AITA for wanting to divorce my husband and everyone in my family is telling me not to?

When OP (38F) married her husband (41M), it wasn’t out of love—it was out of cultural expectation. Now, after 12 years together and a daughter to think about, she’s realizing she can’t do this anymore. The problem? Her family is dead set against divorce, calling it a disgrace, and even threatening to cut her off if she leaves.

Her husband, raised in a traditional Korean household, has never lifted a finger around the house. Even when he was laid off from his high-paying tech job, he still refused to help. Now, OP works exhausting shifts as an emergency room doctor while also doing all the housework and childcare. And if that weren’t bad enough, her in-laws criticize her for being a “bad mother” because her job requires her to be away at times.

Despite telling her husband four times she wants a divorce, he refuses to acknowledge the problems, dismissing her concerns as “nagging.” Meanwhile, her parents guilt-trip her, saying she’ll “ruin” her child if she leaves. But OP has reached her breaking point—should she listen to her family or follow her gut and walk away?

‘AITA for wanting to divorce my husband and everyone in my family is telling me not to?’

Cultural values are important, but should they come at the expense of happiness and self-respect? OP’s story highlights how deeply ingrained expectations can force people into relationships that don’t serve them.

Sociologist Dr. Naomi R. Wolf states, “Women in traditional societies are often pressured to maintain the illusion of a happy marriage, even at the cost of their own well-being.” OP’s family isn’t just against divorce—they see it as a shameful stain that reflects on them rather than a way for her to build a better life.

Her husband’s refusal to contribute isn’t just laziness—it’s entitlement. He sees housework as beneath him, even though OP is the sole provider. Worse, he weaponizes outdated gender roles to make her feel guilty for working hard to support their family. This isn’t just emotional neglect—it’s manipulation.

At the heart of this is a crucial question: What kind of example is OP setting for her daughter? If she stays, she teaches her child that marriage means sacrifice, submission, and one-sided labor. If she leaves, she shows her that women deserve partnerships built on mutual effort and respect.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Many users pointed out that OP is already functionally a single mom—divorce would just make it official, without the extra baggage of caring for a grown man who refuses to pull his weight.

OP’s husband isn’t going to change, and her family’s approval isn’t worth sacrificing her happiness. The reality is, staying in a miserable marriage does more harm to her daughter than leaving ever could. Kids thrive in stable, loving homes—not ones filled with resentment and exhaustion.

At the end of the day, OP has two choices: Stay and continue the cycle of unhappiness, or break free and create a better life for herself and her daughter. And as Reddit made clear, the right choice isn’t about culture—it’s about self-respect. So, what do you think? Should OP follow tradition and stick it out, or is it time for her to finally put herself first? Would you stay in a marriage for the sake of family expectations? Let’s discuss!