AITA for telling my brother I’m not moving back in, and to decorate my old room however he wants?

In a house filled with the warmth of a “cool mom” baking cookies and playing video games, a young woman bore the weight of being the family’s “responsible one.” Tasked with enforcing bedtimes and homework as a child, she fled across the country after college, seeking freedom from her mother’s vision of keeping all four siblings under one roof forever. Years later, reconnecting with her family, she’s stunned to find her old bedroom frozen in time, a shrine to a life she left behind.

The discovery that her youngest brother, Ryan, lives in her untouched room—complete with old posters and labeled boxes—ignites a firestorm. Urging him to make it his own, she confronts her mother, only to face accusations of abandoning the family. This story unravels the tangled threads of parentification, personal freedom, and a mother’s refusal to let go, set against a backdrop of strained family ties.

‘AITA for telling my brother I’m not moving back in, and to decorate my old room however he wants?’

Growing up as the “responsible one” in a single-parent household can cast a long shadow, and this woman’s story illuminates the scars of parentification. Tasked with parenting her siblings as a child, she carried an unfair burden that pushed her to flee after college. Her mother’s refusal to let her youngest brother, Ryan, redecorate her old bedroom reflects a troubling need to control the family narrative, trapping her daughter in a role she rejected.

The untouched bedroom, preserved like a museum, isn’t just quirky—it’s a symbol of the mother’s denial that her children can forge independent lives. Her accusation that the woman “abandoned” the family flips the script, ignoring how parentification robbed her of a carefree childhood. The woman’s push for Ryan to claim the space is a healthy assertion of boundaries, though her partner’s concern about stirring conflict without consulting the mother holds some merit.

Psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour, in a 2022 article on family dynamics, notes, “Parentified children often feel obligated to maintain family roles into adulthood, but setting boundaries is crucial for their mental health.” This resonates here: the woman’s urge to free Ryan from her old room is an act of empowerment, not interference. A 2021 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found 25% of adult children from single-parent homes report parentification, often leading to resentment.

Therapy could help the woman process her past, while family counseling might encourage her mother to release her unrealistic vision. Encouraging Ryan to apply to colleges, as she’s doing, supports his independence.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit community rallied behind the woman, condemning her mother’s unrealistic expectation that the family remain under one roof forever. They viewed the preserved bedroom as unsettling, likening it to a memorial, and criticized the mother’s attempt to guilt her into resuming a parental role.

Commenters praised her support for Ryan’s college applications but cautioned that urging him to redecorate could complicate his life under their mother’s rules. They encouraged her to maintain a healthy distance while fostering sibling connections, affirming her right to reject her mother’s controlling vision.

This woman’s bold stand against her mother’s frozen-in-time expectations reveals the deep cost of parentification and the fight for personal freedom. Her story is a poignant reminder that family love can sometimes cling too tightly, stifling growth. How would you navigate a family expecting you to stay forever tethered to old roles? Share your thoughts and experiences below.