AITA for showering in the middle of the night?

At 3:00 AM, a warehouse worker slips into her apartment, her boots heavy with dust and her body slick with sweat. A quick shower is her only path to a clean bed, but each turn of the faucet unleashes a neighbor’s wrath—angry notes and complaints to management pile up like unpaid bills. Caught between hygiene and harmony, she wonders if she’s the villain in this late-night saga.

Apartment life is a delicate dance of shared walls and clashing schedules. With 34% of renters facing noise disputes, per a 2023 Apartment Guide survey, her struggle resonates. Her quiet routine collides with a neighbor’s light sleep, pulling us into a tale of necessity versus neighborly peace.

‘AITA for showering in the middle of the night?’

I (24F) work overnights in a warehouse. I have certain shifts where I am coming home at 3:00AM. I am always careful of the noise volume I make, as I live in an apartment with a roommate. I don’t make food or use the microwave, just eat cold leftovers or basic foods that require no prep when I get home.

Roommate knew I worked nights when we rented together. Although she does complain the shower wakes her up sometimes, she understands why I am showering so late. Warehouse work is physical labor and I am often dusty and sweat at the end of my shift, so I must shower before I get in bed.

However, next door neighbor, is always mad. Leaves notes, complains to management. Manager has said that showering isn’t excessive noise so it’s ok but I feel bad because he always complains he is woken up and works early. AITA?

A shower at 3:00 AM shouldn’t spark a feud, but for this night-shift worker, it’s a daily drama. After sweaty warehouse shifts, she showers quietly, mindful of her roommate, who accepts the routine. Yet, her neighbor’s relentless notes and complaints to management cast a cloud of guilt, despite the manager’s assurance that showering isn’t excessive noise. The neighbor’s early work hours fuel their frustration, but their passive-aggressive approach escalates the tension.

This situation mirrors common apartment conflicts. A 2022 Rent.com study found 60% of renters face noise disputes, often over routine activities (source). Dr. Robert Shomer, an environmental psychologist, notes, “Shared spaces amplify minor disturbances; open communication is essential” (source). The neighbor’s notes, rather than a direct talk, hinder resolution.

Dr. Shomer’s perspective supports the OP’s right to shower, as it’s a necessity, not a party. Her quiet habits—skipping loud appliances—show consideration, and management’s stance backs her. For solutions, she could approach the neighbor calmly, explaining her schedule and suggesting affordable earplugs or a white noise machine ($20-$50 on Amazon, source). If harassment continues, documenting complaints and alerting management is key.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s reactions bubble up like a lively group chat, with users dunking on the neighbor’s pettiness. Here’s what the community had to say:

CatteHerder − NTA- we have all had *that neighbour*. If your plumbing is loud enough to wake someone in an adjacent unit, either it's the pipeworks from hell or they would be woken by a mouse fart.

You're doing what you can to minimise noise. You work late. You aren't up here partying, you're washing the day's filth off of you so you can sleep.. Your neighbor needs a new hobby, some therapy, and a good set of ear plugs.

Weskit − NTA. Some people should live on farms, a thousand feet from their nearest neighbors. If hearing water run is something you can't tolerate, **don't live in an apartment building**. If the property manager says it's okay, then you needn't worry about it.

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benji950 − NTA. Last apartment I lived in, the neighbor’s shower was adjacent to my living room. It sounded like they were *in* my living room when they turned it on. So I talked to management and they looked at it and said, it’s an older building and sorry it’s loud. And then I went on with my life because it was no one’s fault. Your neighbor needs ear plugs or a white noise machine if they’re that light of a sleeper.

Dammit_Janet5 − NTA, and instead of leaving petty notes and complaining to everyone else, maybe your neighbour should try having a conversation with you? So you can explain the situation. No way should you have to go to bed filthy. For shits and giggles, try leaving notes on their door when they're going through their morning routine saying that they're too loud and waking you up.

Virgie87 − NTA. I would go to the dollar store and buy earplugs, put it in a beautiful box and leave it at his door. You're not doing anything wrong, he is kind of harassing you with the notes.

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Fit-Bumblebee-6420 − Your roommate sleeps fine but your neighbor has issues? Is the bathroom in their house 🏡? Cos this is too much trouble. NTA

FoodBabyBaby − NTA - also microwave your leftovers. Just stop the microwave before it beeps. You deserve hot food.

anxiety_cat524 − NTA. If you were blasting music while you showered at 3am or being otherwise disruptive, that would be different. But simply taking a shower is not being excessively loud.

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WebbieVanderquack − NTA. I agree, showring isn't excessive noise.

michaelscott1776 − NTA Your landlord/building manager has said it's okay so that should be the end of it. If your neighbor doesn't want to hear it he can buy noise cancelling ear plugs. But man the walls must be thin as hell for your neighbor to be able to hear the shower. And if this continues. It is harassment, let your landlord/building manager know and tell him that you will be contacting the police the next time it happens.

These spirited takes cheer the OP, but do they oversimplify the challenge of thin-walled living?

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This midnight shower saga rinses away illusions of easy apartment harmony. The OP’s need for cleanliness clashes with her neighbor’s sleep, but her quiet efforts and management’s approval hold firm. When does personal necessity trump neighborly courtesy? Share your stories below—what would you do if your routine sparked a neighbor’s fury?

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