AITA For refusing to accommodate my nieces vegan diet?

Gregory Houston Hours
Comments 0 Comments

In a bustling household where every meal is a carefully orchestrated ritual, one family faces a culinary clash that’s stirring up more than just the soup. A couple, juggling the needs of their four children—two with autism—opened their home to their struggling sister’s family. But the arrival of two vegan nieces has turned dinner time into a battleground, with hunger strikes and simmering tensions. The kitchen, once a haven of cheesy comfort, now hums with discord. Can this family find a recipe for harmony, or will their differences leave everyone hungry for resolution?

The stakes feel high when dietary choices collide with family duty. The host, committed to keeping mealtimes stress-free for their autistic boys, stands firm against the nieces’ vegan demands. Readers can’t help but wonder: is it fair to prioritize one family’s needs over another’s principles? This relatable saga of clashing values promises a spicy debate, served with a side of empathy.

‘AITA For refusing to accommodate my nieces vegan diet?’

My sister and her husband both lost their jobs and as we had the space we allowed them to move in with us. They have two daughters who are both vegan. Now, my wife and I have four children. Our two older girls are very sweet, and our boys both have autism.

We essentially work our daily lives around them to make them more comfortable, as such our meal plans are relatively simple. Some of the only foods they will both eat is chicken and cheese, so every meal we eat has at least one of those components. Of course, neither of these items are vegan.

Our nieces both complain, and as we need meal time to be relatively stress free for the boys it's caused some problems. On top of this we also have four dogs, (one family dog, one dog who is a trained autism service dog and our oldest daughter adopted two dogs at the beginning of April last year).

Our oldest is doing an animal welfare course at college and plans on becoming a vet/dietician. She explained the benefits of raw food, and as such she prepares all four dogs meals in the morning, and refrigerates their evening meals. We don't force her, she chooses to do the other two dogs because she wants to get it perfect for them.

Anyway, our two nieces are complaining about never being able to eat because there's always meat around. They refuse to eat at meal times because we serve meat and dairy. I explained that we aren't going to upturn meal plans we've had in place for years just for them, they could either deal with it or make their own food. They're both on hunger strikes, but I don't think I'm in the wrong.

I offered to serve the sides (which are generally vegan) I larger portions for them, but cooking several different meals is not something I want to go back to. My sister is staying out of it and her husband is just happy he's finally getting to eat meat again. My wife thinks I'm being harsh, but when I suggested she take over cooking she suddenly agreed with me. AITA?

Navigating family dietary differences can feel like walking a tightrope over a simmering pot. The OP’s situation, balancing the needs of autistic children against their nieces’ vegan principles, is a recipe for tension. The host’s refusal to overhaul meal plans highlights a clash of priorities—stability for their kids versus accommodating guests’ choices. Both sides have valid perspectives: the OP prioritizes their children’s comfort, while the nieces cling to ethical convictions. But the hunger strike? That’s where things get stickier than overcooked pasta.

This scenario reflects a broader issue: how families negotiate dietary diversity. A 2021 survey by The Vegan Society found that 1.5% of the UK population is vegan, often citing ethical reasons, yet only 30% of non-vegans feel equipped to cook vegan meals (vegansociety.com). The OP’s offer of vegan sides shows effort, but the nieces’ refusal escalates the conflict, suggesting deeper communication gaps.

Dr. Susan Albers, a clinical psychologist specializing in eating behaviors, notes, “Food is deeply tied to identity and control. When dietary needs clash, it’s less about the food itself and more about feeling heard and respected” (psychologytoday.com). Here, the nieces’ hunger strike may signal a need for autonomy, while the OP’s stance protects their family’s routine. Both are asserting control in a shared space, but the parents’ silence—especially the sister’s—is glaring. Their inaction shifts responsibility onto the hosts, which feels unfair.

ADVERTISEMENT

To resolve this, open dialogue is key. The OP could set clear boundaries, like designating a weekly vegan meal night, while the nieces’ parents should step up to cook or provide vegan groceries. Compromise doesn’t mean surrendering values—it means finding a middle ground, like shared vegan side dishes everyone enjoys. The family could explore simple recipes, like those on (minimalistbaker.com), to ease tension. Ultimately, empathy and communication can turn this mealtime mess into a chance for connection, proving that even clashing diets can share the same table.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s hot takes are as spicy as the family’s dinner debates! The community weighs in with candid, sometimes cheeky opinions on whether the OP is in the wrong or just holding their ground. Here’s what they had to say:

aliendystrophy − NTA. There are lots of options open to them - they can cook, their parents can cook, they can eat packet food that doesn't require cooking - it's not on you to do all that work for them. I also appreciate that when you've got kids with very specific food needs it's way too much to try and vary that to add in another diet. It's on your sister and her husband to find a solution that works for their daughters but also for you

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − INFO - Wait - your sister and her husband are both unemployed - why are they not making vegan meals for their own daughters?. Why does living with you have to mean that you also cook for them????. And how old are the daughters anyway??

Lacroix24601 − NTA. “My sister is staying out of it” aka: my sister is refusing to cook the food I buy for her kids who have dietary preferences (or is refusing to tell her kids to make their own dinners). Are you kidding me with this?! Jesus.

My kids have been making their own meals since 6, lol. If they don’t like what I made for family dinner they are more than welcome to make whatever they want with the items I have in the house.. Your sister and her family are seriously ungrateful.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − Nta. You are serving your kids and animals in your own home. If they have an issue eating animal products, their mother or father should cook vegan meals for them. As long as you aren’t trying to shove meat and dairy down their throats, you’re perfectly fine. You opened your home to them, but that doesn’t mean you took on full responsibility for their kids when you have enough to deal with on your plate. Good luck to you!

mindcontrolmanatee − NTA. They aren't being forced to eat the food, they're in your house, and they're there because they have no jobs and money trouble. In other words, I'm assuming they aren't really paying. If they have to have full vegan meals they can buy it and make it themselves and they need to grow up and stop complaining about what y'all eat in your own home.

squirrelsareevil2479 − NTA. Your approach is very reasonable. They are staying with you and need to adjust to your lifestyle, not expect you to adjust to theirs. Let the nieces stay on a hunger strike and tell them they or their parents are more than welcome to prepare food any way they like but you are only cooking one meal.

ADVERTISEMENT

Your sister should not be staying out of it. They're her children and she or her husband should be taking responsibility for any special accommodations that need to be made. Stand your ground and let them work it out.

[Reddit User] − NTA, you opened your home to them and you aren’t forcing them to eat the food you said they’re more than welcome to cook their own food. That or shouldn’t your sister or her husband be cooking for their own children if they have dietary restrictions?

-dula-peep- − Nta- as a vegan myself I never, ever expect others to accommodate me. My vegan diet is my choice and my responsibility, no one else’s. Vegans or vegetarians who act all grossed out by meat or make a big fuss about meat being in the fridge etc.

ADVERTISEMENT

Are most likely attention seeking. If they don’t want to eat around meat, fine- they can eat whenever they like. Also, are their parents not providing groceries for them? I would hope that you’re not paying for all of their food out of your own pocket.

Pumpernickelbrot − NTA Your nieces are old enough to prepare their own vegan meals or they could take you up on the offer to make larger side portions for them to eat. Your sister and her husband are Assholes too for 'staying out of it' instead of telling their young adult daughters to be greatful and finding a solution.

baklavareason − NTA When I lived at home and was vegan, my parents told me that they would do their best to accommodate (cheese on the side, for example) but they wouldn't go out of their way to buy me replacements. If I didn't like or couldn't have what they made, I could eat pb&j. I think that offering vegan sides, pb&j or having pasta and tomato sauce around would be reasonable.

ADVERTISEMENT

These Redditors aren’t shy, but do their takes cut through the noise or just add to the chaos? One thing’s clear: this family’s kitchen could use a pinch of compromise and a whole lot of communication!

This family’s mealtime standoff serves up a hearty lesson in balancing personal values with collective harmony. The OP’s commitment to their children’s needs clashes with the nieces’ vegan principles, leaving everyone hungry for resolution. With a sprinkle of empathy and a dash of teamwork, this household could find a way to share the table without sacrificing anyone’s values. What would you do if your family’s dietary needs turned dinner into a debate? Share your thoughts—how would you navigate this culinary conundrum?

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *