AITAH for shouting at my sister while she’s on her deathbed?

In a quiet hospital waiting room, the air thick with tension, a young woman sits, her heart heavy with years of unspoken resentment. Her sister, Nancy, lies in a psychiatric ward, admitted after a dramatic breakdown, just as the woman’s long-awaited wedding reception looms. The timing feels eerily familiar, a pattern of crises stealing her spotlight. The woman’s frustration boiled over into a harsh outburst, sparking family outrage and whispers of “bridezilla.” Yet, beneath the drama lies a deeper story of sibling rivalry, favoritism, and a desperate need for acknowledgment.

Growing up, she watched Nancy, adopted after tragedy, soak up their parents’ attention, her “accidents” conveniently upstaging every milestone. From canceled parties to derailed celebrations, the woman’s achievements were overshadowed by Nancy’s chaos. Now, with family pressuring her to postpone her reception, she’s torn between guilt and defiance, wondering if her outburst was cruel or a long-overdue stand for herself.

‘AITAH for shouting at my sister while she’s on her deathbed?’

My (26f) sister Nancy (39f) and I have had a strained relationship for as long as I can remember. For a bit of background, Nancy’s parents were my late aunt and uncle, who passed away in a car accident when she was 6 and my parents adopted her.

Growing up, I realized that she got more love and care than I did, but I just wrote it off because I didn’t want to blame her for her trauma or how she handles triggers. When I was a teen, I got tired of her always needing to trump my accomplishments or be the centre of attention.

I finished high school when I was 16 and after I received my matric results, my parents planned a big party for me but the week before, Nancy “fell” down a flight of stairs and my party had to be cancelled. As I was sitting in the waiting room with my parents, I had an epiphany and realized that a lot of her “accidents” coincidentally happened when something big was planned for me.

For example, a month before my 21st birthday, which was going to be spent on a cruise, she started having “dizzy spells” and a few days before, she “fell” off the roof as she was trying to “patch a few leaks”. Rightfully, I was upset, and my parents lashed out at me for being selfish when my sister got injured trying to do something to help them.

When I graduated with my MBA at 22, she very sick after eating shellfish, which everyone knows she is deathly allergic to. The day after my partner proposed, she got into an “accident” while driving on a sunny day with great road conditions, saying that she didn’t see a light pole or something.

He threw me a surprise engagement party and guess who accidentally ate prawns and was rushed to the hospital halfway through the party? To avoid any drama at my wedding, my partner and I decided to elope with a few friends, and it was the first time something was all about me, for once.

My parents were bitter about not being part of wedding celebrations so we planned a reception type thing for friends and family on our 2nd anniversary. My dad will walk me down the aisle and my mom will do the something old thing, etc.

They had been buzzing with excitement and looking forward to the “wedding”. The event is this coming weekend and guests have already started flying in as they want to celebrate the whole week and treat it as a reunion of sorts.

But like every other big moment of my life, I am writing this post sitting in the hospital waiting room because Nancy apparently had a big psychotic break because her boyfriend dumped her in FEBRUARY so there’s a psychiatrist admitting her for 21 days as he believes she’s a danger to herself.

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My parents are trying to talk me into postponing because it would be heartless of me to celebrate while my sister is “cuffed to a bed” for the next 3 weeks. I had a meltdown of my own and told my sister that if she wanted to go to Heaven that desperately, could she not have done it when we were younger so I could be spared from all her drama

and now there’s a handful of family members who are calling me a cruel bridezilla for taking my stress out on my sister when she’s so unwell. I told all of them that I would be proceeding with the “wedding” as a lot of time and money had already gone into it and they’re welcome to m**e around the hospital to support my sister.

They told me that I was unfair for making them have to choose between a party and my sister who is on her deathbed. ETA: I know she isn’t in her deathbed. Any sane person reading this post knows so she’s not on her deathbed.

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But to my family, this is a life or death situation because “only God knows what they’ll do to her in there” and they’re especially incensed by the very limited visitation because they’re convinced the psychiatrist is doing it so she can get pumped full of medication and so the hospital can make money yada yada yada.

Nancy’s knack for stealing the spotlight with dramatic flair raises eyebrows. Family dynamics like these, where one sibling’s crises consistently overshadow another’s milestones, can breed deep resentment. According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned family therapist, “Unresolved sibling rivalry can erode trust and communication, especially when parents inadvertently fuel favoritism” (Gottman Institute). Here, Nancy’s pattern of “accidents” aligns suspiciously with her sister’s big moments, suggesting attention-seeking behavior rooted in insecurity or unresolved trauma from her early loss.

The OP’s outburst, while harsh, reflects years of suppressed frustration. Nancy’s actions, from eating allergens to her recent breakdown, point to possible mental health struggles, perhaps exacerbated by her boyfriend’s departure. A 2019 study in Family Psychology found that 30% of adults with unresolved childhood trauma exhibit attention-seeking behaviors (APA Family Psychology). Nancy’s adoptive parents, by prioritizing her, may have unintentionally sidelined the OP, deepening the rift.

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Dr. Gottman advises setting boundaries while fostering empathy. The OP could acknowledge Nancy’s struggles but hold firm on her reception, as canceling reinforces the cycle. Communicating calmly with her parents about this pattern, perhaps with a therapist, could help. The OP should prioritize her mental health, perhaps seeking counseling to process her resentment, ensuring her big day shines without guilt.

For families facing similar tensions, open dialogue is key. The OP might suggest family therapy to address favoritism and Nancy’s behavior, creating space for healing. By standing her ground while offering compassion, she can reclaim her moment without burning bridges.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade. From calling Nancy a “drama queen” to urging the OP to go low-contact, the comments were a lively barbecue of opinions, with some clever scheming to keep Nancy out of the spotlight.

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Far-Juggernaut8880 − Think you definitely should speak to her doctors about her history of “accidents” that happen at the same time of big events/successes in your life. Maybe hearing it from the doctors will get your family’s attention

Even_Speech570 − Your sister is a drama Queen and your parents are her flying monkey attendants. “Deathbed”? WTF? She’s on psychiatric hold which is hardly a deathbed. Please go NC with these people. Who knows what antics she will pull when you are in labor trying to deliver your first child. NTA

neogeshel − Well for one she's not on her deathbed that's a bizarre thing to call it.

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Snoo-74562 − What a fantastic opportunity. She is locked up, safe....and totally unable to create more drama. You should apologise to your parents and everyone who heard you explode. Say that the stress got to you because you know a lot of what you have done is non refundable you were very upset.

After all what can you do except continue? How are you going to stop it without loosing thousands? Say that you don't want to cause your sister more distress now that she is on deaths door. You must immediately tell her that you have cancelled the wedding.

Tell everyone that she must not know that the wedding is actually happening and that you have told her that it has been cancelled so she can focus on her recovery and to spare her any guilt about being unable to attend. Organize a big get well soon card and basket for her signed by lots of her loves ones.

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You must also tell the medical staff about all the other episodes of self harm and insist that she is there for the full 21 days. Express concern that her stay will be so short. Hopefully that will mean she can't get out on the big day. Your big challenge is going to be convincing your parents to get in on the deception but it shouldn't be too hard to sell.

Todd_H_1982 − OK I think it's best if you just walk away and start living your best life. Your sister has issues she needs to deal with - she's currently seeking help for that. Try to remove yourself from involvement with her as much as possible and enjoy your own happiness.

Possibly once she's begun to heal from her current situation, the two of you may be able to get some counselling together, to mend your relationship - but right now, just take yourself out of the situation, she clearly has enough support from your parents for now.

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LogicalTexts − Didn’t you recently have issues with your step-daughter’s mother showing up for her birthday, so the girl cancelled a costly party you had planned?. Take a calm step-back. You might still be emotionally healing from that upset. Sister/Cousin certainly needs and gets attention.

She was 13 when you were born. Any other siblings/cousins have the same experiences with her? Shame your parents don’t see her pattern. I’d definitely keep notes of dates and coincidental events and show them. She is in the right place to get help as long as she is honest with her medical team. Reiterate this to your family. Hope you have a lovely ceremony.

Zealousideal_Put_489 − My autistic brother is like your sister in these ways where things are always, as though out of a f**king cartoon, always dramatically happening at *convenient* times. His mental health professionals are aware of it now -- so it's not a secret anymore.

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It never was to the family, especially when he was younger, but in an adult setting, people want to ignore these details. Especially the parents. It's hard to get it recognized.. NTA. And I feel you.

WillSayAnything − I see what the problem is, you haven't out trumped Nancy. The next time she 'falls' down the stairs, you have to fall down a larger flight. When she 'falls' off the roof, you have to fall off one too.. Or go low contact. Whatever's easier.

omgONELnR1 − Your sister is a danger to herself. Knowingly eating something she's deathly allergic to just for attention?

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TheSouthsideTrekkie − Did I miss something here? As far as I can see she’s been admitted for treatment and is not “on her deathbed”. Please see if you can find some time to privately discuss this with her doctors, it’s probably something they should look into. Also NTA, families can be difficult, but it really sounds like your parents failed both of you and now are refusing to face up to the consequences of this.

These Redditors rallied behind the OP, spotting Nancy’s pattern like detectives at a crime scene. Some suggested spilling the tea to her doctors, while others proposed a sneaky plan to fake-cancel the wedding. But do these hot takes capture the full picture, or are they just fanning the family flames?

The OP’s story is a tangled web of love, rivalry, and hospital-room drama. Her outburst, born of years of overshadowed moments, sparks a question: where’s the line between self-preservation and compassion? She’s choosing to celebrate her love, but the family fallout lingers like a stubborn fog. By moving forward with her reception, she’s reclaiming her joy, but healing the rift with Nancy and her parents will take time and tough conversations. What would you do if your big moments were constantly upstaged by family chaos? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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