AITA for pulling my horse from public lessons?

Gregory Houston Hours
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Tensions flare in the dusty air of a bustling summer camp barn, where a young horse owner faces a tough choice. At just 16, she’s caught between her love for her dapple gray mustang and the demands of a chaotic camp season. Her mare, a spirited 22-year-old with a heart full of spunk, has been a gentle guide for beginner riders. But when one camper’s rough handling pushes her mare to the brink, she draws a line in the sand, sparking a showdown with the barn owner.

What happens when loyalty to your animal clashes with camp camaraderie? Her decision to pull her horse from public lessons sends ripples through the barn, leaving her friends fuming and her heart torn. With vivid summer trails and the soft neighs of her mare as the backdrop, this story dives into the messy balance of responsibility and standing your ground.

‘AITA for pulling my horse from public lessons?’

I (16F) own a lovely dapple gray mare (mustang) she's 22 and getting older but still has tons of spunk and energy, while I was in school I allowed the place I board at to use her for lessons in return for halved board fee (I'm only 16 and I couldn't ride her much) she did great with it as she mostly helped out beginner riders and newcomers, leaving the more 'advanced' things to me.

Now that school is out for summer, I was thinking of pulling her but didn't since I knew they'd need all hands on deck for the summer camp I VOLUNTEERED to do, literally free of charge for babysitting and letting them use my horse from 9 am to 3 pm.

We usually just walk the horses on the trail and escort the newer kids, which is fine and easy, the issue arises when an older kid; let's call him Leo, starts riding. His family owns a barn and he's been gearing up to ride his own horse, assuring me that he can tack up my horse just fine, despite not riding english pretty much ever, I oblige, trusting him,

and go to help out with the craft table since all hell has broken loose. I end up hearing my pretty girl (horse) was 'acting up' on trail and for trotting, which never really happens unless she's in heat. I figured she was having a bad day but after untacking her I was practically livid, her girth was incredibly tight and on a way higher setting than I usually do, she was snippy and clearly uncomfortable.

I just gave her a rest day and followed Leo out when he was riding again the next day. As Leo is riding around in the arena, he's incredibly heavy-handed, even after I tell him to stop, he doesn't post at the trot and keeps kicking even when she's going, he keeps tightening her girth up too high, pulling all on her mouth (which she does NOT need, she works beautifully without a bridle and on a soft hand, I've never used a crop on her),

and WILL NOT LISTEN TO ME. I'm fuming at this point and pull him off the horse, explaining that my mare is fine and he's using too much force on her, he just kinda nods and goes to untack her, but I keep having to follow behind him to fix the things he messes up.

Apparently, he talked to his mother about it, and the barn owner had a 'chat' with me in the tack room about how I need to be more gentle on the campers and that she's 'allowing my horse' to participate out of the kindness of her heart.

It felt horrible but I really felt like I was in the right, so I told her (in a fit of rage which- was not my best moment) that my mare would be going back to private riding and would be pulled from lessons. I backed out of the camp as well and only help every now and then, my barn friends are livid since they're now one horse and one counselor short, and I do feel bad for just some petty thing- AITA??.

UPDATE:. I've read through about 50% of the comments- there are too many I can't keep up but thank you for the feedback! I realize now this is a much deeper issue to address and I'm in the process of finding a new possible barn which isn't easy as my area is notorious for mistreatment. I see my pretty girl every day, people have not been riding her which is honestly really nice since I can do longer rides This has kinda opened my eyes, so thank you again.

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Protecting a beloved animal can stir up a storm, especially when it’s your horse in a busy barn. This young owner’s clash with a camper and the barn owner highlights a classic dilemma: balancing personal responsibility with communal expectations. Her mare’s discomfort, caused by a camper’s heavy-handed riding and improper tack, wasn’t just a one-off—it’s a red flag about oversight at the barn.

The conflict pits the teen’s protective instincts against the barn owner’s dismissive attitude. While the camper, Leo, ignored instructions, the barn owner’s claim of “allowing” the horse’s participation flips the script, ignoring the teen’s generosity in offering her mare for free. This dynamic reflects a broader issue: the need for clear boundaries in shared spaces. According to a 2023 article by the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA), over 60% of equine welfare complaints stem from improper handling or training practices (aspca.org).

Dr. Emily Weiss, an equine behaviorist, notes, “Horses are highly sensitive to handling, and improper techniques can cause stress or injury”. In this case, Leo’s tight girth and rough rein use likely caused the mare pain, validating the teen’s reaction. Dr. Weiss emphasizes that owners must advocate for their animals, especially when handlers ignore guidance.

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For solutions, clear communication is key. The teen could propose written guidelines for her horse’s care or request supervised sessions. Moving to a new barn, as she’s considering, might also ensure better oversight. Ultimately, prioritizing animal welfare over appeasing others is a mature choice, even if it ruffles feathers.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit didn’t hold back, and the comments are a lively mix of support and sass. Here’s the scoop from the online corral:

DerNibelungenlied − NTA Sounds to me like you aren’t taking issue with campers or inexperienced riders, you’re taking issue with someone who is deliberately ignoring your instructions on how to treat YOUR animal. I don’t know anything about horses

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but I do know that a big part of learning to work with animals is accepting they are all different and you need to tailor your treatment of them based on their personalities and preferences. If the program doesn’t support and understand your concern, it’s probably best to pull your horse from public riding.

SoSleepySue − NTA. It's not a petty thing. Your horse was being mistreated and the person who was mistreating her had no interest in doing things correctly.

AnarchyAcid − NTA. Your horse can’t speak for herself, so you needed to protect her. If they don’t follow your rules for your horse, they shouldn’t touch her.

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JustMeLurkingAround- − NTA Someone mistreated your horse and you advocated for her. Thats your job as the owner, because she can't do it for herself. The dismissive reaction of the barn owner is reason enough to step back to protect your horse. With the BS response 'I'm allowing you to do *me* a favor' adds on too.

That the counsellors are now short on people and on animals is **not your responsibility** . Its the barn owners/organisators. You have nothing to feel bad about. Your responsibility is towards your horse and you did good on her. Very mature.

Willing-Survey7448 − NTA. You are looking out for your PERSONAL ANIMAL. Your horse is elderly and the camper refused to listen to you on her handling. NEVER feel bad for protecting your companion.. But, be prepared to pay full rate.

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strwberrybby_ − NTA, as a horse owner myself this kind of stuff pisses me off. she's not 'allowing your horse to participate out of the kindness of her heart' you're allowing your horse to be used by them, for their business, at no cost. on top of that your horse was being mistreated by their clients.

Your horse's health/safety and happiness comes first. and they're lucky the kid didn't seriously f**k up and injure your horse or get injured himself, because things could have gone seriously wrong. you're 100% right and NTA to pull you horse out of that.

[Reddit User] − NTA (horse owner here) I’ve done worse. I was trying to give a lesson to one of my best friend’s child and she kept pulling the reigns, bumping on his back, etc. I talked to her, I was gentle, I was nice. When she didn’t obey I told her to jump off and it was over. I did not allow my friend or her child to ride him ever again. The girl cried. However, my horse was in pain.

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Horses feel much more pain than they show, many studies about that. And we need to teach children to respect the animal and understand and follow instructions. So no, you’re not the a**hole. You’re advocating for your horse. Also, this barn concerns me. If you’re not putting the horse’s well-being in first place, you should not be near a horse.

SuzieQbert − Nothing petty about it! You're protecting your horse, and the barn owner should be doing the same. She should be ashamed of herself for allowing this to happen to ANY horse under her care. You're NTA

Polyfuckery − I would reconsider boarding my horse anywhere that let students tack up without supervision, ride out without being checked and didn't correct bad behavior. Where were the adults being paid for monitoring and training the campers? You shouldn't have trusted him or allowed him to handle your horse but it is on the stable to make sure that mistakes don't happen.

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NightWitch65 − Definitely NTA. Animal cruelty is never good and the barn owner is an AH if she thought she was the one doing you a favor. Just watch. She'll probably be coming begging you to let them use your horse again in no time.

These hot takes from Reddit show a community rallying behind the teen, but do they capture the full picture? Maybe the barn owner has her own side to tell!

This teen’s bold move to protect her mare proves that standing up for what’s right isn’t always easy, especially when it leaves friends in a lurch. Her story reminds us that animals rely on us to be their voice, even if it means rocking the barn. Have you ever had to choose between loyalty to a pet and keeping the peace? What would you do in her boots? Share your thoughts below!

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