AITA for refusing to hide my engagement and uninviting my dad to my wedding?

In a cozy café, a woman’s face glows as she admires her new engagement ring, but her joy dims when her father calls with an absurd request: hide the ring, mute her love, and play single at a family party. Why? To shield her stepsister, whose unaddressed mental challenges spark tantrums over the couple’s affection. At 33, this bride-to-be faces a choice—dim her milestone or stand tall. Her defiance sets off a family firestorm, leaving readers wondering: is she right to demand respect?

This tale of love versus loyalty captures a universal struggle. With 1 in 5 adults facing mental health challenges annually, per the National Alliance on Mental Illness, navigating family dynamics around such issues is relatable. Her bold stance invites us to explore boundaries, support, and the cost of living authentically in a tangled family web.

‘AITA for refusing to hide my engagement and uninviting my dad to my wedding?’

I (33f) just got engaged to my boyfriend now fiance (33m) of 4 years. My stepsister (35f)/ stepmother's daughter is on the slower side mentally, but I don't know exactly what her diagnosis is because her stepmother / my dad's wife is in denial about it all while cuddling her at the same time.

My step sister is not dangerous but she can behave awkwardly and inappropriately and just makes people uncomfortable. She is always had a crush on my boyfriend now fiance, and has gotten angry whenever we acted like a normal couple. She cries and throws tantrums for hours upon hours over it, so we have been low contact with my father as a result.

I called my dad to let him know we got engaged, and he is wanting me to hide it for a while, to not tell anyone at the 4th of July party we were supposed to go to this weekend, to not put it on social media and to come to the party without my ring until my step sister can 'get used to it' after my dad 'gently breaks it to her.'

And he said not to act 'too close' with him at the party, mind you we've never done inappropriate pdas we just acted like a normal couple. I asked him how long he expected us to keep up this charade for and he said in a very annoyed tone 'I don't know just give us time to break it to her.'

And I told him under these conditions that we would be declining the invitation to the party and all other family events until we're allowed to act like a normal couple, and I absolutely will not hide it on my social media I will put it up just as any other newly engaged couple and let the chips fall where they may.

And I said if he's not going to be 100% supportive of my engagement and marriage than he does not need to come to my wedding. That I'm not going to disrespect my fiance by acting ashamed of him in public. And I told him in order for us to resume contact he needs to be publicly supportive of my relationship not just secretly or under the radar.

My stepmother picked up the other line and joined us on the phone she said I'm being selfish, that I know how hard my step sister has it that she'll never have what I do and I should be understanding and considerate. And my dad basically agreed with her, although it's none of my business my stepmom clearly wears the pants in the relationship so to speak and my dad will always acquiese to her.

I told them that since they're ashamed of us that they will never have to worry about justifying our existence to anyone ever again because we will not be coming around and they will not be invited to my wedding unless they have an attitude makeover, let me act like any other normal couple and our 100% supportive of my upcoming marriage and hung up.

My dad's side of the family says I'm being insensitive, that my step sister hasn't really hard and will never have what I have and I need to be gentle with her. I told them if they want to handle her with kid gloves that's their prerogative but I'm not going to I'm going to live my life and they have absolutely no right to tell me what I can and can't put on my social media.. AITA

Celebrating an engagement should be a joyful milestone, but for this woman, it’s a battleground. Her father and stepmother demand she hide her engagement to spare her stepsister’s feelings, citing her mental challenges and crush on the fiancé. The OP’s refusal, uninviting her father from her wedding, reflects frustration with years of catering to her stepsister’s tantrums. The family’s insistence on secrecy prioritizes the stepsister’s comfort over the OP’s happiness, revealing a skewed dynamic.

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This situation echoes broader issues of mental health stigma and family enabling. The National Institute of Mental Health notes that 57.8 million U.S. adults live with mental health conditions, yet denial often delays support (source). Dr. Susan Forward, a renowned family therapist, states, “Enabling behaviors shield loved ones from consequences but stunt their growth” (source). Here, the stepmother’s denial and coddling exacerbate the stepsister’s dependency, burdening the OP.

Dr. Forward’s insight suggests the parents’ approach harms both daughters. By shielding the stepsister, they deny her coping skills, while pressuring the OP to suppress her life. The OP’s boundary—demanding public support—protects her relationship’s dignity. For solutions, she should maintain no-contact until her family respects her engagement. Therapy or mediation could help address the stepsister’s needs without sacrificing the OP’s joy.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s reactions are spicier than a summer barbecue, with users cheering the OP’s bold stand. Here’s what the community had to say:

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M1ssmessy − NTA at ALL! So she’s in denial about her CLEAR mental instability?? And won’t treat her or even acknowledge it but expects you to change your life and your excitement so they don’t have to deal with the consequences of NOT GETTING HER HELP?!. B**lshit. Great choice overall. Not the a**hole

[Reddit User] − NTA.. I'm surprised they never asked you to give your boyfriend to your stepsister...

Interesting-Month-56 − NTA, and infantilizing their daughter is not a solution to her behavioral issues. Nor is making you responsible for their problems at home. If they had asked for your help nicely, they wouldn’t be AH’s, AND you would still be reasonable to say no.. I wouldn’t spend any more time with any of them.

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ImagineSnapDragons − It’s not just about the party. Your dad and stepmom want you to hide your engagement indefinitely until they can break the news to her, and have her accept it. Which could take god knows how long. This just isn’t realistic. Where do they draw the line?

What happens when the wedding comes? Bride and groom have to stand on opposite sides of the room?  No dancing, no kissing, no mention of love! No pictures on social media or framed on the wall? I can only imagine if you and your fiancé decide to have kids.

Your dad and stepmom wound probably require the same. Don’t talk about it, hid your bump, no photos, no baby shower. You have to edit your life constantly for your stepsisters comfort. I think the best thing you can have done was take this big step back, and put up boundaries.. NTA.

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thebabes2 − NTA. They are being unfair to you and your step sister. Everything about their behavior is disgusting. If her issues are so severe you have to act like your partner is a strange to prevent hours long tantrums, she needs serious intervention. She's 35, not 5 FFS. You're doing the right thing. If you invite them to your wedding it will be come the 'placate step sister show' and you don't need any of that.

Annahchris − NTA The 'sister' had 4 years to get used to it. And she's 35, not a teen. Your father and stepmom are behaving like huge AH ...

No-Personality5421 − Nta The world is not bubble wrapped for her protection, and her parents are doing her a huge disservice by acting like everyone needs to live in a way that makes her more comfortable.

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EsjaeW − Will you have to hide all the good that happens to you? Buy a house? Babies?

ImReallyNotNice − NTA. A 35 yr old stepsister should not drive this kind of behavior.

Buttered_Crumpet09 − NTA. First of all, congratulations on your engagement. Since your dad seems to have forgotten to say that to you, it's only fair an internet stranger do it instead. Secondly, your step-mother has sacrificed your step-sister's chances to grow up and become an independent, functioning adult so that she can remain in denial.

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She is treating her like a child and demanding that your world revolve around her. That is beyond unfair and unreasonable. The fact your dad supports this and wants you to not celebrate your engagement or even behave like you are in a relationship for the sake of your step-sister is also beyond unfair and unreasonable.

I think going NC with your family is best, and just brace yourself because I've got a horrible feeling you may be getting a, 'You'll look after your step-sister and let her move in with you when we're too old to look after her/pass on, won't you?' call at some point.

Your dad and step-mum have guaranteed that your step-sister is extremely dependent on them and have already been asking you to deal with the consequences of their choices with this incident, so don't be shocked if they try pushing that one on you later on.

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These fiery takes support her, but do they oversimplify the messy reality of family ties?

This engagement saga shines a light on love, boundaries, and family dysfunction. The OP’s refusal to hide her joy prioritizes her fiancé and self-respect, but it risks family ties. How far should one go to accommodate a loved one’s struggles without losing themselves? Share your thoughts or experiences below—what would you do if your family asked you to dim your happiest moments?

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