AITA For creating a rule that when I host an event for the family, my sister’s son is not allowed to come?

The clatter of plates and chatter of a bustling restaurant set the stage for a family dinner meant to bring loved ones closer. Instead, it became a battleground of embarrassment as an 8-year-old nephew, Leo, turned the evening upside down—jumping on booths, yelling, and tossing bread at a service dog. His mother, Charlotte, offered only half-hearted distractions, leaving the host, Leo’s sibling, mortified by stares from fellow diners. What was meant to be a joyful reunion ended in frustration, with Leo’s unchecked behavior stealing the spotlight.

Determined to prevent a repeat, the host drew a line: Leo was banned from future public family events until Charlotte disciplined him. Her tearful accusation of cruelty split family and friends, some backing the boundary, others calling it harsh. This tale unravels the thorny clash of love, discipline, and the courage to set limits in a family circle.

‘AITA For creating a rule that when I host an event for the family, my sister’s son is not allowed to come?’

I treat my family to dinners out and other events fairly often. My sister Charlotte recently moved closer to me and our parents. Before then I only saw her and my nephew Leo for holidays. I invited Charlotte on a family dinner out and it was an absolute disaster because of Leo..

Charlotte called me while she was driving to the restaurant. I could hear Leo yelling in the background. Charlotte asked Leo to wait a few minutes until she was done calling me and then she would give Leo her phone. She wasn’t doing anything to actually discipline Leo..

My nephew’s behavior was no better inside the restaurant. Leo is 8 and yet he was acting like some kind of 2-year-old. He was jumping up and down the booths, yelling to get Charlotte’s attention. He threw bread at another patron’s service dog.

My dad took away the bread after Leo ignored the first warning and Leo threw a tantrum.. People were staring at us and I would have been too. Leo’s behavior was completely unacceptable! While all of this was happening, Charlotte just said things like “Oh, Leo, you can play on my phone”

and wasn’t doing anything to actually discipline my nephew.. While we were outside leaving and Leo was with his grandparents out of earshot, I told Charlotte that this could never happen again. I told Charlotte that she needs to get Leo under control and until she does, he is not welcome at any events in public that I host for the family..

Charlotte said I was a horrible person for excluding a child and to think about how I would have felt as an 8-year-old to know I wasn’t welcome at family gatherings. If Charlotte doesn’t want to hurt Leo’s feelings then she can not mention the family events I host or actually do something to discipline Leo.

Our parents understandably asked to not get involved in our disagreement. Friends are divided because some are saying Leo shouldn’t even be in restaurants until Charlotte gets him under control and others claim what I described Leo doing was normal kid behavior. AITA?

Setting boundaries around children’s behavior in the family is challenging, as this situation illustrates. The host’s decision to ground Leo stems from frustration with him disrupting the evening, from dancing to throwing bread, while Charlotte is out of control. Charlotte may feel hurt, but failing to discipline Leo increases the tension. Both sides are right: the host is protecting the shared space, and Charlotte needs time to improve her parenting.

The child’s disruptive behavior may be related to a lack of social skills or a condition like ADHD. Many children have been affected by the social disruptions of the pandemic, leading to difficulties in public settings. Charlotte may not yet recognize the need for more specific guidance with Leo, making his behavior problematic.

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Parenting experts advise that discipline should combine consequences and education. The host may suggest that Charlotte seek support, such as counseling or social skills classes for Leo, rather than simply grounding him. A gentle conversation that emphasizes the desire for family harmony can reduce conflict. Charlotte also needs to take the initiative to teach Leo appropriate behavior.

The family should have an open dialogue to resolve the issue. The organizer can invite Charlotte to smaller events where Leo has the opportunity to learn good behavior. Readers in similar situations can consider supporting the parent rather than just blaming the child. This story emphasizes balancing boundaries with empathy, helping children thrive in a loving environment. Share your thoughts below.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit users largely supported the host, viewing Leo’s behavior as far beyond typical for an 8-year-old and criticizing Charlotte’s lack of discipline. Many praised the boundary, arguing that public spaces demand respect, and Leo’s actions—like throwing bread at a service dog—warranted consequences. Some suggested Leo might be neurodivergent, urging Charlotte to seek professional help.

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AnakinSkywalkerisfav − NTA, you were right to ban him. Even when I was 7 and had undiagnosed (and therefore unmedicated) ADHD, I was better behaved in restaurants. Your friends who said, 'Leo shouldn't even be in restaurants until Charlotte gets him under control,' are ***entirely right***.

Apart-Ad-6518 − NTA. Your sister is being TA to her son though. He needs appropriate guidance on how to behave.. He may be neurodivergent and or be struggling because he missed out on socialisation milestones because of the pandemic. As a mental health professional, I and colleagues are seeing that the full effects of that on young people is only just beginning to manifest, let alone be fully understood.

Astreja − NTA. If he can't behave properly in a restaurant, he doesn't belong in a restaurant. His behaviour is *not* normal for an eight-year-old, and Charlotte is not doing him a favour by refusing to teach him how to conduct himself in public.

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Glum-Zucchini-2029 − NTA… but with a caveat. Whether we like it or not, this round of kids are going to be behind in a lot of ways. They missed some crucial socialization time and my 8 year old is only just now understanding what being in a restaurant requires.

He also has ADHD and is behind his peers in a lot of ways when it comes to social situations. That said, we also don’t allow screens at restaurants which encourages them to talk to us, find out about the different cuisines and cultures we are experiencing, and enjoy each other’s company.

If your nephew is ND, it’s going to be a challenge for him. Now family events shouldn’t be his only experience of having to find ways to be still with his body, quiet with his voice, respectful of those around him. It takes a lot of work.

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The blame isn’t on the 8 year old here, but your sister for not being proactive in helping him understand the nuance of social interactions. Thats a boundary you can hold. But I would also reframe it as SHE isn’t allowed at dinners until Leo is able to be respectful at the table.

FeuerroteZora − NTA, but why does Charlotte get to keep coming, since she's the one facilitating and enabling this behavior? She doesn't seem very interested in parenting; giving her a reason to go out without her son just seems like rewarding her lack of attention to him and his behavior.

Plus it settles the blame with the kid, and that just isn't where it should be. 'You're right, Charlotte, we shouldn't ban an 8yo from family gatherings, because this isn't his fault, it's yours. Neither of you are welcome until you've worked

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out how to handle his behavior in a way that doesn't negatively impact the family and the general public. I encourage you to seek out help if this is something you can't handle, but you're hurting your son's future by allowing this to continue.'

Tomboyish717 − NTA. On behalf of everyone who pays to eat out, THANK YOU!

dragonfeet1 − NTA Leo might be neurodivergent and honestly, she does him no help and a lot of harm by not getting him services and socialization plans. If that's the case, it's not Leo's fault he's like that,

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but it's her fault for depriving him of help he needs.  And, to be honest, if he is neurodivergent she's actually doing bad things by taking him places where he will get so overstimulated and o**rwhelmed.

You'd be helping his nervous system by at least not dragging him places that are going to overload his senses. If that's not the case and he's just a brat who's never been disciplined, then she's also doing him no favors and you don't have to put up with her bad parenting. That's also not Leo's fault.

Old-Run-9523 − NTA, but I would exclude your sister as well because she is the real problem.

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HoshiJones − Your sister is doing Leo no favors by not disciplining him. He's going to be universally disliked; it's already starting, he's already unwelcome at family gatherings.. NTA. This is absolutely not normal behavior.

PsychologicalBit5422 − Ask friends who think his behaviour is normal if they know the difference between an 8 yr old and a 2 yr old. Discipline and taught boundaries . My son never acted like that at 2 let alone 8.

Others felt Charlotte should also face exclusion, as her enabling fueled Leo’s behavior. While a few saw Leo’s actions as “normal kid stuff,” the consensus leaned toward the host’s right to protect family events, though some recommended offering Charlotte guidance to improve Leo’s behavior rather than just banning him.

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This family’s clash over a child’s unruly behavior exposes the delicate balance of love and limits. The host’s ban on Leo, meant to preserve harmony, collides with Charlotte’s plea for inclusion, leaving their bond strained. As they navigate this divide, their story prompts reflection on disciplining children while supporting parents. How would you handle a family member’s disruptive child at your event? Share your experiences or advice below—let’s keep the conversation going.

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