WIBTA if I made a donation in the name of an acquaintance who does not support the cause?

Picture a joyful wedding planner, champagne in hand, crossing names off a guest list with a mix of relief and mischief. A 28-year-old groom-to-be, thrilled about marrying his partner, receives a stinging letter from an acquaintance. The couple’s words drip with judgment, refusing to attend the “event” and wishing the pair finds “the Truth.” Ouch. The sting of homophobia could sour the day, but instead, it sparks a cheeky idea: donate the saved catering costs to an LGBTQ cause in their name.

The plan feels like sweet, petty justice, but is it a step too far? The groom’s torn between a triumphant jab and the nagging thought of sinking to their level. This Reddit tale stirs up a classic dilemma: when does standing up for yourself cross into spite? Let’s dive into the story and see what the crowd—and experts—think about this bold move.

‘WIBTA if I made a donation in the name of an acquaintance who does not support the cause?’

I’m (28M) am getting married this year to another man (27M). Most of our guests have been very supportive, but we received a letter from one couple telling us that they do not support us and won’t be able to attend our “event”. They also stated that they hope we find “the Truth”.

While I’m disappointed, this also means that we’ll save a little money on the wedding on food/alcohol/etc. I think it’s obvious that they’re TA for sending this letter, but I wondering WIBTA for taking the following action:

I would like to donate the money I will save to an LBGTQ organization in their name. I’m hoping that I or the organization will be able to send them a receipt/thank you for the donation. WIBTA?. Throwaway as there are giveaways to my identity on my main account.

This wedding drama is like tossing a glitter bomb into a quiet room—sparkly, bold, and a little messy. The groom’s plan to donate in the couple’s name is a clever clapback, but it’s not without risks. The OP faces a tug-of-war between righteous defiance and petty revenge, with both sides fueled by hurt. The acquaintances’ letter was cruel, rooted in homophobia, while the donation idea teeters on passive-aggressive.

Let’s zoom out to the bigger picture: homophobia in social settings. A 2023 Pew Research study found that 67% of Americans support same-sex marriage, yet 49% of those opposed cite religious beliefs, often framing their stance as moral superiority (Pew Research Center). The letter’s “find the Truth” jab reflects this, dismissing the couple’s love as invalid. The OP’s response, though, risks escalating a personal slight into a public feud.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Conflict is inevitable, but contempt is a choice that poisons relationships” (The Gottman Institute). Here, the acquaintances’ contempt is clear, but the OP’s donation could mirror that energy, turning a moment of hurt into a cycle of spite. Instead, channeling the funds to an LGBTQ organization without naming the couple could be a classier flex—supporting the cause while rising above the fray.

For the OP, a practical move is to donate anonymously and focus on the wedding’s joy. This sidesteps potential backlash, like the acquaintances retaliating, while still championing the cause. It’s a win-win: the community benefits, and the OP keeps the moral high ground.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit crew dove into this one like it’s the last slice of wedding cake—everyone’s got an opinion, and they’re not holding back. From cheers to warnings, the comments are a spicy mix of support and shade. Here’s the raw take from the internet’s finest:

WickedGreenthumb − YTA- but I fully support it and am also an a**hole! Every year for Xmas I give my conservative relatives a donation in their name to whatever cause upsets them the most at the time. Planned Parenthood, Gun Control Advocacy, etc. this year it’s looking like they’ll be donating to BLM!

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1567Tor − If we ever needed a “justifiable a**hole” judgement. What you’re doing is not harming anyone other than rubbing some much needed ire in an overly inflated egos of two bigots. NTA. Go for it.

AlunWH − YWBTA. This takes trolling to a whole new level. You’d be wrong to do it, but at the same time you would be f**king *awesome* if you did this.. If it’s okay with you, I shall borrow your idea and use it myself in future.. Sometimes being in the wrong is justifiably right. This is one such time.

eak436 − NTA. Every Christmas I donate to Planned Parenthood in Mike Pence’s name because f**k him.

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mewhilehigh − YTA. Don't drag the org into this. Cause if they call the org and demand the money back, the org isn't going know this is a spite donation. They will have to verify that they aren't part of some scam, being used for scam purposes, forcing them to review other donations.

[Reddit User] − YTA, but 99% of the people that read this and commented would be, also me. I really hope u do that OP! F**k h**ophobic people!

[Reddit User] − NTA. Combating homophobia never makes you the a**hole.

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Rastavaray − I mean ESH, but I actually don't know anyone that wouldn't be on board for that. Sometimes you just gotta say f\*ck the high road. I think this is one of those times.

jimmyfilth − Ha! That’s a great idea! NTA. Also, congratulations.

[Reddit User] − YWBTA. This childish game can be played ad infinitum. Bigot can make a large retaliatory donation in your name to an organization that offends you. Both of you can keep loosing until you stop. Or you can tell them to f**k right off.. Start this phase of your life as an adult, not a passive-aggressive adolescent.

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These Redditors are split, with some fist-bumping the OP’s petty genius and others cautioning against a donation duel. It’s a virtual bar fight of ideals—do you swing back or walk away? Their hot takes spark a question: does this plan fight homophobia or just fan the flames?

This story is a rollercoaster of emotions—hurt, defiance, and a dash of mischief. The groom’s idea to donate in the couple’s name is a bold statement, but it risks turning a personal victory into a petty vendetta. Whether you’re Team Clapback or Team High Road, the tale highlights the sting of rejection and the power of standing tall. What would you do if you faced a similar slight at your big moment? Share your thoughts and experiences below.

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