AITAH for insisting on naming my baby girl despite my MIL’s wishes?

My husband (30M) and I (30F) have been together for nine years and married for two, and we recently discovered we’re having a girl. Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve dreamed of naming my daughter a particular name—a name that holds a special place in my heart. When we started dating, my husband was excited about my chosen name and we even made a deal: if we had a boy, he’d choose the name; if it was a girl, I’d have the right to name her.

However, things took a turn when we shared our pregnancy news with my MIL. Although she initially said we could name our daughter whatever we wanted, she quickly added a condition: the name must start with the letter given by the Babaji at the gurdwara.

Shocked by this imposition and feeling that it undermined my lifelong dream, I told my husband that it wasn’t fair. I even snapped that if his mother wants naming rights, she should have a baby of her own. Now, with my husband siding with his mom, we’re not speaking, and I’m left wondering if I overreacted.

‘AITAH for insisting on naming my baby girl despite my MIL’s wishes?’

Family dynamics and parental authority over child-rearing decisions can be a highly sensitive area, especially when cultural traditions are involved. Dr. Anita Kapoor, a family psychologist specializing in intergenerational conflicts, explains that “The naming of a child is deeply personal and is often a reflection of the parents’ identity and aspirations for their child. When extended family members impose their own conditions on such a decision, it can create a significant power imbalance.” (read more at psychologytoday.com).

In this situation, my long-held desire to choose a name that has defined my personal history clashed directly with my MIL’s cultural stipulation. According to Dr. Kapoor, when one partner’s cultural or familial expectations override the mutual decisions made by the couple, it is essential for the couple to assert their autonomy. “If the couple has an agreement—such as in this case, where the naming rights for a daughter were clearly allocated—it is vital that both partners uphold this understanding.

Otherwise, the extended family may begin to exert undue influence on other parenting decisions,” she adds. Moreover, the conflict deepened when my husband, who initially supported my choice, reversed his position under his mother’s influence. This kind of role reversal, where one partner abandons a prior agreement to appease their parent, can lead to lasting resentment and undermine the foundation of the marriage.

Experts warn that if such dynamics persist, it could affect not only the couple’s relationship but also the future upbringing of the child. Dr. Kapoor stresses that “Setting boundaries with extended family is critical to preserving the integrity of the couple’s decisions. It ensures that the child’s identity is formed by the parents’ values rather than being a repository for someone else’s unresolved grief or cultural expectations.”

In my case, insisting on the right to name my daughter is not an act of defiance against tradition but a necessary step to assert my identity and secure my future child’s individuality. My reaction may seem harsh to some, but according to family therapy principles, this is a healthy assertion of parental rights. My husband’s complete reversal on an agreed-upon decision, influenced by his mother’s demands, is a red flag that needs addressing early on.

Failure to do so could lead to further conflicts over more significant matters later in our child’s life. Ultimately, while cultural traditions are important, they should not compromise a couple’s autonomous decision-making in creating a new family identity.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community – candid and unfiltered. Many users agree that I was completely justified in insisting on my naming rights, with one commenter stating, “Your husband needs to realize that when you start a family, the decisions are yours as a couple, not your mom’s.”

Others highlight that if my MIL wants to dictate terms, she can have her own baby. The consensus among supporters is clear: your child’s name is a deeply personal choice and should remain solely between you and your partner.

In conclusion, my decision to insist on naming my daughter the name I’ve always loved is rooted in a desire to preserve my autonomy and uphold the agreement I had with my husband. While cultural traditions and familial expectations are significant, they should never override the couple’s right to shape their own family’s identity.

I’d love to hear your thoughts: Have you ever faced similar pressure from extended family regarding parenting decisions? How did you handle it? Share your experiences and let’s discuss where the line should be drawn between tradition and personal autonomy.