear: I was not in the wrong. Many commenters pointed out that while phobias can be deeply distressing, there is absolutely no excuse for an overreaction that nearly results in fatal consequences.

The community stressed that such a violent response not only endangered my life but could also have harmed any future family we might have built. Their verdict was that breaking off the engagement was a necessary step to avoid future risk, and that my ex-fiancée’s behavior, no matter how unintentional, crossed an unforgivable line.

Relationships thrive on trust, mutual respect, and the assurance of safety. When a partner’s extreme reaction leaves lasting physical and emotional scars, it forces a hard look at whether that person can ever provide a secure foundation for love and commitment. Although I miss what we had, the violent incident stands as a stark reminder that some boundaries should never be compromised.

What do you think? When does a phobia become a deal-breaker in a relationship? Have you ever had to make a difficult decision to protect your well-being? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s discuss where the line should be drawn between empathy for personal struggles and the non-negotiable need for safety.